Since this spring when I was thrown through the throes of some spiritual searching (always painful, but always a good thing!), I feel like God has just given me many resources to reaffirm the things He showed me then. Over and over I'm seeing these themes- (1) that we're only here for a short while and heaven is our home, (2) our material lives are but a vapor and it's our souls that matter, and (3) that often it takes hard times to see what's really important in our lives.
When I was telling Greg about one of the books I was reading, he said, "you sure like books that cut you down to nothing, don't you?!" Umm, yes...I guess I do. They burn away the dross so only the gold is left. A constant refining process. One of the things that has come to me while pondering some of these ideas, is that I know that it's through the hard times in my life that God has held me the closest and carried me through them. I can think of 4 different times in my life where I've been brought straight down to nothing, with nothing left to offer. I had to fully rely on God, and His grace was sufficient, even more than enough. It was a good place. But, we don't stay there. Grief heals, strength returns and life goes on in this world. But I want to keep that closeness to God. So, I am constantly searching for more refining, for Him to strip away my image, my pride, my accomplishments and whatever other things I may try to take credit for. It's all Him.
This book is called The Hardest Peace, expecting grace in the midst of life's hard by Kara Tippetts. Many of you may have followed Kara's blog before she passed away in March 2015 called Mundane Faithfulness. I followed her beautiful writing there, but had never read any of her books. This one was sitting on the shelf at the library the other day, so I nabbed it. (She has 2 more books too, that I'd now like to read).
Yep, it's the real deal. Even the first page she tells about the same things that a lot of us struggle with. How we want Jesus to take the credit for everything in our life, in yet we manufacture our own faith by our goings, doings, and own efforts and tallying. How we would like to think that it's our faith that leads our practices, yet often it's our own flesh and pride that does. If we were stripped of all our abilities (as she was with cancer), where would our faith lie then? Would our faith still be true? Or would we feel betrayed somehow? Have we ever come to the bottom of ourselves and found only grace? Or do we keep striving for something of ourselves to offer? Even the Prodigal's son story tells how "he came to himself" (Luke 15:17), that's when he received back the blessings of his father. When he came to the end of himself and could only rely on others. Isn't that where we all need to be? Want to be?
She goes on to tell how inside of each of us is a "cage of rats". Our weaknesses and shortcomings. How we all know these rats well, living inside of us all our lives. Our unkindness, our sin struggles, our personality quirks, and even the hardness of our hearts. How we try to hide them from ourselves and those we love, in fear that if they are exposed, our families and friends won't love us as much. Yet, Christ loves us rats and all. We trust Him, so why not trust our loved ones? God loves us, warts and everything, and the more we expose and work on the rats in our hearts/lives, the clearer we can see how Jesus loves us unconditionally. Will we always have these rats? Of course. But, we can always work through them, and expose our vulnerability to experience greater love. We all want to be forgiven for our sins and failures, so recognizing our own shortcomings helps us to forgive our loved ones of their shortcomings too. And true love is unconditional, rats and all. Learning to trust can be a long, slow painful process though. She tells how marriage often exposes how selfish our hearts really are. We can't hide nothin'!
She talks about how cancer brought her and her husband to a place where petty annoyances faded away and they just focused on loving each other well. How to turn irritations into places of learning to share love and kindness instead. Winning at marriage isn't being safe and happy together and fulfilling your dreams; instead it's withholding nothing in it, just as we withhold nothing from God and He from us.
Kara explains how marriage in this life is an illustration of our marriage to Jesus. It's a reminder, a shadow of heaven yet to come. It is based on love, on grace, and on the goodness of God. It is a place of freedom to experience God's goodness, forgiveness, mercy and grace, to give it and receive it. In yet it always is pointing us to heaven and that the best is yet to come. It's living in the now and in the future all at the same time.
Do we honestly believe we have some control over our life, or do we trust that God has all sovereignty and control and follow His leading? That's where grace comes in. When there are so many capable people in this world, there's not much need for God to be in control, is there? Your weakness can be the greatest story of your life. Our relinquishing of perceived control, will lead to the greatest understanding of grace we'll ever learn. Although no one ever wants to hear cancer or death, we can receive them joyfully when we understand that life has a greater purpose than our own. It's to glorify our Savior, who died willingly on the cross to save us from our sins. Wouldn't we want Him to get the glory? And not us? She talks about how cancer is actually a gift, which gives the beautiful gift of perspective. It's the gift no one wants, yet it's the one that strips away all the surface-y stuff that you may be focused on, and turns your eyes again and again towards heaven. It helps you appreciate each and every person in your life, instead of criticizing them and taking them for granted. It helps you overlook all their faults and failures and helps you appreciate every moment you have with them. How our own brokenness is our greatest gift in this world. Have the gifts we've been given become idols in any way? Are our children aware of our true hearts, or have we hidden it from them in fear of being exposed? Do we live life vulnerably and recklessly, inviting others into the true messiness of our hearts and lives, or do we keep a facade well hidden so no one sees our true selves?
Do we trust that God is always good? Even in heartbreak, in death, in fire, in storm? Do we trust that God is always refining us into the image of His Son? Are we willing to be broken, so that God may be glorified? To each of us, this happens in different ways. Can we see the goodness in the hard times? Can we believe, when things don't turn out the way we want or expect them to? Are we willing to let go of our expectations and "what should be" and be present in where we are? How do we let go of disappointments and devastation in our life and embrace what is? How do we recognize the beauty in what is, and not what might have been? How we believe grace and forgiveness so we can gain freedom from the endless expectations we have upon ourselves and others? Whew. Lots of hard questions she asks!
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| From Hinds Feet In High Places, which she quotes several times |
Some more hard ones- What masks have you worn that have been peeled off during hard times and suffering? Have you been tempted to put them back on? Has your family seen you real or do you continue to wear the masks? Have you been able to see your story in the light of a bigger and greater story of redemption? How did this impact your day to day? Do you trust God with your disappointments or grief with what "might have been"?
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| Hinds Feet In High Places |
Habakkuk 3:19(KJV) The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places.
She quotes Hinds Feet In High Places by Hannah Hurnard several times through the book. I'll be looking for this book next time at the library. So much good stuff in it too, it seems.
