One of the things that I struggle with most is guilt. I never noticed it until I became a mother, maybe because I have more time to think about it now or maybe because I think more about the choices I make, because they usually involve someone else. Or perhaps because I'm home all day, I figure that I should have more time than when I was committed to going to work each day. It seems like guilty thoughts just run through my head hundreds of times, plaguing me some days. Although I try to prayerfully dismiss them, they seem to crop up over and over. "I should call so-and-so" "I sure wish I could help ____" "I should feed my kids more vegetables" "I should spend more time with ____" "I should read my Bible more" I feel guilty when I can't keep up on things when I have bad days. I feel guilty when I have good days, because I know others are having bad days, and I wish I could help them out. It just goes on and on.
I did read an article in a magazine that helped me, so I'll share some of it here today. I still struggle with guilt, but at least recognizing it's source (the devil) and what to do about it helps. The article is called That Guilty Feeling written by Deborah Wuehler published in Spring 2010 issue of The Old Schoolhouse magazine. This is a homeschool magazine, so the article is focused on homeschooling, but the solutions can be practiced in all aspects of life. I did paraphrase some paragraphs for space purposes. http://thehomeschoolmagazine.com/
She starts "I have birthed 8 children and homeschooled them for the past 19 years, but I still feel like an unqualified, unorganized, undisciplined, under-educated, full-time failure of a homeschool mom. What do I do with this load of guilt I seem to always be carrying? Do I suffer in silence and depression and hope the guilt goes away someday? Do I let everyone know how badly I feel and possibly gain some compassionate friends to commiserate with me? Do I go into overdrive and try to fix all the things that are causing these guilty feelings? Do I put on a martyr complex and go around like Eeyore without his tail? Or, maybe I put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine. I have tried them all and have learned that none of those things provides the answer. Let's go to the root of the struggle.
"Why do we struggle with guilt? I have found that most of those guilty feelings come from one thing: expectations. Whether it is something I am expecting of myself or my children or something I feel others are expecting of me, those expectations can carry with them loads of guilt if we feel we don't measure up. Here are 5 common areas of struggle:
"1. How everyone else does it has got to be better than the way I am doing it. No matter what we are doing, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.
"2. I am inadequate in some way. I don't have enough patience, organization, motivation, creativity, etc. But nor does anyone else (even though it may seem that way). But I do have a command to follow God's leading and be confident in what He entrusts to my care. As I listen to God's voice on how to do that, I can begin to bear the yoke alongside my Lord and follow His lead, and grow in patience. As I work in harmony with my meek and patient God, I grow in motivation as I begin to realize God's purposes for my children, and I grow in organization and creativity as I am refreshed by helpful resources, and like-minded friends He leads me to. Although I may not feel like I have what it takes to do what I believe is a sufficient job, the grace of God is sufficient in my weakness, and His strength is even made perfect there! "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me". 2 (Corinthians 12:9)
"3.I feel guilty about not getting it all done: not enough schooling, house-work, record-keeping, meal planning, etc. Getting it all done has never been my forte. What things are truly important: the physical needs around us or the spiritual needs around us? If you have to set aside that pile of laundry to take one of your children to the foot of the cross, you have chosen the better thing. When I am overwhelmed with guilt and stress, I go to the Scriptures, where I gain a higher perspective of life: "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Psalm 61:2) A familiar song fills my mind and erases that blackboard once again: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace."
"4. I feel guilty about my slow learner, or my rebellious child, or my tomboy girl or my overly active boys. I feel guilty about my overly shy and tender child. To put you at ease, nearly every family probably has at least one of these kinds of children (usually more). But we tend to feel that if we were doing it right, we'd have no rebels or kids who don't have a clue about learning or sitting still or fitting into some other mold. The truth is, our children are unique, and we know them best. We can teach around and to those special gifts that God has blessed them with. We can be confident that as their parents, we know them best and have their best interests in mind when making decisions for their little lives.
"5. Others make me feel guilty because we are different and don't fit in. Other make me feel guilty because they think that we are not doing the right things in our lives. Do we want to be fitting in? We should be looking and acting differently from the world. We should not do what the world dictates, but rather what God dictates. We should not be yoked with unrighteousness but be a separate people as unto the Lord. Don't worry what others think of your decisions, worry about what God would think of them. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Guilty before God
"When we stand before the Judge of all the earth, what will be our plea? Guilty. But, the good news- the magnificent news, is that we have an advocate: Jesus Christ the Righteous One. Not only are we cleansed of guilt, but when no one on this earth advocates or encourages our obedience and desire to live a righteous life, Jesus Christ not only advocates but also blesses and rewards our efforts.
Heavenly Expectations
"Jesus Christ lays out the course we are to run and then runs the race with us. He is before us cheering us on to the finish line. He authored the race and He will help us complete the race. There is no guilt in feeling tired from running or sweating from exertion or falling over a rock in the path or even tripping over our own two feet. We might feel a bit clumsy and laugh or cry a bit, but our Coach reaches down, picks us up, gives us a drink and a hug, and then starts us off again. We get up and keep going because it is all part of the race.
"So what do we do with all those expectations (from ourselves or from others)? We cast them off since they are too weighty to run with. The eternal expectations we need to fulfill are what the Lord requires. Micah 6:8 says it all: He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"
Pretty good, hey? I have to say that my guilt is often for things that I want to do to help others, but can't do because my home/family would suffer. It seems like there is always someone who could use a hand, needs some encouragement, needs a care package, etc. There just isn't enough time in the day to call all the people I want to call, visit the people I want to visit and even meet the needs of my husband and children. That's more the guilt I suffer with. And I often wonder whether guilt is prompting me to do something, or if the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do something (like visit a long lost friend, for example) How do you know the difference? Because if it's the Holy Spirit, I'd better not be ignoring it and passing it off as guilt. So, until I can get it all figured out (which is likely never!) you can just call me the Queen of Good Intentions~
I did read an article in a magazine that helped me, so I'll share some of it here today. I still struggle with guilt, but at least recognizing it's source (the devil) and what to do about it helps. The article is called That Guilty Feeling written by Deborah Wuehler published in Spring 2010 issue of The Old Schoolhouse magazine. This is a homeschool magazine, so the article is focused on homeschooling, but the solutions can be practiced in all aspects of life. I did paraphrase some paragraphs for space purposes. http://thehomeschoolmagazine.com/
She starts "I have birthed 8 children and homeschooled them for the past 19 years, but I still feel like an unqualified, unorganized, undisciplined, under-educated, full-time failure of a homeschool mom. What do I do with this load of guilt I seem to always be carrying? Do I suffer in silence and depression and hope the guilt goes away someday? Do I let everyone know how badly I feel and possibly gain some compassionate friends to commiserate with me? Do I go into overdrive and try to fix all the things that are causing these guilty feelings? Do I put on a martyr complex and go around like Eeyore without his tail? Or, maybe I put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine. I have tried them all and have learned that none of those things provides the answer. Let's go to the root of the struggle.
"Why do we struggle with guilt? I have found that most of those guilty feelings come from one thing: expectations. Whether it is something I am expecting of myself or my children or something I feel others are expecting of me, those expectations can carry with them loads of guilt if we feel we don't measure up. Here are 5 common areas of struggle:
"1. How everyone else does it has got to be better than the way I am doing it. No matter what we are doing, the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence.
"2. I am inadequate in some way. I don't have enough patience, organization, motivation, creativity, etc. But nor does anyone else (even though it may seem that way). But I do have a command to follow God's leading and be confident in what He entrusts to my care. As I listen to God's voice on how to do that, I can begin to bear the yoke alongside my Lord and follow His lead, and grow in patience. As I work in harmony with my meek and patient God, I grow in motivation as I begin to realize God's purposes for my children, and I grow in organization and creativity as I am refreshed by helpful resources, and like-minded friends He leads me to. Although I may not feel like I have what it takes to do what I believe is a sufficient job, the grace of God is sufficient in my weakness, and His strength is even made perfect there! "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me". 2 (Corinthians 12:9)
"3.I feel guilty about not getting it all done: not enough schooling, house-work, record-keeping, meal planning, etc. Getting it all done has never been my forte. What things are truly important: the physical needs around us or the spiritual needs around us? If you have to set aside that pile of laundry to take one of your children to the foot of the cross, you have chosen the better thing. When I am overwhelmed with guilt and stress, I go to the Scriptures, where I gain a higher perspective of life: "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." (Psalm 61:2) A familiar song fills my mind and erases that blackboard once again: "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace."
"4. I feel guilty about my slow learner, or my rebellious child, or my tomboy girl or my overly active boys. I feel guilty about my overly shy and tender child. To put you at ease, nearly every family probably has at least one of these kinds of children (usually more). But we tend to feel that if we were doing it right, we'd have no rebels or kids who don't have a clue about learning or sitting still or fitting into some other mold. The truth is, our children are unique, and we know them best. We can teach around and to those special gifts that God has blessed them with. We can be confident that as their parents, we know them best and have their best interests in mind when making decisions for their little lives.
"5. Others make me feel guilty because we are different and don't fit in. Other make me feel guilty because they think that we are not doing the right things in our lives. Do we want to be fitting in? We should be looking and acting differently from the world. We should not do what the world dictates, but rather what God dictates. We should not be yoked with unrighteousness but be a separate people as unto the Lord. Don't worry what others think of your decisions, worry about what God would think of them. Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Guilty before God
"When we stand before the Judge of all the earth, what will be our plea? Guilty. But, the good news- the magnificent news, is that we have an advocate: Jesus Christ the Righteous One. Not only are we cleansed of guilt, but when no one on this earth advocates or encourages our obedience and desire to live a righteous life, Jesus Christ not only advocates but also blesses and rewards our efforts.
Heavenly Expectations
"Jesus Christ lays out the course we are to run and then runs the race with us. He is before us cheering us on to the finish line. He authored the race and He will help us complete the race. There is no guilt in feeling tired from running or sweating from exertion or falling over a rock in the path or even tripping over our own two feet. We might feel a bit clumsy and laugh or cry a bit, but our Coach reaches down, picks us up, gives us a drink and a hug, and then starts us off again. We get up and keep going because it is all part of the race.
"So what do we do with all those expectations (from ourselves or from others)? We cast them off since they are too weighty to run with. The eternal expectations we need to fulfill are what the Lord requires. Micah 6:8 says it all: He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"
Pretty good, hey? I have to say that my guilt is often for things that I want to do to help others, but can't do because my home/family would suffer. It seems like there is always someone who could use a hand, needs some encouragement, needs a care package, etc. There just isn't enough time in the day to call all the people I want to call, visit the people I want to visit and even meet the needs of my husband and children. That's more the guilt I suffer with. And I often wonder whether guilt is prompting me to do something, or if the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do something (like visit a long lost friend, for example) How do you know the difference? Because if it's the Holy Spirit, I'd better not be ignoring it and passing it off as guilt. So, until I can get it all figured out (which is likely never!) you can just call me the Queen of Good Intentions~
