Guilt Upon Guilt

One of the things that I struggle with most is guilt. I never noticed it until I became a mother, maybe because I have more time to think about it now or maybe because I think more about the choices I make, because they usually involve someone else. Or perhaps because I'm home all day, I figure that I should have more time than when I was committed to going to work each day. It seems like guilty thoughts just run through my head hundreds of times, plaguing me some days. Although I try to prayerfully dismiss them, they seem to crop up over and over. "I should call so-and-so" "I sure wish I could help ____" "I should feed my kids more vegetables" "I should spend more time with ____" "I should read my Bible more" I feel guilty when I can't keep up on things when I have bad days. I feel guilty when I have good days, because I know others are having bad days, and I wish I could help them out. It just goes on and on.

I did read an article in a magazine that helped me, so I'll share some of it here today. I still struggle with guilt, but at least recognizing it's source (the devil) and what to do about it helps. The article is called That Guilty Feeling written by Deborah Wuehler published in Spring 2010 issue of The Old Schoolhouse magazine. This is a homeschool magazine, so the article is focused on homeschooling, but the solutions can be practiced in all aspects of life. I did paraphrase some paragraphs for space purposes. http://thehomeschoolmagazine.com/

She starts "I have birthed 8 children and homeschooled them for the past 19 years, but I still feel like an unqualified, unorganized, undisciplined, under-educated, full-time failure of a homeschool mom. What do I do with this load of guilt I seem to always be carrying? Do I suffer in silence and depression and hope the guilt goes away someday? Do I let everyone know how badly I feel and possibly gain some compassionate friends to commiserate with me? Do I go into overdrive and try to fix all the things that are causing these guilty feelings? Do I put on a martyr complex and go around like Eeyore without his tail? Or, maybe I put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine. I have tried them all and have learned that none of those things provides the answer. Let's go to the root of the struggle.

"Why do we struggle with guilt? I have found that most of those guilty feelings come from one thing: expectations. Whether it is something I am expecting of myself or my children or something I feel others are expecting of me, those expectations can carry with them loads of guilt if we feel we don't measure up. Here are 5 common areas of struggle:

"1. How everyone else does it has got to be better than the way I am doing it. No matter what we are doing, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.

"2. I am inadequate in some way. I don't have enough patience, organization, motivation, creativity, etc. But nor does anyone else (even though it may seem that way). But I do have a command to follow God's leading and be confident in what He entrusts to my care. As I listen to God's voice on how to do that, I can begin to bear the yoke alongside my Lord and follow His lead, and grow in patience. As I work in harmony with my meek and patient God, I grow in motivation as I begin to realize God's purposes for my children, and I grow in organization and creativity as I am refreshed by helpful resources, and like-minded friends He leads me to. Although I may not feel like I have what it takes to do what I believe is a sufficient job, the grace of God is sufficient in my weakness, and His strength is even made perfect there! "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me". 2 (Corinthians 12:9)

"3.I feel guilty about not getting it all done: not enough schooling, house-work, record-keeping, meal planning, etc. Getting it all done has never been my forte. What things are truly important: the physical needs around us or the spiritual needs around us? If you have to set aside that pile of laundry to take one of your children to the foot of the cross, you have chosen the better thing. When I am overwhelmed with guilt and stress, I go to the Scriptures, where I gain a higher perspective of life: "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Psalm 61:2) A familiar song fills my mind and erases that blackboard once again: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace."

"4. I feel guilty about my slow learner, or my rebellious child, or my tomboy girl or my overly active boys. I feel guilty about my overly shy and tender child. To put you at ease, nearly every family probably has at least one of these kinds of children (usually more). But we tend to feel that if we were doing it right, we'd have no rebels or kids who don't have a clue about learning or sitting still or fitting into some other mold. The truth is, our children are unique, and we know them best. We can teach around and to those special gifts that God has blessed them with. We can be confident that as their parents, we know them best and have their best interests in mind when making decisions for their little lives.

"5. Others make me feel guilty because we are different and don't fit in. Other make me feel guilty because they think that we are not doing the right things in our lives. Do we want to be fitting in? We should be looking and acting differently from the world. We should not do what the world dictates, but rather what God dictates. We should not be yoked with unrighteousness but be a separate people as unto the Lord. Don't worry what others think of your decisions, worry about what God would think of them. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness. (2 Corinthians 6:14)

Guilty before God
"When we stand before the Judge of all the earth, what will be our plea? Guilty. But, the good news- the magnificent news, is that we have an advocate: Jesus Christ the Righteous One. Not only are we cleansed of guilt, but when no one on this earth advocates or encourages our obedience and desire to live a righteous life, Jesus Christ not only advocates but also blesses and rewards our efforts.

Heavenly Expectations
"Jesus Christ lays out the course we are to run and then runs the race with us. He is before us cheering us on to the finish line. He authored the race and He will help us complete the race. There is no guilt in feeling tired from running or sweating from exertion or falling over a rock in the path or even tripping over our own two feet. We might feel a bit clumsy and laugh or cry a bit, but our Coach reaches down, picks us up, gives us a drink and a hug, and then starts us off again. We get up and keep going because it is all part of the race.

"So what do we do with all those expectations (from ourselves or from others)? We cast them off since they are too weighty to run with. The eternal expectations we need to fulfill are what the Lord requires. Micah 6:8 says it all: He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"

Pretty good, hey? I have to say that my guilt is often for things that I want to do to help others, but can't do because my home/family would suffer. It seems like there is always someone who could use a hand, needs some encouragement, needs a care package, etc. There just isn't enough time in the day to call all the people I want to call, visit the people I want to visit and even meet the needs of my husband and children. That's more the guilt I suffer with. And I often wonder whether guilt is prompting me to do something, or if the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do something (like visit a long lost friend, for example) How do you know the difference? Because if it's the Holy Spirit, I'd better not be ignoring it and passing it off as guilt. So, until I can get it all figured out (which is likely never!) you can just call me the Queen of Good Intentions~

Thoughts of the Day

I'm likely just going to be rambling here, but haven't written in a while, so thought I should get some thoughts down (for my own mental release more than anything). I do talk to my sisters often (they seem to be the best thing for sharing your thoughts, since husbands often don't want to hear about bread baking, yogurt making, honing the budget (well, some like that), fashion (my topic today), etc.)

I haven't been on the computer much lately, and I've been happier for it. It seems that although I get updated with news and information via email and Facebook, I also hear all the sad news too. Then I'm concerned (I'm not a worrier, and wouldn't classify my thoughts as worrying) over what he or she should do about such-and-such situation. Too much information in my life, is what it really comes down to. I need to focus on my husband and my family's needs, and limiting the computer time seems to be accomplishing what I want it to. (Read my cousin A's blog http://teafortwoplease.blogspot.com/2010/05/learning-to-entertain-oneself-via-detox.html
on my favorites link about it, as it was what actually clued me in to what might be happening. The computer was controlling my life (not totally, but enough so that I felt in bondage), rather than just being a gentle asset when I needed it. Plus, summer is officially here (not so much weather wise, but calendar wise) and who wants to spend time facing a screen when facing the sunshine is a better option?

So, on the fashion note. Not sure what to think. My first question likely should be- How much should fashion be a part of our life? Especially a Christian's life. How much should we be set apart from the world, and how much should we fit in with the culture around us? I know that there is no hard and fast answer to any of the above questions, but I've been asking myself this for quite some time. Our society seems to have lost all modesty and self-respect, so how do we maintain a standard? How much are we influenced by the media, what the stores sell, and other marketing ploys?

I've read stories from the very plain (Amish, Mennonite) folk, who claim that they are free to wear their plain clothes, and how liberating it is to not be a slave to fashion. I also see a self-righteousness sometimes with this way of dressing. I also have seen the other side (mostly from young women) who claim they are "free" to wear whatever their little heart desires, sleazy as it may be. So, where should we be? I've never felt a slave to fashion, nor claimed to even have any fashion sense whatsoever. I wear what I like, what I feel good in, and what is decent in my mind.

After all that, I've been doing some experiments. First one: Can I wear a dress/skirt every day? What are the pros and cons to doing so? So, I tried it for 1 week, and here's what I found. 1) My husband really liked it. Complimented me much more often than usual. (+)
2) People in stores treated me better. Men opened doors for me, old ladies smiled at me more than usual (compared to my pants self, which I've been for decades) (+)
3) I felt more feminine, and wanted a higher standard in my daily tasks. (+)
4) I could do all the chores, play with the kids, etc. that I normally do. I was not hindered in the least (which I had expected to be) (+)
5) My legs got cold; solved by wearing tights, leggings or high enough socks (-) turned into (+)

Overall, I enjoyed it and have continued to wear them more often, although I will add that you have to find dresses/skirts that are comfortable, wrinkle proof, and that are not too dressy. Relaxed fits that you want to wear and still feel good in. All my "daily" skirts are either denim or corduroy. I also held a stereotype about denim jumpers, and that is why I hesitated doing this experiment for long. Didn't want to be classified as "one of those".

My other fashion thoughts go to my kids. When our eldest was born, I was very strict as to what kind of clothes he'd wear, and more specifically, what kind of clothes he wouldn't wear! Over the years, I've relaxed my "rules" to this: What do I want to look at all day every day? Because, as a Mom at home, you are the one looking (for good or for bad) at your kids shirts all day. At first I wanted only farm animals, camping scenes, minimal sports themes, power equipment, and no licensed characters. Well, my favorite shirts that J just outgrew were a t-shirt with a martian landing on the moon, and a mummy all wrapped up that said, "I Love My Mummy". I've come a long ways!

My experiment with the kids was how I dressed them too. Usually they just wear a t-shirt and jeans/cords/shorts with tennis shoes/rubber boots. But, after I read the Duggar's book, Mrs. Duggar explained that she dresses her boys in "collared shirts" (usually polos, bought at thrift stores) because they look more respectable (in her opinion). I usually save those shirts for church, but have been putting them on the boys for town now, and the same reaction is happening as when I wear a skirt. The people treat us all better (today I was wearing jeans, so it must have been my smart looking boys). People go out of their way to say how nice the boys look (and act, if they are acting nice), rather than the usual comment "my, you've got your hands full". It also happens when Elise is in a dress/skirt. So, my conclusion is (this is a no-brainer) : If you want to make a difference, dress up a bit, and your kids too. You'll all feel better when the day is done, and it doesn't take any more time than just putting different clothes on in the morning!

One of my bro-in-laws told his wife that he felt that what she wore was a reflection on him. I had never thought of that before she told me. He felt that if she dressed sloppy, people would think that he didn't treat her very nice, so she didn't have the confidence to even dress decent. We are our husbands jewel, so lets make them proud of their family! It's so easy to get lazy in this area (for me anyways).

PS The thing that actually got these thoughts started was a website that a friend told me about. Darling clothes that make any kid look good. The clothes are hand made by this friend of a friend. Apparently she has lots of famous people that pay alot of money for these clothes, although I'm going to try to either make my own, or find stuff to get that look at garage sales, etc. Check them out.
http://edensbouquet.com/

Any thoughts on the topic welcome....

Heavy Hearts but Hope too!

My heart has been heavy this past week. I was informed of a family that is splitting up, (to add to 3 more recent ones I've heard of), and am devastated for the loss of a family unit. I guess I just don't know what to think, say or feel. This is so avoidable, and heal-able, and solvable, in yet so many marriages fail to get help (or don't want to get help) and let Satan lead the way to destruction. And the most often result is the that the children suffer the most. The innocent pay for the sins of the guilty.

I wondered where to go with all my thoughts, and have been trying to sort out why this happens to some families. And here's my conclusions. They are certainly not all-inclusive, but have helped me try to figure out how divorce can be avoided for those already married, and how to choose a proper mate if you're not married yet.

1) Sin. Plain old sin. The sin of disobedience to God's ways that are plainly written in the Bible- the sin of adultery, the sin of lack of submission to the powers that be (God, your spouse), the sin of selfishness, the sin of promiscuity before marriage, the list goes on. If it's a grey area, stay clear, it'll only get more muddled if you get involved (speaking to singles).
2) Poor choice in a marriage partner. This could be because people are not willing to wait on God, are lonely and want companionship over trusting God to fulfill that void in their life, or make hasty decisions based on emotions rather than Biblical standards and/or common sense.
3) Pride. Refusing to listen to the advice of family and friends who can see things objectively and warn against poor choices. (2 of these marriages that I mentioned above were warned against, and the people chose to go ahead anyways)
4) Lack of commitment. Even if you are in a poor marriage, sticking it out at least until your children are grown would be beneficial in so many ways (if you can do so without fighting all the time) Why do "my needs" or "I deserve happiness" override the commitment you made in your marriage vows before God? I recall a friend who was trying to convince me that her mother "deserved" to remarry. I wondered why she "deserved" it, when she had failed to heed His guidelines for a Godly husband in the first place. None of us "deserve" anything, but God blesses us beyond measure when we seek His will and do it.

So, what can we do? There is hope...we can pray. We can defeat the devil who is destroying these lives. Encourage people that there is hope. There is forgiveness. The Bible plainly offers all the solutions right there. But, it takes being a man (or woman) , sucking it up and swallowing our pride, repenting of the wrong doing, and taking steps to do what is right. It's never too late. That's why remarriage always concerns me. When a person remarries, it leaves no room for the former marriage to ever be mended. And we (as the third party) never really knew what went on, and certainly don't know what God's plans for the future are. You hear of many "change of hearts" for whatever reason, and people get married again (to each other) after divorce.

If you are single, read God's Word. Find out what a Godly mate entails, and look for those qualities (and be those qualities yourself). Do they have a servant's heart? Do they love God more than me? Are they a virgin (very rare in this day and age, and although not a make/break deal, often there is baggage if they are not)? Do they show respect to their parents (and your parents)? The Bible has all the answers, so the more we read it, the more we know God's will. It's easy to ignore His will if we are rather vague on what His rules are. These days "happiness" seems to be the be all/end all. Well, if we are abiding in God's will, happiness follows...not the other way around.

Oh, and love. Love has very little to do with a happy marriage. To quote a Ravi Zacharias sermon labeled I Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah, "Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will to love somebody, you can.” The amazing story of Ravi's brother can be found here, and although I've heard it on audio over and over, it still amazes me.
http://www.rzim.org/justthinkingfv/tabid/602/articleid/6623/cbmoduleid/881/default.aspx
Although love makes a marriage sweet, love should be thrown out of the equation when considering a spouse. Love does not decide what church to go to. Love does not decide how to raise children. Love does not decide how to handle money. Love does not decide where to live, or what to do for a living. Those are practical aspects of life that need to be grounded in the Word of God without love having anything to do with the situation.

I would also encourage single people to look for their "soul mate". If you don't know what a soul mate is, or don't believe in them, you haven't found him/her yet. I am an extreme skeptic, and doubted such a thing existed (at least tried to convince myself of such back in my single days). Well, I have to say that Greg and I are soul mates. Totally 100% meant for each other. Compatible in every way. The saying "when you know, you know". Well, when Greg came to Alaska that first time (we had met once 2 years before but hadn't even really visited), we stopped at Starbucks on the way from the airport, and at that point we both knew we'd be getting married. He stayed up there for a week, and everything that happened that week confirmed the same. It was powers greater than were in us (God) telling us that too. I've never felt so out of control in all my life, but never have things fallen into place so perfectly either, because God's hand was leading the way!

A friend of mine tells about her first date with her husband. After they had visited a while she says to him, "So, I'm thinking....you, me, marriage?" He doesn't bat an eye, and says, "yep, that'd be fine!" What????! You just met! But, when I see that kind of confidence from both parties in such a huge decision, that gives me confidence that no matter what lies ahead they will make it through. "When you know, you know!"

Another story of the opposite persuasion comes from a former co-worker of mine. He and his wife were expecting their first baby after being married for 6 years. We got talking about how they met, and I asked him how he knew that she was "the one" to marry. He replied, "I didn't. I still don't know." Wow! How sad! I wonder if they are still married. What would it be like to spend the rest of your life thinking that you may have met someone better if you'd just waited a bit longer.

To end, here's a hymn that was on a cd I was listening to the other day, and then we happened to sing it in church on Sunday too. I found comfort and hope in it.

Dear Lord and Father of Mankind

1. Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways!
Reclothe us in our rightful mind;
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

2. In simple trust like theirs who heard,
Beside the Syrian sea,
The gracious calling of the Lord,
Let us, like them, without a word,
Rise up and follow Thee.

3. Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

4. Breathe thro' the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak thro' the earthquake, wind and fire,
O still, small voice of calm. Amen.

Latest Happenings

So here we are, beginning of June and it's still raining. Apparently it's the "rainiest May ever" with a record 7 inches falling. I seem to hear that a lot up here in WA. "It's the rainiest ___ ever". I don't know how it can keep getting rainier, but it must! I still haven't planted my garden, and so likely won't get much this year, as we'll get frost in the fall before anything is ready to pick (which has happened in the past as well) Oh well, good intentions were present.

We did end up going camping Memorial Day weekend, which was a huge success in our family. If you'll recall our many disasters, this trip was joyous. We now have our "Incredible Hulk", which is a forestry green truck with a sorta-matching olive green camper. It proved to be our saving grace, and although we arrived home exhausted, it wasn't due to anything other than being outside and enjoying ourselves. Our church hosts this camp out every year, and this year there were around 850 people attending. They have it at a fairgrounds, which is great because it's all fenced, and just our group is there.The weather didn't look promising, but it was only rainy the first night, and then cleared up and was balmy the rest of the time. The kids had a great time, even though they didn't know too many other kids there. I was hoping to get to visit more than I did, but that is what happens when you have a 13 month old. You chase them most of the time! I should clarify- A lopsided 13 month old with a broken arm that has a heavy splint on it, making her pretty tipsy.












That's our other big excitement. Elise broke her arm last week at Bible Study. We were at the nursing home (where we host it once a month) and she and the boys were running around, and she fell on some tile, and there it was. A buckle fracture to her left wrist. I didn't even think that it could have broken, but the next day she was really whiny, and then I remembered Greg saying that he heard a little 'pop' in her wrist when he picked her up after the fall. When I started to feel her wrist, she winced when I put any pressure on it, and I also had this gut feeling I should take her in, even though she was using it fine and had full range of motion. Our doctor was booked up, so I made an appt. to take her to their Urgent Care, which is the next best option in our town. I got there, and something was messed up with insurance (she was assigned to the wrong Dr.) so they wouldn't see her. I refused to drive home that night without having her seen, so ended up taking her to the ER, which was my only other option. I was so frosted after driving all that way and then them refusing to see me, I just about lost it. If you'll recall, this happened the last time I tried to get her in with her ear infection. Grr! I hate insurance. They won't even see me if I agree to pay cash first, if they have other insurance. What a ridiculous joke.

Anyways, they treated us awesome in the ER, and I got to see what the workings are like from the patient's point of view for the first time ever. I worked for 5 years in 3 different ERs, so it was kind of neat to see it from the other side. We got moved through as fast as we could have, and then I was even able to help put Elise's splint on (I had more experience than the girl doing it, she was pretty nervous "I've never put a splint on a baby before, I'm so scared!" she was saying). Elise was a trooper and didn't cry during the whole ordeal (even when they wrenched her arm around to get the proper Xray views). Just sat there sucking her pacifier like Maggie off the Simpsons, and looking around.

So, when all is said and done, I kind of thought it would be my boys who would first break a bone. And I also thought it would be more climactic than that. Oh well...it made the camping trip more exciting trying to keep her upright and the splint clean.

On the way out to the camp out, we came across a grain elevator, and Luke was asking how the grain gets to the store. We had a long visit about how it goes on the train, etc, etc (kind of relaying the Little Red Hen story) and then when we were all done, James says, "how they get coffee in a caboose?" in a very puzzled voice. We have a caboose in our town that sells espresso, and he's always puzzled as to why a caboose would be selling coffee. A caboose should be out working on the tracks with the other trains. So, we explained that one too. To the best of our abilities, for 3 year old comprehension! Another cute thing he said, was when we woke up the first morning camping, he groggily opens his eyes and sees that we're in the camper. He jumps up, looks out the window and excitedly says, "we're still at here?!" His day just got better from then on! James also got a new seat so that he can ride on the back of Daddy's bike too. He was very skeptical of this contraption, but after he rode in it a bit (and saw how fast he could go compared to his tricycle) he proudly said (every time he went for a ride), "I didn't even cry!" (like he had before he knew how great it would be).














Well, I should get to bed. Everyone else is sleeping, and I should be too!

A big 5 year old!

As promised, here's the dedication to our eldest, Luke Wesley. He turned 5 on May 28, so is a Memorial Day weekend boy. I went into labor with him on the Friday night, he was born on Saturday, and we had 2 nice peaceful days in the hospital to recuperate before taking our new little bundle home. Wow! It sure doesn't seem that long ago, that I remember that first car ride home, checking on him every minute or so, so small and tiny back there in the car seat (even though it was only a 4 mile drive back to our house).

Luke is my sensitive one. He is generally concerned more about feelings (his own and other peoples) than I would expect him to be. That isn't to say that he's a sweetheart all the time! He definitely likes his status of the oldest, and uses it to boss his little brother and sister, making sure they follow the rules! He doesn't let me yell (ever) which is a good thing, because it makes me keep my cool when I'd rather blow up and say something I'll regret later. He also comes up to me and says, "I love you, Mom" many times a day (some days) loves to just sit on my lap and talk.

Luke also loves books. I started reading to him when he was just a tiny baby back in our trailer (6-8 months old) and he would sit still forever and listen. He still would sit on my lap all day and let me read stories to him. I don't recall him ever being the one to get up from reading. It's always been me saying, "okay, enough stories for today, time for something else". (the 2 little kids lose interest much quicker at a much older age than he). He's starting to read, although we'll not start official teaching until the fall. He also loves to draw. The doodle pad he was given is completely worn out from use. He's on his second one which is well loved as well. He usually draws equipment of some kind (excavators, car carriers, buses, trains, etc) although loves to draw whatever you request as well.

He is a great helper around the house, and usually does his chores "quickly and cheerfully" which is the criteria for chores around here. He is faithful at feeding scraps to the chickens, gathering eggs, hauling wood, and whatever help Daddy needs outside.

We have been so blessed with such a sweet boy, that is so thoughtful and loving. He absolutely loved going camping, so we likely will be doing more of it this summer now that we have our camper. He decorated his own birthday cake while we were out camping, picture below. We found some pictures online of "camping scene" cakes, so went to WinCo and picked out what we could find to make our own. He wanted asparagus or broccoli for the trees, but I talked him into the green licorice instead, since the other likely wouldn't be too appealing to eat, although it would look more authentic. We also thought the fruit rollups were blue instead of red/blue so the river looks more like the plagues of Egypt than a cool, mountain stream!

















The other thing this boy did was to hide his own birthday present. A couple months ago, we bought him a t-ball set (not intended to be a gift), but when we got home, he went and hid it in the guest room "until my birthday". He'd go check on it every now and then, and then had me wrap it up for his birthday. When he opened it up, he gleefully expressed, "great, it's just what I wanted!!" He also put some new shoes (bought on sale for when he outgrows the ones he's in) to "hide" in the guest room. He then wondered why I didn't wrap them up and give them on his birthday too. Silly boy! We did get him a gift too, even though he would have been perfectly satisfied with the t-ball set and shoes!

Teachable Moments

I love how life sometimes just comes together. Teaching kids various skills and attributes takes being on guard all the time for teachable moments. Sometimes it seems like they never get what you're trying to teach, but then the light comes on, and "Voila!" the concept is grasped.

Every night we read a Bible Story book to the kids before bed. Sometimes the stories are easily applicable to life, other times more of a history lesson. A couple weeks ago we read about King Solomon and his wisdom. How the 2 women came to him with the baby, and were fighting over who's baby it was. Solomon said, "cut the baby in 2 and then you can each have 1/2". The one woman said, "yes, do it" and the other woman said, "no, I'd rather give the baby away and have him live, than to let him die". Through this, Solomon knew who the true mother of the baby was. (the second woman, of course)

The next day, my boys were fighting over a ball. It seemed that no matter who had the ball, the other one wanted it. So, I suggested that I cut the ball in 2, and they could each have half. They thought for a minute, and decided to give Mom the ball so that neither of them would have it (our rule in this house for fighting over a toy). Then later that day, they were squabbling over their parking garage and who was supposed to be playing where. I again suggested we cut it in 2 so they could each play separately with their 1/2. They thought again and decided they could play nicely together, because a parking garage with only 1/2 a ramp does little good for anyone.

It's been a few weeks, and they still play nicely most of the time. I only have to suggest slightly that we should "cut something in 2" and they quickly find their own solution to whatever problem they may be facing. I love seeing them think their behavior through, rather than me just giving an ultimatum or rule, with no reason that they can see.

Kodak Moments

I was just thinking about what we used to call "Kodak Moments". I haven't heard the term in a while, but have been witness to a few things that just made me smile (and wish I had my camera to capture the moment, because each of them was only a moment!)

1) Driving by our neighbors and seeing a raccoon on his hind legs eating out of their hanging bird feeder late one night, his fat behind just hanging there. Greg witnessed this thief a few more times on his way to work, and we're hoping that the home owner will be in the yard some time so we can tell them who is eating all their food!

2) A elderly man flirting with an elderly woman in front of me in line at a coffee shop. I loved the smiles on their faces and it was reinforced that it isn't age, hair, clothes or beauty that attract us to each other. It's paying attention and smiling. Anyone looks good when they do that!

3) A young man I drove by who was imitating someone (it appeared) and was telling a "whopper" to a couple of young girls who were completely laughing their heads off at him. He was also flexing his biceps for extra effect, and the girls were loving it. Totally made my day to see how much fun they were having.

4) This last one happened a while back, and although it wasn't a laughing incident, it made me smile and was heartwarming. I was driving down our hill (3 miles) into town, and was just thinking about all the things I love about Kalama, our little town. I turned the corner past the school, and there was this elderly lady out walking her dog, and when she came to the storm drain, she reached into it with her grab-nabber (which I'm guessing was for picking up after her dog), cleared out all the dead leaves, and kept walking. It made me love Kalama even more, and reminded me that it takes all of us to do our part to keep our towns looking good.

I hope to get more pictures on my blogs again someday. We got a new computer, and although I've figured out how to download them onto the computer, I can't seem to get them onto my blog. I'll have to update a bunch when I finally get around to figuring it out.

The Demise of the Honeybees

This topic has come up many times in the past year, so I'll just share in a nutshell what I've learned. The "mysterious" demise of honeybees seems to be of concern, since we rely on them for so many things. There are so many plants that rely on bee pollination, and so not only will we not have enough honey to go around (that in itself is bad enough for me!), but most plants and flowers rely on bee pollination to reproduce.

First, there was an article in the Mother Earth News, wondering what is causing it.
(http://www.motherearthnews.com/Nature-Community/Colony-Collapse-Pesticides-Bees.aspx)
They elude to pesticides (bug killers), herbicides (weed killers) and even cell phone use (the waves in the air mess up the bees navigation) and many other causes that we've heard about perhaps.

The answer that I have received (which also makes the most sense to me, although the other answers likely contribute to the problem as well) is from my cousin T's husband W, who is a beekeeper in Austria. He is not just "a beekeeper". He has the largest bee farm in Austria, and is the head of the European Union of Beekeepers. I figure he probably knows what he's talking about.

He says that the bees are dying because of all the genetically engineered crops in the US. In Austria they don't allow any genetically modified crops (and have to pay a tariff to Europe because of this), but they also are one of the few industrialized countries that don't have the bee demise problem.

The genetically altered crops don't provide the bees with the proper nutrition, leaving them weak and susceptible to disease, mites, and other things that kill them. The government denies this, because that would mean subsidies would change, and they would lose profits. Thirteen countries grew genetically-engineered crops commercially in 2000, and of these, the U.S. produced the majority. In 2000, 68% of all GM crops were grown by U.S. farmers. In comparison, Argentina, Canada and China produced only 23%, 7% and 1%, respectively. Other countries that grew commercial GM crops in 2000 are Australia, Bulgaria, France, Germany, Mexico, Romania, South Africa, Spain, and Uruguay. From a US statistics via http://www.csa.com/discoveryguides/gmfood/overview.php

What does this mean for us, the consumer? Don't buy anything genetically modified. Research your food sources. One company that I love that does not buy any grains that are altered is Bob's Red Mill. Support local companies that promote healthy farming practices. Organic is better, because then you aren't supporting the use of pesticides, herbicides or growth hormones (more in animal products). Yes, I know it costs more. Lots more. But, the only way to get the price lower, is to demand that grocers carry organic, and give them your support. One site I read said that if we all didn't buy one new electronic gadget per year, we could afford to buy organic food for our families. Probably true.

Some of you may have watched the movie Food, Inc. I have not seen it myself, but have read reviews, and heard about it from my chiropractor as well as friends. This may help get the word out of how important it is for the health of our country to make healthy choices available (rather than lining the coffers of a few select companies, of which profit is the main goal)
http://www.foodincmovie.com/

So, that's all for today. While I'm writing this, my boys are listening to an audiobook on the saguaro cactus called the Cactus Cafe, and it just got done saying how the bees pollinate the saguaro fruit, to produce new cactus. "and if there are no bees, there are no new cacti" A sad state this world will come to if we (the consumer) don't put our foot down and demand quality over quantity or price.

From the Food, Inc. website, here's what we can do:
Learn more about these issues and how you can take action on Takepart.com

1. Stop drinking sodas and other sweetened beverages.
You can lose 25 lbs in a year by replacing one 20 oz soda a day with a no calorie beverage (preferably water).
2. Eat at home instead of eating out.
Children consume almost twice (1.8 times) as many calories when eating food prepared outside the home.
3. Support the passage of laws requiring chain restaurants to post calorie information on menus and menu boards.
Half of the leading chain restaurants provide no nutritional information to their customers.
4. Tell schools to stop selling sodas, junk food, and sports drinks.
Over the last two decades, rates of obesity have tripled in children and adolescents aged 6 to 19 years.

An estimated 70% of all antibiotics used in the United States are given to farm animals (milk is one of the highest, so to start buying organic, start with milk. You can't "wash" milk, like you can fruits and veggies).
5. Buy organic or sustainable food with little or no pesticides.
According to the EPA, over 1 billion pounds of pesticides are used each year in the U.S.
6. Protect family farms; visit your local farmer's market.
Farmer's markets allow farmers to keep 80 to 90 cents of each dollar spent by the consumer.
7. Make a point to know where your food comes from—READ LABELS.
The average meal travels 1500 miles from the farm to your dinner plate.
8. Tell Congress that food safety is important to you.
Each year, contaminated food causes millions of illnesses and thousands of deaths in the U.S.
9. Demand job protections for farm workers and food processors, ensuring fair wages and other protections.
10. Meatless Mondays—Go without meat one day a week.

May I caution you in making any of these transitions in your daily life. Only tackle one item at a time, and don't try something new until you've mastered the previous change. With any lifestyle changes, a slow transition makes everyone happier. Try a new recipe or two, but don't feel overwhelmed to change everything all at once. Then it'll end up fad-ish, and likely not last (just like a fad diet or exercise plan). Take it slow, and change your whole way of thinking slowly over time.

New Blog

I've been wanting to start a new blog for some time now, that focuses on our homeschooling journey. Since there are many topics you may not be interested in, I decided to do a complete separate blog. I finally got it started, and hope to update it weekly with our progress. It'll be mainly a journal for me, but it may be of interest to others. I also wanted it to be online, so that I can refer other homeschoolers to information that I've found, book reviews, as well as successes and challenges along the way. The link is on my favorites list, but here's the link here as well.

http://nurtureandadmonition.blogspot.com/

Hope you can join us on this new many-years-long adventure~!!

Prediction Accomplished

Before our eldest child was born, Greg's brother and mom started this running joke on what type of child "he" would be. They predicted a boy, who would have a British accent (I'm still not sure why he would end up with that, but it made it all the funnier) and would say things like, "Father, do we have enough petrol?" and such.

Well, low and behold, we have a son. And while this very Grandma was visiting one time, he says, "Dad, do we need any gas?" as we were passing by a gas station. Close enough. No British accent, but the American version basically said the same thing. That made Grandma laugh pretty hard.

Now, here he is making things come true again. The other day he says to me when we got home from church, "Mom, would it be all right if I stayed outside and got a bit of fresh air and exercise?" Put a British accent on it, (and change Mom to 'Mum' or 'Muth-uh' and it's perfect for the stereotype). I mean, what 4 (almost 5) year old worries about getting enough fresh air and exercise, except maybe kids in "The Secret Garden" or books like that.

He does make me laugh though. He's such a sweetheart, and I'll write more about him next week, since he'll be turning the big #5.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again ...

If my challenge this past winter has been cornbread (I've finally succeeded); my challenge last winter was yogurt. I wanted to make my own homemade, but it had to meet certain specifications. It had to be good! It had to be thick enough. It had to not require me to buy any more kitchen gadgets that I don't have room for.

Well, as you can see, the last one didn't hold true. I tried many methods of getting it to stay warm enough, without being too warm, and finally my mother-in-law and aunt took pity on me and gave me their old yogurt makers (from the 70's perhaps?). I can finally make yummy yogurt. (thank you S and Aunt B)

So, if you want to try your own, here's the successful version: (for these 2 makers)

Homemade Yogurt
-2 quarts of milk (we use whole or 2% usually)
-1/2 c. dry milk powder (I tried many variations without, and it was always too runny, so just use it!)
-1/2 c. plain yogurt for a start or Yogourmet start (can buy at health store usually)
Heat the milk in a pan and bring to scalding (about 180*F with candy thermometer or until it gets a skin on it, or until it starts foaming. Watch it, because when it foams, it foams!). Cool to 112-115*F (or lukewarm and you can hold your finger in it). To cool it quickly, put cold water in your sink or a shallow pan, and put the kettle in it. When cool, mix about 1/2 c. milk into the start and then pour the mixture back into the warm milk. Mix thoroughly but gently and pour into makers. Leave overnight or 6-8 hours, depending on how thick you want it.

I've been flavoring mine vanilla, so make a syrup with:
1/4 c. warm water
1/4 c. sugar
1 T. vanilla
Dissolve the sugar in the warm water, add vanilla. Add to warm milk right before putting in the yogurt maker. You may want to leave one plain cup to use for the start next time, but I usually forget, so it all gets vanilla flavor. (adjust vanilla and sugar to your taste, 1/2 c. sugar in 1/2 c. water works fine too)

Other methods you can try to incubate (which I wasn't very successful at, but you may be)
-Heating pad on low with a towel to cover. Put yogurt in a mason jar, set onto towel, and put a big kettle upside down over top to hold in the heat. The new heating pads shut off after 2-4 hours, so you may have to check to make sure the heat stays on (this does work, and was my most successful non-yogurt-maker method)
-Turn a slow cooker on warm with warm water in the bottom. When it's warm, turn off and just turn back on for 15 min every so often to maintain temp. (I found it too hard to be consistent turning the heat on and off. Even on warm, the milk will curdle if it gets too hot)
-In the oven next to the oven light (turned on of course) or pilot light
-In a cooler wrapped in a towel and other jars of hot water around it to keep the heat in for extended time
-In a warm windowsill. You want the temperature about 70-80*F
-Over the register on a cold night (this works well if your furnace kicks in alot, but on warmer nights, not so well)
-By the wood stove where it will stay toasty (but our fire goes out in the night, so it hasn't been successful either)
-Find a yogurt maker...that makes it much more foolproof.

That first winter I was experimenting, I made a lot of watery yogurt. Greg would take it to work to eat (or more often, drink) anyways, and told the guys there that his wife was "culturally challenged". Thankfully I've been able to finally make some good stuff. If you do make a flop, it's great to use instead of milk in pancakes or baking (like buttermilk). Don't throw it out!

The Final Episode - Which Bible?

This is the last section I wanted to write (for now) that comes to mind about our spiritual walk. And the topic is Bibles. Which Bible should we use, and does it matter? I was waiting to get a book from my mom so that I could quote directly out of it, instead of paraphrasing what I remembered. I gave my original copy to Greg's Papa when we were in AZ, so finally got my new one, so here goes.

The book is called On A New Foundation? and is written by Pat Ammeter. Pat is a friend of my mom (in Sylvan Lake, AB), and has written this book to expose what she has learned through years of research on false teachings, and spiritual fallacies. She herself was immersed in a very charismatic church from childhood, and whenever she questioned a "spiritual experience" of someone, was shunned as she was taught that questioning spirituality was wrong. The problem came when these spiritual experiences didn't line up with Scripture. We are to test all the spirits, by the Bible, thus leading her to examine the Bibles she was using. At the time, she was her church's librarian, and made it her pride and joy to have one of EVERY version of Bible, on her library's shelves. She now repents of that, and shares what she has learned in the process. She cited at least 20 books on Bible version history and defenses, and has researched this topic thoroughly. I like her book too, because it is written easily for the lay person to understand.

I won't go into the history of each version as she describes them, but the conclusion she came to is that the King James Version is the ONLY reliable source. All the other versions were taken either from corrupted manuscripts or the publishers had corrupt means for publishing, or both (making money!!). Which is why all versions, except the KJV are copyrighted, and the publishers receive royalties for each sale (so when sales drop, they need to 'revise' the version to update and then everyone will buy more to increase sales again). I will quote her chapter 24 in almost entirety, since it sums up what the many chapters talk about. It's rather lengthy, but worthy of your time to read. Pat is a stickler for truth, and isn't afraid of people not liking her (the fear many have for remaining true). I'll first quote the end of the chapter, in which Pat quotes one of her references:

In the closing chapter of his book, The King James Version Defended, Edward F. Hills pens this solemn warning:

"In regard to Bible versions many contemporary Christians are behaving like spoiled and rebellious children. They want a Bible version that pleases them no matter whether it pleases God or not. "We want a Bible version in our own idiom," they clamor. "We want a Bible that talks to us in the same way in which we talk to our friends over the telephone. We want an informal God, no better educated than ourselves, with a limited vocabulary and a taste for modern slang." And having thus registered their preference, they go their several ways. Some of them unite with the modernists in using the RSV or the NEB. Others deem the NASV or the NIV more "evangelical". Still others opt for the TEV or the Living Bible.

But, God is bigger than you, dear friend, and the Bible version which you use is not a matter for you to decide according to your whims and prejudices. It has already been decided for you by the workings of God's special providence. If you ignore this providence and choose to adopt one of the modern versions, you will be taking the first step in the logic of unbelief. For the arguments which you must use to justify your choice are the same arguments which unbelievers use to justify theirs, the same method. If you adopt one of these modern versions, you must adopt the naturalistic New Testament textual criticism upon which it rests...In other words, naturalistic textual criticism regards the special, providential preservation of the Scriptures as of no importance for the study of the New Testament text. But if we concede this, then it follows that the infallible inspiration of the Scriptures is likewise unimportant. For why is it important that God should infallibly inspire the Scriptures, if it is not important that He should preserve them by His special providence.

Where, oh where, dear brother or sister, did you ever get the idea that it is up to you to decide which Bible version you will receive as God's holy Word? As long as you harbor this false notion, you are little better than an unbeliever. As long as you cherish this erroneous opinion, you are entirely on your own. For you the Bible has no real authority, only what your rebellious reasons deigns to give it! For you there is no comfort, no assurance of faith. Cast off, therefore, this carnal mind that leads to death! Put on the spiritual mind that leads to life and peace. Receive by faith the True Text of God's Holy Word, which has be preserved down through the ages by His special providence and now is found in the Masoretic Hebrew text, the Greek Texus Receptus, and the King James Version and other faithful translations."

Now, to her portion of the chapter (some paragraphs excluded just for space constraints)
Chapter 24
Back to My Old King James Bible

"The evidence tells me it's time to take my King James Bible out again, if I can find it. Yes, I have found it and dusted it off. Actually, I almost gave it away. To my surprise, many others are doing the same thing. Many people are tired of the confusion and aren't happy with the new versions. They are checking it out for themselves, comparing the different Bibles and deciding that they have to go back to the King James, the most popular Book ever published.

Was my problem with the KJV itself or was it my ignorance of the Bible? Or maybe I just read the Bible without thinking. No one will argue that there are some Bible passages which are difficult to understand. It's not always so simple; it can be tough reading even in the modern versions.

Just for the sake of argument, let's view this as if we are on the liberal side of the debate and are in favor of the modern versions. Those modern Bibles are from different manuscripts and interpretations. They know they are. If they know the Bibles have changed and also express some of the Gnostic views with which they seem to agree, then why do we continue to defend these Bibles as though they have not been changed?

No one will argue that the KJV has the odd word with which we aren't too familiar. Maybe the "eth" could be removed from the end of words, or the odd word changed that has some weird spelling, as it wouldn't change the meaning. Some versions of the KJV have a little dictionary of those words either alongside the word or at the back of the Bible. You can get little dictionaries just for the KJV. These few old words don't interfere in any way with understanding the teachings of Scripture. There is nothing wrong with researching word as they are found throughout the Bible in order to find a fuller meaning for a deeper study. It's done all the time. It doesn't change the meaning.

Salvation, in the KJV, is very clear to a child. We, who live in the western world, boast of being so enlightened but we can't understand the KJV. If children can understand what they need to, why can't the adults? We will never understand the mystery of salvation but we certainly know the Way.

The Bible is being "dumbed down" in these new versions to keep pace with our everyday language. When educators in our country are concerned about what is happening to our language, shouldn't the translators of the Word of God be concerned as well? The language in these new versions is way down on the scale as far as a school grade level. They start at about grade 3 to grade 8, the highest being the KJV. Most people have more than a grade 8 education.

In our microwave society and easy-chair lifestyle which we all love, we would rather be entertained in church than really get to know the Word of God. We tend to need a book which someone wrote to help us do our studying. We don't even think about checking into the belief system of the author. In this day and age we live in, it's a must! If a book is at the top of the best sellers list, written by a popular preacher or just sounds good, that is generally good enough. Often the author isn't even a born-again Christian but we study their work anyway.

Yes, I even put New Age books in the church library not knowing what they were, for example, the Chicken Soup series. We might not be so eager to read or promote the author's books if we did research into his beliefs. Could we discern the error? We have been so influenced by the wisdom of this world that we don't stop to think if it lines up with the Word of God or not. I know; I've been there. We are much more acquainted with what we are taught, and that may not be truth.

The defenders of the new modern versions do not seem to have a problem with how much is distorted or missing in these new Bibles. They believe the 'red line' which means that Christ still remains in these Bibles from Genesis to Revelations even if the Bibles are somewhat corrupted. These people also do not mind attending a church which has false teachings; they say "I can worship God anywhere."

My question to these people would be, "with which image of Christ will you end up with?" Is Christ deity or is He just a good teacher?"

She also goes into the importance of memorizing Scripture and ingraining it in our hearts. If you'd like to read this book, you can contact me to get a copy (or read my copy when I'm done rereading it). It is very convicting, but also very liberating.

Boring is blissful

Parenting seems to be full of mundane-ness, but also full of surprises. A friend noted that we need to be thankful for the boring days, because some parents are wishing their lives were more boring (a child in the hospital, a child in the military overseas and in harms way, and so many other things that are unpredictable). One thing that is predictable but unpredictable in this house is a 1 year old that has just learned to walk. Elise has been loving exploring, and yesterday was found with a whisk, stirring in the toilet. Not an hour later, her brother was going to the bathroom, and she followed him in there and threw a toy airplane in the toilet. Now this morning she has unwrapped a whole roll of toilet paper, twice. We try to keep close tabs on her, but she is so busy wandering from room to room, that sometimes I forget to watch her. I can't shut the bathroom door since James can't reach it if he needs in there (I suppose I could have him have Luke open it for him), so will just have to be firm in teaching her where she can play, and where she can't. She also loves to get up on the boys stools (at the sink) and throw things in the sink (usually something metal and clangy).

James has been recovering from a crash last week he had with a deck corner post. It left a nasty scrape and bruise on his face, but he has been tough. He bounced back and was outside playing again right after. My mom has a theory to "put a cold wet washcloth" on the point of injury, and that cures things amazingly well. I didn't believe her at first, but after watching her miraculously "heal" a wide range of injuries this way, I'm sold. The washcloth comes out, and works it's magic, and the kid is back playing in no time.

James was the hero the other day when Greg offhandedly remarked "well, I should go get those chickens back in soon" to me. James donned his boots, ran outside, rounded up all 10 chickens (no easy task in itself as the ones you caught usually get away when you go to get more) and came in the house to ask "can someone help me shut the chicken pen?" He did a great job, all by himself.

Luke has been using his imagination and making all kinds of animals out of Legos lately. Yesterday we got a giraffe (with 18 inch neck) and a chicken. The boys love their chickens, and collect the eggs faithfully every day, as well as feeding them scraps, making sure they have water, and letting them out and putting them away once they've been out in the yard. He also loves to draw, and today it was numerous pictures of Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Sinai (right next to each other) erupting with "ash and smoke everywhere".

The kids also love pushing the two couches together and making a boat out of them. They also pretend it's a bus, a covered wagon, a ferry, etc. Elise loves it when they take the cushions off the couch and play either polar bears, tigers or wolves; because then she can climb up on the couch (when she otherwise can't). She has no idea of danger or falling though, so has to be watched rather carefully.

I, in the meantime, try to get my mundane daily chores done, read them some books here and there every day, and answer their many questions. It's such a great job being their Mom, and oftentimes I take it for granted that they'll always be as cute and random as they are now. They do tend to frustrate me a lot with their childishness (spilling milk, making messes in the sink, etc), but I do love their hugs and kisses and "I wuv you, Mom" that they so often give.

So that's what's new (0r not new, but pleasantly mundane) in our house.