Here's a few of my favorite quotes from the past year. G. K. Chesterton has a ton of fabulous quotes, but these were two I saved recently. Greg interpreted the first one far differently than I did, so take it as you will! I'd love to read more of his books, but there's seems so little time to learn so much in life. C. S. Lewis is another favorite that I could have found a bunch about, but I'm just leaving one. Feels like my own "house" is being remodeled fairly heavily these last few years.
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
This quote below is from a book called Openness Unhindered by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield. This was an excellent book parsing out many difficult subjects in our world today, and how God's Word has power and authority, and she addresses these issues with understanding and compassion. Highly recommend. I had to read it in very small doses, as there was so much to absorb and mull over.
This one below has been a favorite for many years, from Elisabeth Elliot. Our journey of learning God's grace is a lifetime of surrendering our own will and way. It's often painful, yet beautiful.
I've heard this word boundary below the last few years, and I have to admit I still don't understand it very well. This definition is the best that I can tell, and I really don't know how to actually apply it in life either. But, I do understand from this definition that they are necessary for healthy relationships. I'm going to need to learn this with my adult children soon (already starting!) I've ordered the book called Boundaries from the library on it by Townsend and Cloud, so hopefully I'll get a better understanding how this all works. I realize that muddy boundaries (or lack all together) lead to unhealthy relationships which leads to resentments and hurts on both sides.
These below are good reminders for me because one of the things I've been convicted of doing (all my life) when faced with someone struggling or suffering, is to try to help/fix by giving unsolicited advice. Yup. Lots of damage done, lots to repent of, lots of new habits to learn.
(note: there is a big difference between solicited advice and unsolicited advice).
Codependency is the result of not having boundaries (of where our responsibility ends and another person's begins). We take on other adults behaviors/problems/suffering as if somehow we are responsible for them. We feel it's our duty to help, fix or solve their problems, and this has been a big problem for me. When people tell me their problems, I feel the need to try to help them however clumsily that may be. I do it mostly to reduce my own discomfort with sitting in pain, as it feels like it reduces it somehow (on my end anyways!) But, often they don't want help, they just want to vent or share their pain (and are actually asking for empathy or compassion). Or they don't want help because they are already trying something themselves. Or they are overwhelmed and can't try anything new. Or they don't want my help because they know better than me about their own situation. (surprise, surprise!) Or they think they do, who's to tell?! I haven't known how to just listen and let it go (or that that was even a possibility). Or listen and pray for them. Or listen and offer compassion. I've never learned how to just listen through the pain and discomfort while still recognizing that their life's situation is not my responsibility. These qualities make for a good ER nurse but not a good friend. This quote right below really hit home for me. I don't know how many times I've offered solutions that weren't asked for, weren't reasonable, weren't wanted; due to my own discomfort with someone else's pain.
"If you think you have the solution, then you don't know enough about the problem." ~author unknown
When I'm tempted to "help" someone, I now remind myself of one or the other of these two quotes. They somehow ease my need to get into business that isn't mine to solve. And just listen with compassion instead. It's baby steps though. I still screw it up rather regularly.
I recently had a Bowen massage (I highly recommend any type of myofascial massage!) and the massage therapist is also an RN. She and I were talking about some of these things, and she said, "the healthcare field is full of brown-nosing people seeking approval, it's a perfect breeding ground for do-gooding and getting approval for it." Ouch. But it's also true. Many of us who ended up in the healthcare field feel this impulsive need to help people to avoid dealing with our own feelings of needing help ourselves. Or wanting to measure up in some way. Many other career choices also fit into this category. Some of the best world changers are those who are wholly driven by an extreme fear of failure and need for approval in various ways. She also said when parents heal, their children heal by 90%. I don't have any info to prove this (haven't looked into it either), but even one healthy person in a relationship increases their vital energy (homeopathy) and makes the whole scenario a healthier environment to be around. Good motivation!
Romans 12:14Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. 15Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. 16Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
These below are what I'm learning going forward from here. It's hard, I'll admit.
I realize some of these probably need explaining, but take what you want from them, I'm mostly sharing them to remind myself some goals in moving forward from here. Not sure really how to do this, but God is leading me day by day and opening my eyes as He sees fit.
