Down the rabbit hole...hypervigilance...strep...OCD...and more

It's been a while since I have written anything but it's not for lack of anything going on.  Too much in fact.  Not action type things, just gentle shifts of healing one piece at a time.  Starting with our pnuemonia last spring and then subsequent antibiotics, by summer my digestion was a mess.  I went to the Naturopath, who found I was dealing with SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) from the antibiotics.  Well, I had been dealing with this already, the antibiotics just made it way worse.  It was basically a battle of good vs evil bacteria of which adding probiotics just adds more soldiers to the fight..bad idea. So, in my reading about SIBO, I found that strep in the gut is a common denominator. (Watch this video for more info)  As well as Epstein Barr virus activation too. (Watch this video here, he's kind of a quack but has the best info I've found on EBV).  So, I treated our whole family since I've probably passed this on to all our kids, and Greg had strep as a child as well so it was likely still lingering in our all our bodies wearing us down bit by bit.  This product was recommended by our Naturopath, just using the dosing on the bottle once a day for a month.  You can get it in tincture or capsules.  When I went back the testing showed negative for both.

But, how do you clean up the mess of both viruses, wreaking havoc for decades?  And the bacteria overgrowth?  They go in and out of dormancy depending on stress, immune levels and many other factors.  Do we really want them gone, or do we just want it so that the body isn't reacting to them anymore?  So that they become innert instead.  We can't get rid of every virus out there, so changing the terrain and helping the body not react to them is the next best option.  (Reread my post on vibration/vital force from recently).

The first thing I'm doing for that is to up our intake of minerals.  Stress depletes them, grief depletes them, illness depletes them, pregnancy depletes them (4lbs per baby!), poor digestion depletes them, and we all know our soils are low to begin with.  These are super easy to replace, but they do take time.  Don't expect to notice anything...for months.  Here's a few ideas for easy mineral additions.  These all promote conductivity which is what our bodies need to function.  Just like a battery, it's either losing charge or recharging all the time.  These recharge us.

Cell salts are the easiest and you can't even taste a thing.  They work at an energetic level not a supplement/physical level healing your body.

Jacksons's cell salts is 500 tablets for $20.  Add a couple pellets to your water each morning and sip all day.   Bioplasma, Schlusser's, Bestmade are all great too, just get the 12 in 1 mixture of all of the minerals.

ConcenTrace drops for your water bottle.

Irish sea moss, nettles, oatstraw, alfalfa, kelp and other seaweed are all great too, in tincture or tea/infusion form.

The next thing was to tackle the EBV, which I did with just juicing celery juice every day for a month.  This sounds exhausting but my body was actually craving it.  I did buy the capsules for the weekends and when I didn't feel like juicing.  I actually just blended a bunch per day in my Vitamix and then let it drip through a seive.  At less than a $1/bunch it was a cheap thing that was doable (just throw the blender in the dishwasher).  He recommends taking it first thing in the morning and then waiting a bit for your coffee/breakfast so it can work alone.  Mixing it with other juices is not recommended either.

The last thing has been tackling the strep which I'm using homeopathy for.  There's a strong connection with the strep virus and OCD, which my family has lots of traits.  Worrying about sin/what is right, handwashing, bad at math (yup!), germ phobias, food phobias (yup!) and many more.  I've been giving all of us streptococcinum every week or two, and noticing subtle shifts.  What we thought were personality quirks were actually virus invaders.  This is really cool!  I follow Dr Andreas Tilch's recommendations although I'm anxiously waiting for his book to come out in English as it's only in German at this point.  Here's his website if you want a preview of what I'm dying to learn more about.

"STREPTOCOCCINUM can help – according to the experience of many patients   – so that serenity emerges from worries, courage from fear, clarity from being torn between, cautiousness from exuberance, calmness from stress, strength from weakness, touchability from defensive armour, connectedness from loneliness, fulfilment from frustration, networking awareness from friend-foe thinking, compassion out of guilt,  from for lack of appreciation emerges gift-giving, stability from instability, flexibility from rigidity, from illness emerges bonding, from existential fear basic trust and joy of the adventure “Earth”. "

Scrupulosity OCD is also a part of this. If you haven't heard of it, here you go! Rooted in strep!

So after tackling these, I still needed to tackle the SIBO, (I'm still doing the strep remedy too, as it's still working and needed as per muscle testing).  I was meeting a friend for coffee and was a few minutes early so stepped inside the business next door to the coffee shop to check out what they had to offer.  I had been praying for a doable solution to this without a million dollars or a million vitamins or a million labs or a million of anything.  This business is a wellness clinic and they set me up with one tincture for the bacteria/virus/fungus that was left, and one binder to excrete it from my body.  I could do that, and it worked.  I also implemented a low FODMAP diet which wasn't hard because I basically just didn't eat apples and ate oranges and bananas instead.  This helped immensely.  I did that for 2 months and then had a bioresonance scan to see where things were and what we needed to work on next, which turns out to be getting my body out of fight/flight/flee/fawn and restoring my organ functions (liver, spleen and pancreas for starters).  The lady uses frequency drops (which have minerals to improve conduction, just like a battery), so I just drop a few into a glass of water once a day.  Easy, peasy.  No weird/restricted diets, no pills, no extensive exercise, therapists, etc.  She also said that those are the two keys to weight loss, and that it usually takes 6 months of restoring the body's function before the body will start to shed some weight.  Most of us women are in survival mode, and our organs aren't working as well as they should as a result of that.  I'm now 2 months in and the shifts are subtle but pretty cool.  

I'm also doing The Emotion Code book of releasing trapped emotions in the body.  We all have lots of them blocking our health.  Every time we have an emotion that we didn't know what to do with, or have support for becomes blocked in our bodies limiting the flow of blood or energy.  (This is what trauma is, our nervous system gets overloaded with a situation; without love, comfort or support during or after it). This system teaches you to muscle test at home, and then how to release them with no counseling, no talking about it or not even leaving your home.  You don't even have to buy anything if you can get the book from the library as I did.  Another one I keep renewing.   The Body Code and Heart Code tell you how to expand to further heal once you get started and work on your physical body as well as walls we may have put up around our hearts when we were hurt or grieved (anything that blocks love in our hearts and doesn't let it out).  The methods are all the same, we just focus on different areas of the body.

So, that's where it's at for now.  Subtle, gentle but oh so cool!!  

Below are some signs of strep in the body.   These are from Angelica Lemke's book Healing Complex Children with Homeopathy which I check out from the library every 1.2 months and then have to get back and then check out again because it's such a great book.  She really gets back to teaching us moms to trust our mom intuition instead of relying on experts to tell us what to do.  Sometimes we need that, but often we need what we know we need.

Here's some more if you think those aren't enough!!

The last thing was to help the gut keep good bacteria where it should be and the bad where it should be.  Our small intestine should have different organisms from the large, and keeping these separate can be a challenge.  Dr Nemechek comes in here with a simple protocol to do just that, so I've been adding this in as well.  He focuses on healing autism, which he feels is rooted in SIBO as well.  Either from low stomach acid or the ileocecal valve (between the 2 intestines) not staying closed properly due to stress mainly.  You can find YouTube videos on how to massage it to close it back up as well.  He uses simple EVOO (extra virgin olive oil), fish oil (high DHA), and inulin (prebiotic fiber).  That's all.  I'm just doing those three things.  You can get his ebook for free on his FB page that explains everything.  He has a ton of videos that explain things too.

 

Lastly, I'm using Bach Flower remedies to balance our emotional worlds.  I'll do a whole new post on these because it's extensive, but Rescue Remedy is the first one you can check out to start with. More to come! 🌷🌺🌸🪷

Things I'm learning these days~

     These last 6 months have been spent teaching my first teenager how to drive.  I'd say it's shown more of my desire for control in my children than any other aspect thus far.  The stakes are so much higher!  While sitting in the passenger seat though, I've had lots of time to contemplate things, and although I haven't come up with any brainwaves yet, I thought I'd share what I've noticed.

1)  Sitting quietly in the passenger seat (without either being a "backseat driver" or "caution queen") is harder than I thought it would be.  If I pointed out every single potential danger, this would lead to discouragement in my teen rather quickly.  I have to just shut my mouth and pray and only add comments when absolutely necessary.  I've also learned that there is a big difference between potential threats and actual threats.  Navigating how to teach about both is all in the tone and the timing.

2)  Teens do best with a 10:1 ratio (or even more!) of compliments/good job/reassurance to keep their motivation up and their discouragement/fear down.  But when I think of myself, I do best with the same.  And don't we all?  Criticism should be always kept to a minimum.  None of us do better due to criticism, as mostly it just leads to despair. 

3)  Prayer is more important than worry.  This should be a given, but it isn't.  My default is more to go to worry first and then prayer.  God's sovereignty over our lives is not determined by my level of worry or fear, and just because I'm scared doesn't mean He's not in control of the situation.  I know this in my head and heart, but I often forget it.  Every day I forget it.  Me adding in peanut gallery comments to be more careful will not result in more care being added, when maximum care is already being applied.  I just need to shut my mouth and pray.

4)  Teens may have less discretion due to less experience, but they also have much quicker reaction time than I've given them (him!) credit for.  I assume he's like me when he's driving, but I've failed to give him credit for times when his quick thinking and quick acting has actually led to better results than it would have if I had been driving.  This is the encouraging part!

    The next thing about raising teens that I'm learning, is that mercy is taught in new ways.  Kind of new, because you offer toddlers the same kind of mercy but then the expectations go up again during the mid-kid years (6-12ish).  But when they become teens, that increased mercy card gets pulled out again.  Between their growing, their sleeping, their picky eating, their bossing, their independence-but-not-independent, their hormones, their moods....the list goes on.  Grace is giving a gift when there is no need for it, blessing others in ways they don't deserve but for no specific reasons.  For example, a teen is often tired.  If I do their work for them and let them sleep in, that's grace.  It also means I don't require them to pay me back in some fashion.  That's grace.  Mercy is when the same thing happens but there's some offense tucked in there somewhere.  They hurt a sibling, they may have run off at the mouth in an unhealthy manner, they offended someone (or they were offended themselves somehow).  As a mom of teens, you realize the outstanding parameters, and you make decisions accordingly.  Did they eat lunch?  Did they have a sleepless night?  Is their heart heavy from some emotional distress?  And then we offer mercy in the gap and nourish the need instead of the  usual required obedience or expectation.

The example of this popped up last week glaringly.  One child had been nasty all morning (I had intervened in 4 fights already, of which this child was the common denominator), and then a friend called to see if this same child could come and spend the day.  On one hand I thought, "well, they sure don't deserve that!" On the other hand I thought, "well, it'll be good to get rid of this child for a few hours so we can all get a break!"  Neither of those responses were what I went on though.  I told this child that they could go, and enjoy themself.  On the drive over, the child even said to me, "I don't deserve to go spend the day with my friend, as I've been mean and nasty all morning!"  I replied, "yes, you have, but you are going to go enjoy a break from all of us for the rest of the day."  And we all did the chores for this specific child while they were gone.  That's mercy.  The gift was given with no outside expectations nor retribution.  This happens often with teens and is where they truly learn about grace and mercy on a personal level.  This child's comment told me they got it without me even having to explain anything.

The next few things just come from things I've been reading or learning about in books or podcasts.  Just tidbits that help me put names to things and figure out puzzle pieces that might be missing elsewhere.  As always, I put my Christian perspective on secular teachings and see how they either overlap or are different.  Sometimes there's relevance, and sometimes there isn't.

Yesterday I was painting my long overdue (15 years) living room, and my kids were all out in the shop having a Nerf war, so I turned on a podcast of Mikhaila Peterson and Guy Winch on relationships.  I tend to like her podcasts as she asks a lot of good questions and there's no chitchat, all business.  Anyhow, I know nothing about this guy except that he's a family/marriage therapist, and has some books and TED talks out on the subject.  In the length of the listening, he mentioned that he and his cohorts can determine the success of a marriage to 90% accuracy all by watching a 5 minute video clip of the couple fighting/arguing.  The traits of success include 

• treating each other with respect (listening until the other person is completely finished talking)
• not getting defensive 
• listening to hear (not just to respond with our rebuttal) 
• listening without eliciting an emotional response

Anyhow, thought that was interesting.

The next thing is about trust.  Have you ever wondered why you do or don't trust someone?  Or why it takes a while to trust certain people?  Or for them to trust you?  Or you trust them in some areas but not others?  Brene Brown has studied into it and has come up with these criteria for trust.  She clarifies that it's unrealistic to expect everyone to meet these criteria (and that we certainly can't meet all these criteria for others!), and that if you have 1-2 friends who meet this criteria then you are extremely blessed.  But, it helps see why some people have never made it into the "trust" category although you may have known them for many years.  Her acronym is called BRAVING.

Boundaries

Trust thrives within boundaries that are clear and consistent. Each party knows where they stand,

“I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you are clear about my boundaries and you respect them. There is no trust without boundaries.”

Reliability

Researchers are always looking for things that are valid and reliable. A set of scales provides a valid measurement.

A reliable scale is one where if you got on it 100 times, it will return the same result every time.

You cannot gain someone’s trust if you are reliable only once, because that’s not the definition of reliability.

In our working lives, we have to be clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we don’t deliver on our commitments.

In our personal life, same thing. You can’t overpromise and underdeliver.

“I can only trust you if you do what you say you are going to do. And not once, but over and over again.”

Accountability

Own your mistakes and allowing for the transgressions of others,

“I can only trust you if, when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologise for it and make amends. I can only trust you if, when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologise for it and make amends. No accountability, no trust”.

Vault

Research shows that when someone gossips with you about a third party, your trust in the gossiper is completely diminished.

Many times we share things that are not ours to share as a way to hotwire connection with a friend.

If you have a friend like that, your closeness is built on trash talking others. Brown refers to this as ‘common enemy intimacy’, which isn’t a real connection.

The vault means you respect my story, but you respect other peoples story.

“What I share with you, you will hold in confidence. What you share with me I will hold in confidence.”

Integrity

Brown came up with her own definition of integrity, with three core components:

• Choosing courage over comfort
• Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy
• Practising your values, not just professing your values

“I cannot be in a trusting relationship with you unless you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.”

Non-judgement

Brown says it’s vital to be able struggle, fall apart and ask for help without being judged by another and vice versa.

This is hard, she says, because we’re better at helping than asking for help.

If you can’t ask for help and those around you can’t reciprocate it, that is not a trusting relationship.

When we assign value to needing or giving help, there’s an issue,

“Real trust doesn’t exist unless help is reciprocal and non-judgmental.”

Generosity 

According to Brown, it’s essential to be compassionate and make a generous assumption if someone inadvertently betrays your trust.

In this way, it’s better to address the situation early, rather than bottling it up and saving it as blackmail for a later date,

“Our relationship is only trusting if you can assume the most generous thing about my words intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.”

source

    The last thing is a tidbit by Dr. Zach Bush on why covid is such a crisis right now, and why chronic health is so low these days too.  The key word is glyphosate (Roundup).  He explained in the video I watched how Roundup blocks the Shikamate Pathway which prevents 3 essential amino acids (tryptophan and a few others) from being absorbed into our bodies.  Without these essential amino acids (these are ones we need to eat, not ones our bodies can produce themselves); chronic disease is on it's way.  We've been spraying Roundup on (or genetically modifying) crops for 30 years now, and chronic disease is epidemic in the last 30 years as well.  From these lacks in adults (200+ functions in the body) we get diabetes, obesity, anxiety, sleeplessness, dementia and other memory related issues; and in babies/kids we get chronic birth diseases (genetic expression included) of all sorts- starting with the A's- asthma, allergies, ADHD, autism, etc. and on we go.  So, avoiding GMO foods and rebuilding the gut are the easiest things we can do from home to fix our guts and our health.  Restaurant/convenience foods are notoriously not concerned with this health information, so sourcing our food locally and organically is hard work but worth it for the health of our families.  

    This is our current DDT experience that was dealt with in the 1900s and up until it was banned.  "Oh, of course it's safe!" until "Oh, oops no it isn't!"

That's all for today!

This whole purity thing

As our oldest is now a teenager, I've been pondering how to teach him about God's plan for attraction and marriage.  How to teach discernment in this area for a one-day healthy marriage, preferably without guilt or regret or a bad marriage partner for any of our children. 

When I look back on my own life, I can't really remember what my parents taught us, but I feel like it served us well.  I don't remember my mom telling us anything specific (although she did talk to us openly about it all through the years), but I do remember my dad telling me how my value was in Christ and to always keep that at the forefront.  Not any "rules", just grace and lots of discussion.

As usual, I perused our library for books about the subject, and came across two that address the issue from different angles.  I know there is far more information out there, but after reading an article online about the damages of the "Purity Culture", it got me to wondering about what it actually teaches.  I read "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" back in the day.  But I don't feel it influenced me in the way it might have if I had been younger (a teen).  I was 22 when it came out, and I don't recall whether I read it then or a few years later.  What it did do was give me the confidence to remain happily single either for life or until I met someone suitable for marriage (that actually might want to marry me).  I didn't feel so pressured to be married, although there was a whole 'nother culture telling me I needed to be married and having multiple babies or I wasn't being a good enough Christian.  Darned if I did, darned if I didn't.  But, God gave me peace during those years.  Steeped in either culture wasn't where He wanted me.  He wanted me faithful in what He put in front of me each day.  (Psalm 16:5 The Lord is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot.)  My job, my family, my roommates.  Learning lots grace and mercy, more and more each day.  I tell people now that the best thing for my marriage was dealing with all the various (18) roommates and various (18) jobs I had before I was married.  Lots of dying to self, forgiving and being flexible needed during those years.  I can't even count the amount of co-workers, patients and clients/customers I dealt with either.  And trust me, none of my ER patients were happy to be in my care.  They were mostly very fearful, in severe pain, or sick and weak or lonely too.  Dealing with them took lots of grace and mercy!

The problem with any books or rules, is that we can substitute them for Biblical discernment, which is really what we need to teach our children.  When we know our value in Christ, and we treat others with that same respect, we don't really need all these rules.   Rules are made out of fear.  Guidelines are typically made out of personal experience (for good and for bad).  

The first book was called "The Scarlet Virgins" (when sex replaces salvation).  This was written by a woman who was taught the purity culture, and now recognizes the flaws in the teachings although the inherent motive was good initially.  The intent was to keep their children "pure" until marriage, but true purity comes from Christ shedding His blood for us, not from keeping a list of rules.  The purity culture damages both men's and women's self-image, because it focuses on do's and don'ts rather than on focusing on Christ's redeeming work in our hearts.  If we follow a set of rules, then why do we even need the Holy Spirit?  The purity culture would tell people that God's forgiveness isn't enough for sexual sin, just the other sins.  Sexual sin will ruin your life.  Avoiding it premaritally will guarantee a successful marriage.  Both lies based on fear.  The words "tainted goods" or "used up" are commonly used to describe "going too far" (physically).  In this book she talks of how Christian women are supposed to go from "virgin to vixen" overnight (the wedding night, of course).  The purity culture teaches this in a disturbed way that makes people feel like once they aren't virgins anymore, then their value is diminished, even though God ordained marriage and all that goes along with it.  She also talks about how in this culture, people often feel obligated to marry the first person they date/court, or else they are won't be pure (even in thought, not necessarily even in deed) for their spouse.

"And yet at its core, purity culture presumes that giving and receiving love breaks you instead of builds you.  It uses fear to mask our bodies and needs, and there are generations of women and men walking around crippled in America because of it."
(I Kissed Dating Goodbye and I still have a stain on my heart)

"This culture tells women that their bodies aren't really theirs; bodies are only bargaining chips, which can be devalued like a new car driven off the lot.  Women aren't inherently valuable, the thinking goes, except so long as we have untouched vaginas to give our husbands (because our partners are always husbands).  Virginity trumps intelligence, humor and compassion.  The notion that both partners might benefit from having dated around, experimented, and figured out what they enjoy and want from a healthy relationship?  It doesn't even register."
(Purity Culture shames survivors of sexual assault)

"I wonder if this purity culture has taken over because most of us are scared to contradict it.  It's the purity movement that we see on shows like The Duggars and so much Christian media.  And if we dare to say, "I don't mind if my adult kids hang out at each other's homes unchaperoned" or "I kissed my husband before our wedding and I'm glad I did!" or "I don't think wearing fashionable jeans is a sin!", we feel like we're somehow LESS Christian, because those with firmer rules always look more Christian."
(10 Things That Scare Me About the Purity Culture)

Now to the other side of things~

The damages of sexual sin and the bombardment of the whole worldly culture of Hollywood and the media on a single Christian woman (or man).  This is what the purity culture is trying to avoid, but the pendulum has swung too far the other way in many cases.  This book is called "Sex and the Single Christian Girl".  She talks about how Christ redeems that which is broken, and makes all things beautiful in His time when we follow His will.  

This summary on Amazon is pretty accurate.

"     "True love waits"--but what exactly are you waiting for? After all, we're constantly bombarded with Hollywood's idea of romance--that sex is no big deal, that everyone is doing it, that it's the only path to a happy ending. Maybe you've even begun to wonder, What am I missing? Is the wait really worth it? 

        Marian Jordan Ellis has been there. She knows the pitfalls of giving in to temptation--but also the blessings of God's best found in waiting after she committed herself to Christ and to sexual purity. Now, from one Christian woman to another, she hopes to spare you from the heartache of sexual sin and instead point you toward God's best. Marian offers lots of practical advice, backed by biblical truth, to equip you with the tools to overcome past mistakes and future temptations.

     You are cherished. Whether you are happily single, casually dating, or have found "the one," your purity is worth fighting for.

     "Marian Jordan Ellis befriends all women in their quest to honor God with their bodies, calling them to settle for no less than being cherished, rousing them to live a courageous lifestyle, and pointing them to dependence on the Holy Spirit instead of reliance on self."--Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage and The Sacred Search"

She talks about how purity is a state of heart, not a state of virginity or not.  How instead of focusing on keeping ourselves "pure" for our future husbands, we should be keeping them pure to offer our bodies (and minds and hearts) to Christ to bring glory to His name (not our own pride or perfectness).

Philippians 3:7-12(KJV)

7 But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.

8 Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

9 And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

11 If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead.

12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

She talks also about having many rules of "purity".  Yet rules without vision can often be broken or bent (or if kept, lead to human pride, which is just as sinful and damaging).  A vision asks "why".  A vision carries us much farther and with much less damage than rules do.  It puts grace and mercy into the mix, and allows Christ to work in our hearts, not just self will.

She calls the world we live in a "rom-com" world.  (rom-com=romantic comedies)  One in which the ideal man is portrayed in romantic comedies (and I'll add most romance Christian novels).  He's the man who is sensitive, verbose, and of course drop-dead gorgeous. He does all the right things, and never has to ask his lady what she wants, because he just knows.  He has lots of money and material goods, but rarely has to work (or if he does, he still has the time to bring roses, pack a picnic, cook dinner and all those other romantic things).  Watching these movies (on girls night of course!) or reading these books may escape us from our daily life for hours at a time, and only leads us to disappointment in our real life because none of the men in our life (single or dating or married) can live up to these fantasies.  We begin to look down on the real honest-to-goodness men in our lives, hoping for this fantasy to become reality.  Unfortunately, real life is full of sinners.  You and me.  Relationships are hard.  Communication is hard.  Being real with our loved ones is hard, not easy (as is portrayed in books and movies).  It's being vulnerable.  It's acknowledging and telling your sins and struggles and weaknesses to your loved ones.  And it's messy.  Real, real messy.  And then it's glorious. 

(If you want to read more on Marian's blog it is called Redeemed Girl Ministries)

My friend Jess Connell says in her blog "Christian Wife, Let Your Husbands Be" in terms of unrealistic expectations of our men~

I’m talking about wives with normal human husbands who sometimes sin, sometimes hurt their feelings, sometimes do things they don’t like, are sometimes a little too passive or a little too gruff, and are sometimes disagreeable or frustrating.

Sometimes I want to take young and old wives alike, grab em by the neck and say,

“Discontented woman, stop griping. Stop attacking him and tearing him down! Stop correcting him in front of other people. Stop telling everyone all his faults. He’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders each day. Celebrate him!

BE THANKFUL FOR THE MAN YOU HAVE.”

Because many women who gripe the loudest actually have this sort of husband:

• He is faithful.
• He is hard-working.
• He serves, in his own way.
• He smiles at you when you smile at him.
• He carries the weight of your family on his shoulders.
• He wakes up each morning and goes to work.

He IS NOT PERFECT… no man is… but by golly, what does it say about us when we can’t we be thankful for what we have?

Either extreme of teaching leads to heartache and disappointment, hey?!  The only answer is to search the Bible ourselves instead of listening to various interpretations of doctrine, listen to the Holy Spirit and trust your own and your child's discernment.  Repent of sinfulness or pride (flip sides of the same coin)  And just trust...that's a hard thing too isn't it?!

Updates and book review

Well, it's been far too long since I've written, and perhaps I shouldn't even be writing today, but somehow it feels like I should too.  The past 18 months (since Levi was born) have been a flurry of brain fog, tiredness and always feeling 2-3 steps behind.  I honestly haven't had the brain power to write, much as my desires might have been to write and clear my muddled head.  I guess 6 kids will do that to a mama.  I've been working on improving all of our health, since that always plummets due to the lack of sleep and quick, easy meals that often aren't as nutritious as they should be (more mommy guilt).  Yep, that's the way it is.  So, here's the books I've been reading lately.  All gems, no duds this time.  That makes me happy!

This is the most recent one I've read.  It was gifted to me, and was so uplifting and encouraging on our Christian walk.   Just what I needed!   I think in this past year I've been most thankful for God's grace, and this book encourages us to take advantage of His grace again and again.  No matter how we feel weak, stumble, have regrets and failures, or dreams fallen by the wayside; His grace is new each day.  His love never fails, even when we feel like we do.  Especially when we do.  Excellent book with lovely artwork.

https://gracelaced.com/ 

This next book was a real eye-opener for me.  I'm one of the millions whose bought into the lie that we need more calcium (mainly from advertising).  This is a doctor from Alaska who wanted better outcomes for his patients (Ob/Gyn- less preterm births, less birth defects, less infant death and failure to thrive).  He found out that the majority of the nation has too much calcium, and not enough of all the other minerals we need.  We could solve a lot of health problems by increasing our trace minerals and decreasing our calcium.  Less cavities, anyone? (yep, too much calcium, too little of the other minerals that make teeth strong).  Regretfully my children have taken on my lack of minerals with their health challenges too.  The baby has the exact mineral status footprint as the mother, he also found out.  His easiest remedy is to start using mineral filled salt (Real Salt) instead of ordinary table salt, in liberal amounts.  None of this reduced salt stuff, as he explains in the book.

"If you believe that bones are made of calcium, you have subscribed to The Calcium Lie. You’re not alone. Most consumers and, surprisingly, most doctors, believe that bones are made of calcium. Yet any basic biochemistry textbook will tell you the truth: Bones are made of at least a dozen minerals and we need all of them in perfect proportions in order to have healthy bones and healthy bodies. If you get too much calcium, through food sources or by taking supplements, you set yourself up for an array of negative health consequences, including obesity, Type 2 diabetes, Type 2 hypothyroidism, hypertension, depression, problem pregnancies and more. " -from the Amazon review of the book

http://www.calciumlie.com/

The next two books I read at the recommendation of a friend.  She took a writer's conference this past summer, and this author  was the keynote speaker.  She was raised Muslim in Iran, and became a Christian and now writes Christian fiction.  I don't usually read fiction, and especially not Biblical stuff  (comparing it to the Biblical accounts often comes up short), but I decided to try these.  Excellent books.  Her word usage, metaphors, and everything else makes her an excellent author.  Bread of Angels is the story of Lydia, and In the Fields Of Grace is the story of Ruth.  She does an awesome job of adding to the real account in a way that doesn't detract from the real thing.

https://tessaafshar.com/

The next two books are written by a Psychologist and Family Physician, and are the results of 20+ years in practice.  He talks about the epidemics facing our boys and girls today, and offers practical solutions on what to do with them.  I have to say that many of them don't affect homeschooled kids, but it's good to be aware of them, and make changes if we see warning signs. 

For boys, the risks are: changes at school (more books too early, less activity), video games, stimulant medications for ADHD, endocrine disruptorsand the end result is: Failure to Launch.  The fifth is: the revenge of the forsaken gods (forsaking rites and rituals to manhood which boys strive for)

 For girls they are:  four factors that are threatening the mental and physical health of young women today: a culture that sexualizes young girls; the “cyberbubble” of social networking and electronic communication; obsessive behaviors, including eating disorders; and environmental toxins that disrupt the endocrine system and lead to early-onset puberty

Thankfully he offers many solutions if your child is facing any of these challenges.  It doesn't have to be a downhill slope.  He also wrote a book called Why Gender Matters and The Collapse of Parenting that I am waiting to read as well.  Good stuff.

Depression (in one big, huge nutshell)

When I thought about writing about all I've learned about depression, I thought it would be easy.  Tell my story and leave a few resources.  But as I started to write, it got longer and longer as there are so many other aspects to the causes, so many types of treatments and so many other variables, that then the subject became very daunting.  Greg and I have both suffered with it, but our paths of healing were different because our causes were different, and leave lots of links so you can look into each thing more yourself, since your story is going to be very different from mine (or my husbands).  If you just don't want the story and just the resources, skip down to the end.  Any links for more information are in turquoise so you can just click on them.

All through my 20s, I felt great.  I always had lots of energy, exercised frequently, was easily motivated and almost always in a good mood.   The only thing that was a negative was that I needed a lot of sleep each night, more than everyone else.  Even after we got married and throughout my first pregnancy, I still worked full-time 12 hour days as an ER tech and did fine.  I did start having chronic neck pain during this time which was unresolved through chiropractors (plural), massage, and all kinds of other treatments.  By this time we had moved to WA where I tried another couple of chiropractors, to no avail.  I remember just going in to the one of them crying and telling him that I couldn't even hold my baby because my neck hurt so bad.  He had me taking some herbal muscle relaxants (which took the edge off) and said, "well, at least you're taking these and not wrecking your liver with Tylenol.  Look on the bright side."  Ugh!

Soon I became pregnant with James and we went through 5 different mattresses during that pregnancy trying different things to get me comfortable enough to be able to sleep at night (even just a little).  I also found out about our now-chiropractors Dr. Darin and Dr. Anik when I was 7 months pregnant who were able to give me the best relief I'd found so far.   But still, my neck always hurt and I spent most of my time with new baby James in the LaZBoy because I hurt so bad to hold him without support.  He was a very fussy baby with a body full of eczema, so needed a lot of holding.

When he was 18 months old, we were up in Canada and my Mom suggested that I take James to the Master Herbalist that she and my Dad go to and see if we could find some answers for his health (he was still very fussy, very itchy and struggling).  We went to see her and then I decided at the last minute to see her myself to see if there was something missing in my diet/nutrition that was causing his health issues (so that if we had more children, we could prevent all this chaos).  She uses a technique called Live Blood Analysis which basically is just taking a drop of blood and looking at it under the microscope and is able to tell an insane amount of things about your health. She found out that James was not digesting his proteins and carbs, and that I had parasites very badly.  She said they were definitely from living on the farm and that I'd had them for at least 20 years .  She then said, "you must eat pretty healthy, because with these as bad as they are, you shouldn't even be able to get out of bed each day".  She also was able to pinpoint my neck pain and said that after a parasite cleanse, my neck pain would clear up in 6 weeks (the length of time it takes the body to get rid of them after a cleanse).  She said that the parasites settle in your weakest area and when flushed out, the pain will go away.  And it did.  In 6 weeks, just like she said.  I was frazzled and tired at this point (mostly due to James' sleeplessness) but still in good spirits.  No depression yet.

I was then optimistic that we were on the healing journey.  The Herbalist had gotten James feeling better (her treatment plan for him worked as well (digestive enzymes and probiotics 3x day) to give his liver a chance to heal and get back on track.  I was expecting Elise by now and felt pretty good throughout her pregnancy.  My neck pain was gone and I could sleep again.  But then when she was born, she cried and cried and cried.  She didn't sleep worth a hoot (I often would spend 8 hours of my day getting her to sleep- she'd sleep for 5-10 minutes, wake up and cry until I got her to sleep again and again). Nights weren't any better.  I tended to hers (and the other kids) needs, but my mental state was pretty poor.  As time went by, the lack of sleep from 2 fussy kids drug me down.  I had no idea where to turn, didn't have the energy to try anything new and plunged downward mentally.  The vast amount of crying she did frazzled my nerves even further.  By the time she was 18 months old, she was still not sleeping much in the day nor at night and I was pretty low.  Greg was in no better shape due to his stressful job and having to get to bed so early for it that we both were just kind of in a stupor most of the time.  I'd been depressed for at least a year by now.

We had been praying about what to do with her, with us, and with our health when I remembered about Sonja (the vitamin lady) out in Clatskanie.  I made an appointment to see her and Greg came along.  She does muscle testing (applied kinesiology) and I tested low in my thyroid, my adrenals and essential fatty acids.  She gave (sold!) me some vitamins and in 4 days I was back to my old self again.  I had had lab work done on my thyroid and it had tested out fine, but obviously it was not.  I've since learned that lab tests are only sort of reliable (more about that later).  Since then, I've either been on supplements to boost my thyroid or my adrenals or both and have felt back to what I should.  I've also had 2 healthy babies now that my own health is back to where it should be.  I've since also since discovered that both James and Elise's health issues/allergies were due to the stress in my body from all the lack of nutrients (that the parasites stole) and also hormone levels out of control. (A mom will even rob from the adrenals of her unborn baby once theirs are developed, which is probably what I did to Elise, and why her coping skills then were shot when she was born).

Greg took a different route and went to our local Naturopathic Doctor Dr. Briggs (in Clatskanie) and followed his adrenal fatigue protocol.  It took about 2 years of healing with random saliva cortisol levels.  When he started, his cortisol was flat lined on the bottom of the graph and when he was finished it had peaks where it should have.  He also had to change jobs due to the stress at his old one became too much.  It's good to see him laughing again...I missed my good-natured husband, although his now-boss likes to pile on the stress heavily too.  Still working on that one.

So, after that lengthy saga, here's a few ideas of what to do for yourself if you (or your loved ones) are struggling with depression.  There are many root causes, so I'll try to list the ones that come to mind so that you can delve into them more yourself.  This list is certainly not even the tip of the iceberg!  And you'll have to take your health into your own hands.  A medical Dr. will be no help to you in these areas, except to order some lab tests (which you'll likely test fine for).

1) Parasites/Yeast overgrowth-  Do you have bugs in your belly?  Parasites steal your nutrients and excrete ammonia and clog up your liver.   Who wants that?  A cleanse is easy, non-invasive and no trouble at all.  Most people de-worm their pets, but don't consider doing one themselves, although through the ages, people have always fasted seasonally which does the same thing.  If you've ever have/had animals/pets, garden, have been to a third world country, have ever eaten slightly raw meat, eaten sushi or live on a farm you likely have parasites.  If you can find someone who muscle tests or does live blood analysis to find out for sure, do so.  If not, just do a cleanse.  Here's a few reputable companies as well as more info. Renew Life, Mountain Meadow Herbs, Humaworm (symptom list also), Standard Process.  If pregnant or nursing, you can use olive leaf extract (Mountain Meadow Herbs).   Candida yeast overgrowth goes hand in hand with parasites, and often if you have one, you have both.   The symptoms can be similar too.  Tackling candida can be more challenging, but feeling better is worth it!  **Make sure your spouse does a cleanse too, or you'll just keep getting reinfected.

2) Low Magnesium- because of our high stress, poor soil (nutrients), and bombardment with things that deplete magnesium, low magnesium is almost endemic.  It's such an easy fix too.   All of these things will help ease depression.  Because...Magnesium regulates cortisol.  Magnesium lowers blood sugar.  Magnesium supports thyroid.  Magnesium aids sleep. Magnesium fuels cellular energy. Magnesium makes hormones.  Magnesium activates vitamin D.  Magnesium is anti-aging. (source)   A product like Natural Calm is easy to start with.  Start out on a low dose and gradually work up to more.  Epsom salts baths will help too.

3) Poor Nutrition (even with excellent diet)- There are many reasons our bodies aren't getting the nutrients we need for a healthy mind and body.  Sometimes it's diet (not enough vegetables, too many grains/carbs and sugar, poor soil quality or long shipping times so the nutrients aren't even in the food by the time we get them, etc.), but often it's that our digestion is poor and we aren't digesting or absorbing the food we're eating.  This may be due to stress, allergies/food sensitivities (diagnosed or not), eating too fast (we moms don't do that do we?), low stomach acid (from low mineral levels), poor gut flora (bad bacteria outnumber the good), or poor liver function (below).  If you didn't read my recent post on improving your digestion, here it is.  Poor nutrition also equals low serotonin, which is your feel good neurotransmitter. Serotonin is produced in the gut, so poor gut health results in low serotonin.  Beets are great for increasing serotonin in the gut, cleansing the liver, as well as probiotics.  Focusing on B vitamins, probiotics and essential fatty acids will help your nutrition dramatically, as well as taking digestive enzymes to help digest what you do eat.   The gut-brain connection goes both ways.  Poor gut function=poor brain function and vice versa.  

4) Poor Liver Function- Your liver is your big huge filter and if it gets clogged, everything downstream will suffer.  And that would be your heart, your brain and your hormones.  Think of a car's oil filter.  If it gets clogged up, how well does it work?  Your body is the same way.  Environmental toxins, prescription meds, smoking or alcohol intake, ammonia (from parasites), hormones (especially birth control pills and hormone replacement therapy), and poor nutrition can all clog up your liver.  Read my post here about liver health and start taking steps to clean your clogged filter!  Here's a list of symptoms to see how healthy your liver is or isn't.  Here's foods to help clean it.   There are also several kinds of gall bladder flushes to help get rid of any gall stones that may be impeding liver function. Here's one kind and here's another.  This is a long geeky article on the long reaching effects of a good vs. bad liver if you want to read more.  Look for liver supplements with milk thistle and dandelion in them as they will do wonders for a sluggish, over-worked liver.  If you have any hormone imbalances, you likely have liver congestion.  Although your liver doesn't produce most of these hormones; it is what regulates the sex hormones (estrogen, progesterone, etc.), aldosterone (fluid balance hormone), insulin/glucagon/glucose (blood sugar), testosterone, and cortisol (stress/fight & flight) and the liver are closely entwined as well.

5) Adrenal Fatigue- your adrenals are what help you deal with stress.  They get taxed and don't work effectively if stress isn't eliminated or dealt with.  Many of us have high levels of stress in our lives and aren't able to eliminate them (jobs, caregiving, family problems/worries, etc.), so our adrenals take the toll.  My blog posts about it tells a lot more, but Dr. Wilson is one of the most well-respected experts on the subject.  The medical doctors dismiss such a thing as adrenal fatigue and it is not even a medically diagnosible disease, even though it afflicts so many thousands of people.  The saliva cortisol test is the best test possible for seeing if your adrenals are doing what they're supposed to be, but you'll likely have to find a Naturopath to get it ordered.  

6) Over or Underactive Thyroid- The thyroid and adrenals go hand in hand.  They help each other.  If one is stressed, the other will be also.  If your thyroid is low, you'll feel sluggish and dreary.  The problem is that ordinary lab results rarely diagnose thyroid problems, because the range of what is "normal" is so huge.  The doctor sees the numbers and dismisses it right away if they are within range.  If you feel your thyroid isn't doing what it's supposed to be, find a new doctor.  A Naturopath or Integrative/Functional Doctor will look deeper into the root of your problem more than a medical one will.  They just will.  Dr. Sara Gottfried has lots of good information too.

7) Low mineral levels- pregnancy depletes 4 lbs of minerals PER BABY, so many of us moms are really low.  The books The Calcium Lie II and The Post-Natal Depletion Cure are both good resources to see how much of each mineral we need, and how to get more.  Minerals have taken the back seat to all the other supplements these days, but are now being seen as vital to all health imbalances.  In the post-natal book, he explains the symptoms that come with too high or too low levels of each major mineral in our bodies.  If our minerals are balanced, our symptoms will go away.  I like nettle/alfalfa/oatstraw infusions for my mineral dosages each day (cheapest option), or Concentrace drops, Real Salt or Bioplasma homeopathic cell salts.  Can get the herbs for the infusion at Natural Grocers (for those with one of those nearby on the West Coast/AZ). 

8) Emotional/Spiritual/Physical stressors (finances, health, etc.)/Grief not dealt with. I won't go into these one as I don't have a lot of resources for it.  But they're very real.  And they need to be addressed and dealt with just like physical symptoms, even if it happened decades ago.  And there's always hope and healing through Jesus Christ, as well as forgiveness and redemption.  There are many forms of counselling and avenues to help you if this has been your root cause of depression.

Medications should only be used on a short term basis WHILE the root cause is being investigated.  They are not helpful in the long run, as they do not solve the root problem, but just mask it.  If you end up with a heart attack or stroke in the future because your liver congestion was never addressed, that's a huge problem.  But nobody will tell you there is a correlation, when there really is.  When your heart can't get good, clean, healthy blood because your liver (filter) is clogged up, no amount of antidepressants will solve that problem.  Here's some herbs and supplements we've used with good results for mood as an alternative to medication.  Do not stop medications quickly though!  And find out what is compatible and what are not.  Some medications cannot be mixed with these herbs/supplements.

~NutriCalm  Lots of B vitamins and calming herbs for your nerves.  Makes you feel better right away.  Safe for pregnancy/nursing.
~Suma This is what I started with from Sonja and felt better right away.  Not safe for pregnancy or nursing though so I've had to find other things.
~Green Vibrance This was my next go-to and is still what I take each day.  It has digestive enzymes, liver support, adaptogens (adrenal support), thyroid support, probiotics and more in it.  Tastes best mixed in a bit of orange juice, but still is very "green".  You can even buy single dose packs just to try a few if you don't want a big jug.  
~5-HTP  This is going to be your cheapest supplement.  I've taken it to help with sleep, but it also helps calm your nerves throughout the day.  If your serotonin is low, this is the one you want.
~St. John's Wort- This is what Greg took for the longest time, although he took Nevaton (listed below) which has it in it.  Get a good quality one, as the cheaper ones don't work as well.
~SAM-e This is what my midwife recommends for post-partum depression.  Greg took this as well and had good results with it, but it is more expensive.  You want at least 400mg. for depression (it's also great for joint pain, so lower doses are available for that).
~Nevaton This is what our Naturopath had Greg on for a long time as well.  It works very well at keeping moods balanced.
~GABA This is great for calming and anxiety.  We haven't used it a lot, but occasionally and it works well.  It's an amino acid.
~True Hope vitamins.  This company was started back in the 90s when a father lost 2 of his children to suicide from Bipolar Disease.  They are a vitamin company based in Alberta, Canada but are also available in the U.S.  I've had several family members have profound results from using these vitamins.  They have counselors to help work with your doctor to reduce your meds so that you can only take the vitamins and get rid of the meds.  If you aren't on meds, they can help tailor your dose to fit your needs.   Awesome resource and amazing results.  We take these still as a multivitamin.  The vitamins are mostly Bs and amino acids and trace minerals but there are other products available too, depending on your symptoms.

Kelly Brogan M.D., Holistic Psychiatrist is my go-to for anything to do with depression.  She has a great website  full of information and lots of articles that are helpful.  Here's one of her articles:
3 Dietary Changes to Make Before Starting an Antidepressant

Most of all, I would encourage you to seek your own answers.  Don't be satisfied with a prescription for meds for the rest of your life or a diagnosis that your illness is "genetic".  That's just an excuse for not caring enough to find the true cause and a true solution.  Try all sorts of treatments until you find one that works.  Yes, it will likely cost you money out of pocket (you can claim any Naturopathic visits, treatments or supplements on your taxes though).  Yes, you'll find some things don't work at all.  But yes, you can be healed also.  Not just a Band-Aid fix, but healed!  Not too many medical doctors can offer you that.  

Recommended Books to Read:
A Mind of Your Own - Dr. Kelly Brogan (healing depression and getting off meds)
The Mood Cure -talks about amino acids, self tests and lots of good information
The Hormone Cure -all about female hormones
Stop the Thyroid Madness -all about the thyroid
Potatoes Not Prozac -alternatives to medications
Adrenal Fatigue-21st Century Stress Syndrome -all about adrenal fatigue
The Liver and Gall Bladder Miracle Cleanse -explains how the liver/gall bladder and heart are closely intertwined and how to improve their health
Physical Nutrition and Degeneration -how nutrition impacts a society for better or worse
Nourishing Traditions -getting back to eating like generations past for improved nutrition, health and happiness
Magnificent Magnesium- the benefits of getting enough magnesium.  All the things magnesium does in the body (there's over 300!)
The Magnesium Miracle- even more about magnesium- the miracle mineral
The Calcium Lie II- more on minerals
The Post-Natal Depletion Cure- how being pregnant with our precious babies drains our bodies of nutrients, causes health issues and how to replace them.  For some women 1 baby will totally deplete, with others it may be more babies.