"There is a fine line between being efficient and being lazy" Grandma K.
In my 4 year parenting career, I've come across all sorts of information that helps me on my journey. It's a constant work in progress, with needs changing with the times. I thought I'd share some of that information, in case it can be of help to you too. I won't take any credit for the ideas, because all of them come from parents more experienced than I, who were kind enough to share them with me. Well, one came from Dr. Laura too. She has good ideas now and then.
-Focus on making sure your kids listen, first and foremost. If they don't, it makes every other aspect of parenting more difficult. I like the theory "don't let them out of your sight until they can be trusted". This usually happens around age 3. I really like the parenting website raisinggodlytomatoes.com, because the woman tells you exactly how to do this, and has 10 kids of her own. Most parenting sites/books only deal with 2 kids, and bad behavior is tolerable when you only have a few. With 10, you must have kids listen, or you'd have a madhouse. She also does "time in" instead of "time out", because she says that time out changes the action, not the attitude. Time in involves sitting by Mom (or helping her with a task) for a certain amount of time (which is often harder) and in that time you can talk about proper behavior. And I find often kids misbehave when they want/need some attention, so this kills 2 birds with one stone.
-Next is "use a timer". Kids dawdle, and this lets them do a bit of it, but not too much. It actually is more useful for me, because when it dings, I remember to check if they are done doing what I asked them to, in the specified time. Because they can't tell time, they never know when it's going to go off, so work more effieciently too. We've only started this in the past couple months, and I sure wish I would have started long ago. Alot less "hounding" on my part, and alot more obedience out of the kids. We've honed our bed time routine (9 items) from 2 hours to 1/2 hour. And the kids lose priviledges if they don't get the stuff done (toys not picked up in time = no story)
-Limit your time on the phone. This one is hard for me, because I like to stay in touch with people. But...when I'm on the phone, nothing gets done, and my kids misbehave. Guaranteed. So, I try to limit non emergent (visiting) calls to 1 per week, and then either email or text message the rest. If you find you're not getting anything done because of phone distractions, shut off the ringer. Things are typically not that important. You can always listen to the message, and call back if it is important. Time on the computer fits in the same category.
-Limit tasks each day. Don't try to clean the whole house every day, or you'll end up disappointed in your lack of abilities. I set a task for each day (the same each week), and try to commit an hour to do so (during baby's morning nap or while the kids are dawdling through breakfast) Then if things need attention, you know they will get done in a day or two, and you can let it go. My house stays cleaner this way, because I don't feel overwhelmed every day with a dirty house. Also, lower your expectations. Although I'd love a spotless house, I'm not willing to stay up late (and sacrifice precious sleep) or ignore my kids needs to get one. So, that means I'll never have one or I have to hire someone. Good enough is good enough. (a friend also mentioned that when she has a spotless house she yells more at her kids, as she wants it to stay that way, she said keeping it at 80% clean works the best)
-Don't overcommit yourself. Learn to say no. You don't have to go to every event, birthday, etc. You don't have to have a big party for everything, or everyone. Ask your kids what they want for their birthday and you might be surprised. We've found this formula works in our house: 1 event per weekend (either Fri or Sat, preferably not Saturday night as we have trouble behaving in church if out too late), home by 6 on Sunday (or else the week is just a disaster before it starts) Find what formula works in your family, and be committed to sticking to it.
-Find other parents (preferably with older children) that you can aspire to. Watch and learn. See what you like in them, and fit it to your life. Weed out that which you don't like in your life. This is a continual battle. In relation to this, adapt only one new thing in your life at a time. More than that will be overwhelming, and you'll quit before you start. Whether it be behavior modification or cooking healthier, limit it to 1 thing.
-Cook easy. As a parent with small kids I can give 4 good reasons to cook easy. 1) Less time for prep, 2) Kids don't appreciate it anyways, 3) You don't appreciate it as you're too busy wolfing it down before the baby needs you, 4) It's cheaper.
-Get your kids to help you with everything you do. This is a lazy mom's secret. Why waste your energy when you could be teaching someone else to do it? How is a kid to learn if you never teach him/her? If you involve your kids in everything you do, then they are always in sight (less discipline issues), learning as they watch, and then you don't have to be spending so much "quality time" with them, because they are getting it while you get stuff done. Greg tells about a crotchety old machining instructor at college that said, "if you have question, watch me long enough and you'll see me answer it". Not the theory we hear these days, but effective! My mom gave me a list of things kids can do at what age, and that has helped immensely. An example of this would be making pancakes for breakfast:
4 year old: gather everything he can reach (mixing bowl, measuring cups, flour, etc), set table
2 year old: sit on counter and hold spoon/wisk, stir at appropriate time, help set table, carry syrup, butter to table
baby: sit in bumbo on counter watching and chewing on spatula, involved in process
Mom: help measure ingredients, 4 yr old pours them in bowl. Answer million questions, heat up pans, cook. Guide process, but let the kids do most of the work. "Quality time is quantity time"
-This is the Dr. Laura advice. There is no such thing as balance. When you try to balance, something always loses, and then nothing gets your full attention. So make the best decision at the time and give it your full attention. As moms, we have to multitask, but for the most part, if it's time to play, play. If it's time for your husband, give him your undivided attention. Don't be thinking about what you coulda/shoulda/woulda done.
-Read magazines that inspire. I find many mainstream magazines (Parenting, Parents, etc) focus on earthly things, which isn't where our treasure should be. Find magazines that help you be the parent you aspire to. Two that I like are No Greater Joy, and Above Rubies. Both are free (with donation if desired) and usually the writers have much more on their plate than I do, and it makes my life seem pretty doable. You can order them at www.nogreaterjoy.org and www.aboverubies.org/
Now...if we can only implement these into our own life, things would be awesome. Well, life is good, there just seems to be a lot of overwhelming days these days.
