Book Review~ Good News for Weary Women

I know, I know...I said I wasn't going to be reading any more 'helpful' books for a while, but isn't a while over yet?  It's been 6 months.  And...I couldn't find any biographies that interested me at the library, and this one was sitting there on the shelf.  I couldn't resist.  

Anyhow, I've heard of this author before (just random quotes), but had never read anything by her.  Good News for Weary Women is by Elyse Fitzpatrick, and apparently she's written 20+ books now.  This one is from 2014, so has been out for a few years.  After my big shenanigans with the do more, be more, expect more preaching stuff from last year,  I don't have much tolerance for that kind of stuff.  Grace is where it's all at, and this book specializes in the preaching of grace.

From the Amazon synopsis: 

"Are you exhausted? Women today really do feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. Every morning we are greeted with a long list of to-dos: get the kids up and out the door on time, have a meaningful quiet time, put in a full day at the office, spend an hour at the gym, prepare a healthy and delicious meal (organic and locally grown, of course), and make sure the sink sparkles before you go to bed. Oh, and don’t forget to look great and smile while you’re doing it. These are all good things to do, of course. But the bigger problem occurs when we start to feel as if our worth is measured by our to-do lists. And the messages we receive at church, on Facebook, and from the media only perpetuate these unrealistic expectations, creating a relentless cycle of exhaustion. As Elyse Fitzpatrick has traveled this country, she has seen increasing evidence of this weariness epidemic invading our churches and communities. And she has good news for women everywhere: there is hope! God doesn’t judge us by our to-do lists. Instead, He calls us to faith. Free yourself today from the endless stream of bad advice and discover the true rest God offers."

True Christianity is not a program of self-improvement, it's an acknowledgement that more than self-improvement is needed. What's needed is the death and resurrection gospel words, gospel constructs, gospel motives, gospel power- a loving Redeeemer. Elyse Fitzpatrick

I marked so many places in the book that I want to share, but will have to do a bit compromising, or this blog post will get very long.  Many of the Amazon reviewers have great quotes from the book as well, if you want more than I will give here (without actually reading the book yourself!)

She starts out by telling how often we don't divide the law and the gospel rightly, and that in trying to fulfill the law (rules set out by others, the church and our own moral selves) we diminish the gospel (what Christ has done for us).  She explains this very well, in how we need both, but the law should always turn us to Christ and His fulfillment of the law.  The law shows us our sinfulness, our willfulness and our failure to keep God's impossible laws, which is why we need Christ.  She quotes a commentary that says, "The only "work" that guarantees the possession of this redemptive manna is to believe in Jesus (John 6:29).  The gospel sabotages any notion of legalism or performance-based acceptability with God.  The only thing we bring to Jesus is our need.  All we offer is the admission that we have nothing to offer."  What is our highest calling?  It's to believe on He whom God has sent.  Nothing more is needed or required, and all we do is because of what He has already done for us.  When we add more rules than that, we put ourselves and others into the bondage of either pride (I can do it) or despair (I can't do it).  For many women we then don't have the righteousness, peace and joy that we have been promised by the gospel message in either state.

She talks about doing good so we can feel good so our life will turn out good (karma?).  That's a common notion today too, isn't it?  If we "live intentionally", things will go well for us, right?!  Wrong.  We live in a sinful world, full of bad things.  The Bible does not teach this in the least, but it sounds good, doesn't it?  If we make all the "right" choices, then why would we need the gospel?  Even if we say we don't believe in karma, this is what karma is.  Do good to others and it'll come back to you.    Karma is all for our own self-esteem, and has nothing to do with Christ.  We may not call it that, but we often think it in our minds, don't we?  We all want to measure up, be accepted and want people to think good of us, and what kind of things might we do to achieve this?  Lots of good things which we hope will amount to something. 

As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.  They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Romans 3:10-12

How about doing good things to earn God's blessing?  Do we believe our efforts will somehow gain God's favor?  If we do our daily devotions, do we believe that we will earn more than those who slack off and sleep in instead?  Do we lack of mercy towards those who are not as diligent as us, or who may struggle spiritually?  Can we be Pharisees quite easily without even recognizing it?  She says that God is not a cosmic vending machine that lights up when we put forth the right effort. She tells how in the Old Testament the people's obedience problem couldn't be solved by a mere extra elbow grease or more good intentions.  They had a heart problem, just as we do.  They were stubborn, disobedient, prideful and they needed a Savior, just as we do.  She quotes Luther saying, "The foolishness of the heart is so great that in this conflict of conscience, when the law has done what it is supposed to do, we not only lay hold on the doctrine of grace, which promises forgiveness of sins for Christ's sake, but we seek more laws to satisfy our conscience."  Has your heart been foolish in seeking more laws to satisfy your conscience?   Are the rules that plague you actually in the Bible, or they ones that have been added by man or your own heart?  Do you believe that whatever you do or don't do, God still sees Christ's perfect obedience not your own view of your failures?

The reason for all of this is that we like rules.  They make us feel safe and in control, and offer a way that we can believe that we can achieve perfection.  But, we also have serious problems with pride.  So, the more rules we can keep, the more our sinful hearts tally up those good things (or subtract the failures), in hopes that somehow we'll gain more than we lose.  Yet we always will fail, in one way or the other.  We'll fail in the doing or we'll fail by being prideful.  Because in this way of thinking, we are looking inwards for safety, approval and perfection, and our consciences will never be satisfied that we've done enough.  But, when Christ is King of our lives, He lives the perfect life so we don't have to.  We can screw up majorly every.single.day, and His grace still covers us.  Hard to believe, isn't it?  She says that we are "allergic to grace", we resist it because rules are safe, but grace is far more than we can comprehend.  When we follow the Apostle Paul's life, we see that although he kept all the rules just as he should, it was counted as nothing for his righteousness.  He needed Christ, and Him alone. 

So what do we boast about?  Do we look down on those who don't have it together like we do?  Even if we never say anything to anyone, these conversations still go on in our minds.  We're judgmental, we lack mercy, we compare, we want approval.  Paul teaches us that: "Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.  Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. (Romans 3:27, 28)  Paul pointed out all that God had done through his weakness and failures.  He refused to let himself try to gain approval by his own merits or successes or others commending him.  But, deep in our prideful, foolish hearts we still boast.  In what ways have we judged others who didn't keep the same rules or traditions as us?  Can you see any ways that you prevent others from seeing your weaknesses?  Do you see the gospel as a recipe for self-improvement, or freedom from self-improvement?  What does Scripture say?

Elyse says, “If we’re trying to assure ourselves that we’re okay and that God is happy with us because we’ve been good, we’re actually denying Christ. Our pursuit of self-perfection is a denial of Christ because it is His work to make us okay, to justify us. And when we try to do it ourselves, we’re basically saying that His work isn’t enough; it isn’t sufficient."

C. F. W. Walther said, "The Gospel does not require anything good that man must furnish: not a good heart, not a good disposition, no improvement of his condition, no godliness, no love either of God or men...It plants love into his heart and makes him capable of all good works.  It demands nothing, but gives all.  Should not this fact make us leap for joy?"  In this we can rest and relax in His capable hands.  Do we confess of our pride, weakness and failures?  Why do we resist being transparent?  Do you struggle more with despair or pride?  

God is well-pleased with us if we get up early and do our devotions and have our quiet time.  He's also just as pleased with us if we roll out of bed 30 minutes late and forget His name.  He is pleased when we fall on our face to Him in the same sin over and over again, or if we by His grace shun it.  Jesus has done it all in our place.  There's nothing we can do to win more favor.  Have I said it enough yet?  Do you truly believe it?  Have you heard the gospel message enough times to believe it deep down in your heart?  Do you still seek self-approval or approval from others?  Do you believe that His righteousness covers everything?  Or do I need the righteousness of myself added on today?  Ouch.  Resist all those voices that tell you to do more or try harder.  (Amen!)  Stop pretending you have it all together, and admit you're a sinner.  A real pathetic one.  And you have a Savior, a real wonderful one!  We have the righteousness of God within us, so others can see that God loves the weak, the weary, the wounded; not the perfect ones with the perfect little lives.  And also, laugh a lot.  Laugh at your failures, shortcomings and weaknesses; laugh that you're such a sinner, yet Christ calls you a saint; smile at all the broken people God used in the Bible for His glory too.  Walk in the Light, as He is in the Light.  Let His love transform us away from all the bondage and rules, and walk in freedom of the gospel.

“How can we recognize the Good News? Let me suggest one way for you to begin to judge whether a word you've just heard or read is rooted in grace and flowing from the gospel. If you walk away from church or any other message saying, "I'm going to try really, really, really hard to do better-- to be a better woman, wife, mother, daughter, or friend," then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away feeling proud of yourself because you've got all those steps covered, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away feeling shamed and full of despair because you know what a loser you are, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away trying to figure out how to get everyone in your family on the same page so you can be successful, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. You haven't heard the good news. And the good news is the only message that will free you to be the woman Christ has meant for you to be. The good news is what you need to believe. And belief in the good news is the only way for you to find freedom in your identity in Christ.” 
~Elyse Fitzpatrick in Good News for Weary Women

Here's a podcast/video of a summary of the book, if you learn better that way.
Grace for Weary Women

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood, From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure, Save me from its guilt and power.

Not the labor of my hands  Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know, Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone, Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hands I bring, Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress, Helpless, look to Thee for grace:
Foul, I to the fountain fly, Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath, When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown, See Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee.
~Augustus Montague Toplady (1740-1778)

Old dog, new tricks...I mean insights

Now that I'm a few years into my 40s, I've come to a few conclusions about myself.  Why it took this long, I'm not sure, but it did.  Maybe because I finally have time to think after so many years with babies on the brain, lack of sleep, poor health and so many other pressing issues.  Oh, well.  Although I've realized that the better we understand ourselves, the better we can offer grace and mercy to our selves for our weaknesses and not let other peoples expectations determine us.  

The first thing I concluded was that I'm not going to apologize for being late anymore.  No one cares what I apologize for, because they already have it in their head why I'm late.  And my reasons are so mundane that explaining them seems like such a waste of time.  Just last week we were all getting out the door.  I had 6 kids buckled, shoes on all, coats on all, lunches packed, water bottles for all, sports equipment as needed.  We left on time with a few minutes to spare.  I counted heads as I drove out the driveway and thought we were good.  As I slowed down in town, I glanced back again and noticed that little 5 year old was missing her glasses.   I asked her if she could manage without them, and she said, "Well, I can't see very good.  Just a little bit."  So, I turned around and went home for them.  6 minutes back up the hill and another 6 back down.  That's 12 minutes behind now, making us about 10 minutes late.  

Last summer we had an experience where we had several errands in town, and then were meeting some friends.  We rocked it on the time slots, and when we finished up we were 10 minutes early for our meeting time.  We sat in the car in the shade and listened to an audiobook while we waited, and then when the time was right we drove the 1/2 mile over to where we were meeting them.  I thought to myself, "whew, for once we're on time."  Until my son announced to me that he hoped I wasn't using the clock in the van, because it was 10 minutes slow and he hadn't been able to figure out how to change it.  So, we were 10 minutes late after sitting there waiting for 10 minutes because I thought we were early.  Grr.  More of that grace and mercy needed, and more of that pride to squelch.

Do I really have to tell the whole story when I get to my location?  Really?  And does that make me look I like I don't care about the people who were expecting me because I was late?  No.  No, no, no.  Do I think less of my friends if they arrive late?  No.  Do I think they don't care about promises made and then "broken"?  No.  It's all because of mercy and grace.  I know they are all moms trying their best.  And sometimes kids forget things.  And sometimes being on restricted diets makes packing a lunch a challenge.  And sometimes we stop for food on the way because Mother Hubbard's cupboard was bare.  So, next time I'm late, don't take it personally.  And next time you're late, I won't even think twice about it.  Because really, it's no.big.deal.

The other thing I learned this spring as I was researching homeschool options for high school, was that the biggest stress in my day comes from being on someone else's schedule or their list of expectations.  We were committed to a co-op where I felt an immense burden to show up on time, no matter what.  Doctors appt.'s, dentists, eye doctors, etc. all stress me out.  I wish every place was a walk-in.  I fret before the appt. that I'll forget about it and get charged anyhow because I forgot to show up or to cancel.  I fret because I'll likely be late (yep, even if I'm not apologizing endlessly, I'm still trying my best to be places on time).  I fret because my kids will probably get sick on the day of the appointment.  So, schooling on someone else's schedule stresses me beyond measure (sports do not stress me, because if kids miss a practice or game, it's still not a biggie).  This spring we were sick almost the whole month of March, and the stress of worrying about their needs as well as finding substitutes for my class was more than I prefer to opt into.  So, homeschool it will be.  On our own time, our own expectations, our own needs it will be.

Along those same lines, I don't do well with goals.  If I set a goal for myself, 99% of the time I will quit before I finish.  Why?  Because I don't thrive on the pressure of being locked into something.  I get angry, especially at myself.  And then I treat my family badly, because I feel pressured to reach the stupid goal and it makes me stressed and grouchy.  For example, if I set an exercise goal for myself, I will not succeed at it, plain and simple.  If I just plan to exercise a bit each day, and then try to push myself harder/longer each time I exercise, I will succeed.  That's just how my brain works.  I reassured my husband the other day that he never needs to worry about me training for a 5K.  It won't happen.  I might run a 5K for fun someday, but I won't sign up for one to motivate myself. 

Now excuse me, I'm off to be late for swimming some laps (I won't tell you how many!)  If I get there on time, then the locker room is full of kiddos just getting out of swimming lessons, so 5-10 minutes late is ideal for an empty locker room.  

Books I've been reading lately- April 2019

I started out the new year with a vow to take a break from "help" books. Whether physical, emotional, spiritual or whatever help they recommend, I needed a break for several reasons.  I turned to fiction and biographies instead for a while.  I typically have a hard time finding fiction that I actually enjoy, so I just went back to my old standby author who has written several books that I hadn't read yet and started there- Francine Rivers.  And they were all a win.

The first was-
Bridge to Haven


















Leota's Garden



















And the Shofar Blew



















Then for a bit of culture change- this book was a fun read of the idiosyncrasies of the 5 different Scandinavian countries. 
The Myth of the Almost Nearly Perfect People-
Behind the Myth of the Scandinavian Utopia



















And then I caved and ordered a book from the library I had seen recommended somewhere and had to read it...
Why Stomach Acid is Good for You

Stomach acid is the key to good digestion of our nutrients, so often this can be the root problem of many health issues, namely autoimmune disorders, allergies and sensitivities and overgrowth of pathogens (yeasts, parasites, pathogens).  (source)

I tried to read a biography by one of my other favorite authors Jon Krakauer, Where Men Win Glory- the Odyssey of Pat Tillman, but I just couldn't keep interested in it.  It's all army and football, so wasn't really my area of interest.  I do admire Pat Tillman's story, and how he sacrificed for our country, but just couldn't get through the book.

That's all for now...not sure what's next except a boatload of homeschooling high school books.

The Mercy Lamp

Long ago (probably 20 years) I received a lamp from my sister for my birthday.  It was beautiful and comforting and I loved having it in my possession.  Then I had children and that lamp was knocked off a dresser and broke.  I was saddened, but more concerned about the safety of my child in the incident.  Bye, bye lamp.  Oh, well.

Then maybe 2 years ago I saw another lamp the same as I had had at a garage sale.  I bought it and was happy once again.  Since I didn't need it in my own room, dear daughter has had it on her dresser since then.  

Life went on.  

Last week 2 of the boys were fighting over Lego creations, intact ones and broken ones due to each others carelessness.  I used the conflict for a lesson in mercy.  How we should offer mercy instead of revenge, as Jesus teaches and shows us by example.  The question was asked, "when we offer mercy, does that mean there isn't consequence for our actions?"  No, of course not.  Next question, "did you ever have something precious that got wrecked and you didn't get mad about it?"  The lamp was the example that came to mind so I shared it.  And how happy I was that I found another one.  How people are so much more valuable than things.  Any things.  We talked through the conflict, asked forgiveness and made things right.  And went to bed.

Just a couple of days later, dear daughter moved this same lamp to the living room to put on her desk to do some writing late at night.  Then the next night another brother moved it to another desk to use, and then another brother accidentally knocked it off and crash (!!) there the lamp went again.  I totally freaked out.  I yelled and accused the 3 kids of carelessness and neglect.  I was mad at myself for noticing the lamp was in a precarious spot but didn't summon anyone to put it away when I saw it.  I was more worried about a thing than my people.  I sure didn't offer mercy and forgiveness!  I had acted exactly as my boys did over the broken Legos.  Ouch!  After I was finished yelling, 2 of the kids had all the pieces picked up and were super gluing it back together.  I wanted to just throw the lamp away so I didn't need to be reminded of my immaturity and sinfulness, but also didn't want to deter the kids from their attempts at fixing the situation.

That evening when Greg saw the broken-but-fixed lamp, he wondered what had happened.  I told him the whole story, especially the part about wanting to throw it out instead of being reminded of my blatant sinfulness.  He said, "I think we should keep it.  And name it The Mercy Lamp."  Yep, he's right.  And so we did.

God still keeps teaching us lessons, hey?  How we can't just avoid sinfulness by our own self-will or good intentions.  How our own expectations of ourselves must die each day, and our pride gets smushed once again.  Such a humbling, good thing to crash back down and fall into the arms of Jesus, and Him alone.  Again and again.

That Pesky Pride

I've been challenged by pride a lot this past year.  I've been convicted of it myself again and again, as well as teaching my kids how to recognize it in their hearts and actions.  We all struggle with pride if we are on this Christian walk.  If we say that we don't, then maybe we either aren't human or are perfect like Christ or we're extremely ignorant of the sinfulness of our own hearts.

Pride is spoken of in two ways mainly in the Bible.  The bad pride which is the boasting (even if only in our head), looking down on others (because they think or act different from the way we think is right), thinking we are somehow better than others and the thoughts that go along with that (Psalms and Proverbs are full of references).  And the good kind which is the pride after a hard job well done (Ecc. 5:18-20).  As a friend mentioned, it would be good if these had different words for each, so they wouldn't be so confusing.  The Websters 1828 definition of pride is even more extensive, and has 9 different facets.

James 4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, 

God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

Recently Greg preached on how the law is needed to show us the gospel of Christ, and this is always good to remember as well.  If we only hear how wonderful we are (as many preachers these days tend to preach, as it's easier to like), and we don't hear the law as well, then we can tend to think that we aren't as bad  (or prideful) as we really are.  The law (10 commandments for starters) shows us how much we fail in terms of God's unreachable standards.  Thankfully as Lutherans, we have the Catechism that expands on these commandments even more for us, in case there was any doubt as to whether we can live up to the high standards that God has laid out for us.  Philippians 2 gives a glimpse into how we should think and act (like Christ).  I know I fall short of this every day in my attempts to be more Christlike.

Philippians 2:1-9 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,  Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.  Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:  Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:  But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:

In the Pineapple Story, Otto Koning tells how when we think we own our personal things/possessions, our time, our reputation;  these are forms of pride as well.  What do we think we "deserve"?  Who do we really love?  Ourself?  What measures do we take to protect these things?  What is the cost (to our health, our relationships with Christ and with others) of trying to preserve these things?  These talks really challenged our family on our pride, in such a good way.  As Christians all we really deserve is death and destruction.  We don't deserve happiness, outward peace, good health, lack of trials, or fulfilled hopes and dreams.  None of it is guaranteed that I can find in the Bible.  We are promised peace in our hearts and souls, and that God will be with us whatever we face, but our possessions, time and reputation all needs to be given over God if we want true happiness in our hearts.  Easier said than done, but aren't we all a work in progress?

"Husbands, when your marriage gets hard it doesn’t mean you and your wife are incompatible. It doesn’t mean that you married the wrong woman. It means you and your wife have some much needed dying to do. We have to remember, Jesus didn’t come to torment our flesh, He came to kill it. Every violent or aggressive argument in your marriage is nothing more than the death throes of your own selfishness, pride, and anger. My pastor once told me, “You can’t argue with a humble person.” What a powerful truth. In our first few years of marriage, Veronica and I fought with our claws out. We exchanged hurt for hurt. For one season in particular, our marriage caused us more harm than healing. Today, however, through the power of the Holy Spirit, that Dale and that Veronica are dead. While we have not fully perfected the art of oneness, we have learned that our marriage has a 100% chance of survival if we just do it God’s way and not our own." ~Dale Partridge

On a secular note, last night Greg asked me to come and listen to a song which he was listening to, and so I did.  It's called Husbands and Wives by Brooks and Dunn.   That reminded me of another song called Foolish Pride by Travis Tritt.  If even these country singers can hit the nail on the head of the  results of how so many of us struggle with pride, why is this so hard for us to see in ourselves and admit?  And if we do admit it, how come we all seem to struggle with the same things over and over again?  What are we really fearing if we are scared to give up our rights and with it our pride?  God does give us the power over all our pride, but the lessons don't come easy.  It means dying to self just as the missionary George Muller describes below~

To one who asked him the secret of his service, George Muller said: “There was a day when I died, utterly died;” and, as he spoke, he bent lower and lower until he almost touched the floor-“died to George Muller, his opinions, preferences, tastes, and will- died to the world, its approval or censure- died to the approval or blame even of my brethren and friends-and since then I have studied only to show myself approved unto God.” -British Weekly

These hymns have been helping encourage me on this pride squelching, humility increasing journey~ I Surrender All, Have Thine Own Way Lord, Take My Life and Let it Be, Where He Leads Me, and Cleanse Me.  May you be encouraged to daily kill that selfish pride, and follow Christ's example of humility, dying to self, ceasing of striving and strife, and seeking after humility and esteeming others better than ourselves in every way.  It's backwards of what the world would teach, but we aren't of this world, are we?!