Marriage thoughts

Lately I've been inundated with marriage advice.  Not through real friends or family; but through blogs, facebook posts and articles of people sharing their best advice.  Then at Goodwill today I noticed a whole big section of marriage self-help books.  That's 4 big shelves full of various people's opinions.  I do understand there are alot of people with poor marriages and broken marriages, and that this is a big deal.  But, while pondering this topic, it came to me the best advice is given from the Bible.  This is given for getting along with anyone.  I quote it to my kids many times each day (yes, each day!!)  But, it's the simplest, easiest way to get along with people.  And that is:

Luke 6:31  And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. 

The good old Golden Rule.  It's first mentioned in the Bible back in Leviticus 19:18 (Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.) and is just as useful today.

If every act we do, thought we think, word we say can be ran through the "would I like this done to me?" filter, how pleasant our world would be.  In my life I've had to deal with a good number of difficult people.  People whose opinions I didn't agree with, whose harsh words were very hurtful, and their behavior was embarrassingly awful.  Dealing with these people is difficult, but can be bearable and doable if we remember to treat them as we want to be treated, no matter what.  Forgiveness comes easier, and the hurdles much easier to deal with if we can try to see things in a Christ-like manner.

We also have many other places in the Bible that speak of how to treat our fellow man, (the fruits of the Spirit, how husbands and wives ought to treat each other, etc) but the Golden Rule gives us the easiest "formula" to get along with our spouse and children.

There are many causes to people's marriages failing.  Dave Ramsay says that the 4 areas that people fight about are money, children (how to raise them), in-laws and religion.   Often these subjects were never agreed upon (nor even talked about) before marriage though.  I would add that poor health (hormones, disease, depression, addictions) add to the stress that cause a normal relationship to be strained as well.  Pride and sinful baggage/lifestyle are another big factor.  All of these things are solvable problems, but must be addressed rather than ignored.  The hard part comes when people are either not willing to admit there is a problem, or else not open to solving the obvious problem.  In all of these, treating each other the way we want to be treated will bring blessing.  There is no place for selfishness in a relationship.  It only brings hurt, heartache and disappointment.

Anyhow, that's my two cents of marriage advice, for what it's worth! 

To Cook a Turkey

I'm notoriously awful at baking turkeys.  I feel that it should be a skill that every housewife should master, in yet have had trouble getting the skill perfected.  Perhaps it's because turkey baking only comes once each year so it takes alot of time to learn it.  Or perhaps it's because the bird is so huge that everything is increased from normal cooking experiences.

Anyhow, my biggest trouble has been time.  All the turkeys come with these handy little charts on the back that tell you how to bake them, but somehow that has never worked for me.  Maybe I'm just to paranoid to serve raw turkey to my guests, so ensure that every part is up to the recommended safe temperatures.  Whatever way it is, my turkeys never get done in the way (or time frame) I want them to.  Maybe my expectations are just too high (evenly cooked meat throughout with no overcooked or undercooked areas...is that too much to ask?) 

I've tried baking open in the roaster (as recommended on the package), wrapped in foil (as my mother-in-law and her mother do), on a V-rack in the roaster (to lift it higher for better airflow) but the legs just never get done and the breast meat dries out drastically.  I've had to have guests wait 2 hours for dinner too, as the bird didn't get done on time (and yes, my oven temperature was correct). I've tried flipping the bird over half way through baking so that everything gets baked more easily (challenging on the best of days!)   I also used to get the free turkeys offered at the grocery stores when you buy a certain amount of groceries, so I always chose the biggest one (that would be the most economical, right?)  But, a 24 lb. turkey is a monster to cook, compared to this 18 lb. one I did now.  The few extra pounds aren't worth the hassle anymore, in my opinion.  Cooks Illustrated magazine even had an article on this dilemma one time.  They concluded that the best way to cook everything evenly was to just cut the legs off and bake them separately.  Apparently I'm not the only one with this struggle!

Yesterday I attempted to bake a turkey again.  It turned out the best so far and here's what I did:

I followed several people's recommendations (who have successfully baked numerous turkeys).  My friend Janine does this:  1) Put in an oven bag  2) Low heat overnight 3) Put cut up apples and onions inside the cavity to keep moisture in 4) Bake it until the meat is falling off the bones.  Our friend Kristie (where we always go for Thanksgiving) always has fabulous turkeys.  She uses the oven bag too.  I recall my Grandpa Kurtti always saying to Grandma, "Mom, remember to heavily salt and pepper the cavity!" (and under the skin)

So, I sort of improvised those things and it worked well.  I put it in an oven bag, and baked it at 325*F for about 6 hours (18 lb. bird).  For the last 2 hours I turned the heat down to 250*F.  I also used Greg's remote BBQ thermometer so that I didn't have to take the turkey out of the oven at all until the coldest part was up to temperature.  Then I let it sit out of the oven for about 20 minutes (to let juices reabsorb back into bird) before I opened the bag and started cutting up the bird.  I didn't have guests or a time frame, so just let it bake until the thermometer beeped.  In other words, I didn't stress!  Delicious and easy!

Things I'd like to try in the future that have been suggested to me:

-Brining (I've heard really good things about this, but just haven't tried it yet)

-1 stick of butter spread under the breast skin to keep in moisture while the rest of the turkey is finishing cooking (adds good flavor too).

-Get myself a fancy apron and some red heels ('cause food always tastes better when you're dressed up right!)

Mother knows best!

There are times when Mother is always right.  I do admit my Mom has wisdom, but for some reason I fail to heed it much of the time.  Maybe the stuff that is unsolicited is most easy to ignore.  But, my Mom tells me stuff and it usually takes a couple years before the idea finally sinks into my head and I start thinking about it and usually eventually do what she advised.  And then wish I had listened a couple years ago.  Sigh.

One of the things I recall her recommending was to put all little 1 year old Lukey's valuable toys away before company came one time.  "The random kids will drag them everywhere and they'll be strewn all over your yard and get lost," she said.  I said, "Oh, I'm not worried about it."  Until some of his favorite toys got broken and lost.  Now we always put away new/valuable things before company comes.  Lesson learned!

The next thing (that I remember) her telling me was, "Rachel, you should get one of those mini-trampolines for the kids to jump on on rainy days."  ("Yeah, whatever, Mom!" I said to myself.)  She mentioned it a few more times over the next couple years, and I brushed her off again (politely, I hope!)  Then, I finally realized that we needed something in the house to get some exercise on rainy days and wondered what equipment would work best for us.  The only thing that kept coming back to me was a rebounder (mini-trampoline).  I finally started some research and pricing them out, and looking at garage sales, and borrowing a friend's to try and we finally got ourselves one.  Best. Investment. Ever. for exercise in the house.  I can and do use it.  The kids jump on it many times each day.  It has tons of health benefits.  It's fun.  It doesn't take up much room (compared to treadmills and such).  And it was reasonably priced.

After looking at a bunch of different brands, I finally bought the Urban Rebounder.  It was the highest rated "cheap" one.   I've tried the $400 ones, and they're nice but not worth that much, in my opinion.  The $30 ones work, but just don't have the bounce you want to enjoy using them (more work than enjoyment).  If you can find an expensive one at a garage sale, that'd be your best bet.  It also came with some videos that make for an enjoyable workout.  The only problem I've had with ours is that the springs started squeaking about 1 week after we got it.  That makes things kind of annoying.  There is supposed to be some sort of silicone lubricant I can put on the springs to solve the problem, but I can't seem to remember to ever look for nor buy it.   This brand also comes with a stabilizing bar which is helpful for just walking on when you're totally pregnant (or have a new baby that needs rocking to sleep, I just put them in the baby carrier and walk away!)

Here's a start on health benefits.  Probably the most important is improving the lymphatic (immune) system by improving it's flow.  We could all use to improve our immune systems, I'm sure! The Benefits of Rebounding.

And more:  The Surprising Health and Fitness Benefits of Rebounding

I've tried many sorts of exercise over the years, and can only admit to enjoying this for indoor activities.  Treadmills, stair-stepping machines, rowing machines, ellipticals, etc. are all too mundane to stick with for me.  Although I'm not entirely faithful with this, it's been my best option.  And the kids have fun with it every day too (which saves my own sanity).  I use free weights with it too, which mixes it up a bit.

As usual, Mother knew best!

When Mom was at our house when Isaac was born, I asked her (after she'd been working in my kitchen all week) if there was anything she could see that I could improve on.  She said, "You don't have big enough pots.  How can you cook double meals (to freeze) if your pots aren't big enough?"  Umm, yeah.  We do have 4 kids now!  So, I started looking around and have finally upgraded to a 6 qt. Dutch oven, a 11 qt. stock pot and have a newly acquired 7 qt. slow cooker.  What a difference!  I love it.  That was some advice I jumped on, because I knew she was right.

Home, Home Sweet Home

You'll have to excuse this if it gets too emotional and perhaps long-winded.  I seem to be a bit (well, alot) more emotional when pregnant.  But, lately I've been feeling quite homesick.  I'm not quite sure what that means exactly, but that's the best way I can think of to describe it.

Let me start back when my life started.  I was born in the Northwest Territories (up where the polar bears roam) where my parents lived at the time.  When I was 18 months, they moved back to my Dad's home area (central Alberta, Canada) and we then lived in a little house in the town of Leslieville (pop. 100+/-).  When I was 5 we moved to the farm where my parents still live.  We lived in a little 1 bedroom home (with 4 kids) for the first year or so, and then my Dad put an addition onto that little ramshackle house which my Mom had made into a cozy home.  This added 3 more (small) bedrooms and the former bedroom was turned into a living room.  I lived in this house until I was 12 when we moved into the basement of our new house, built on the same property.  By the time the main and upper floors of the new house were done, I had long left home.

After I left home at 17, I lived in many living circumstances over the next 10 years.  I lived in apartments, duplexes, 4-plexes, houses, as a boarder, and had ~20 roommates in that time.  I also had 18 different jobs in that same time frame as well as going to college.  (I loved to keep busy and try new things, can you tell?)  When we got married, I then moved to Arizona where we lived for 2 1/2 years before moving to Washington where we now live.  We've been in this house 7 1/2 years with no (or maybe just a few) plans to leave (not sure where we'd go though).

So, to say I'm homesick really doesn't say much.  I'm missing something badly, but I don't know what it is.  Home is relative.  It means something different to everyone.  My home isn't really there anymore, not in the way I remember it anyhow.  That's not what I'm missing.  My family is there, but life is so different now.  We are all busy in our lives, and the memories I have of family are also not there anymore.  I love my family, but it doesn't seem like that's what I'm missing either (besides, I can talk to them on the phone if I really want to).

Maybe I miss Canada.  I know I do, but is that enough to evoke these feelings?  What do I miss?  I'm not even sure.  Maybe just the familiarity.  Maybe the people.  Maybe the chocolate bars and foods I love.  It's been over 1 year since we've been up there, but somehow trips don't make up for being gone so long and so much.  They end up being a whirlwind of activity, of cramming too much driving, visiting, appeasing kids in strange environments, sleeping in strange houses into too short of a time period.  Doable but hardly enjoyable or restful at this stage of life.

When I've struggled with depression in the past, the one scene that replays over and over in my mind is this:  riding in the back seat (middle position) of our big, old Chrysler (I picture myself being about 8-10 years old) and just going wherever the family was going.  Just driving.  The wind was whipping my hair in my face (we had no A/C) and I had no cares or worries.  I think that's what I miss the most.  Being carefree and having no worries.

As a parent, your worries and cares never stop.  Who's that coughing in the night? (as I'm trying to drift off to sleep)  How am I going to appease this toddler when we're out of milk (and he's addicted to it) and we forgot to buy any?  What'll we eat for breakfast/lunch/dinner today?  Why does a pregnant woman always have to sleep on her left side?  Haven't women been pregnant since the beginning of time and only lately have we been told that we need to sleep on our left? (more puzzles as I'm trying to drift off to sleep)  Did I lock all the doors?  Pull the damper on the woodstove?  Check that all kids are covered up?  And on and on and on.

So then I wonder what I should do with all my memories and reminiscing.  If I dwell on "the way things were", I get depressed because we can never go back to the past.  We (thankfully) seem to only remember the good and forget the bad many times, so the past always seems rosier than it really was.  If I squelch them, they just keep resurfacing over and over, haunting me from many different angles.  If I pleasantly think them through and then refile them back in my brain, that seems to work best.  Kind of like looking at an old photo album and then closing it back up and putting it back on the shelf.  Some memories are good, some not-so-good, but all are present because they happened.  And who I am today, has alot to do with who I have been all my life, and the experiences that have shaped me into that person.  We each have the uniqueness of different experiences through life, that brings us to where we and who we are today.  What a blessing!

Anyhow, I'm kind of rambling, so will close now.  That's what's been on my mind the last few days.

PS.  Green Vibrance still working great.  Almost 2 weeks on it, and feeling more energetic, patient/better mood, better digestion and only 1-2 naps altogether (normally I have had to take one every day this pregnancy so far).

What do you do with your memories (the good and the bad)?  What does "home" mean to you?