Today it's been 10 years since my cousins, Susan (19) and Douglas (17) were taken up into heaven. I've been trying to collaborate in my head memories of them, as well as what I've learned by having them in my life, as well as what their death has taught me. I guess most of all, it taught me to be ready, should your life end today. Are you at peace with God? Is Jesus your Lord and Saviour? If not, learn about Him and His forgiveness and ask Him to be. The Bible says, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28) There is many types of rest (a clean conscience, a peaceful life, trust in Someone other than yourself to care for your life) but most of all rest in the fact that you can go to heaven someday because of Jesus' death and resurrection on the cross. Your sins have been paid for, full and free.
A couple months before the kids died, we had been singing some hymns, and Susan mentioned that she'd like, "How Gladly I, My Place Have Taken" sung at her funeral. We all joked that how could we remember that request since it would be a good 60-80 years until then. Little did we know it would be a few short months away. But, sometimes things just don't work out the way we would hope or plan. God has a more perfect plan, although often we don't understand His ways until much later (if ever).
I guess I'm mostly thinking back to the time of the accident, when I was in North Dakota on my way back from our church conventions, full of hope and peace in the Lord after hearing so much from God's Word. We recieved news that the kids were not doing well (both were on ventilators) and time was likely short. We drove as fast as possible to get home, only to arrive hours after their lives had been taken away. I went with my sister and a couple cousins down to a 24 hour restaurant in Calgary (where we were staying, since that is where Susan and Douglas were in the hospital) so they could fill me in on the details of the past few days. We sat there and drank coffee and cried and reminisced for a few hours before heading back to the house where we were staying. On the walk, we all had tear stained faces, with the grim future ahead. It was pouring rain (which suited our moods), and as we were walking along the sidewalk, a car drove past through a big puddle, soaking us all thoroughly. There was nothing to do but laugh and laugh. Even in the grimest times, you can always find something to brighten the day. In a couple hours we would head to the hospital to find that Susan and Douglas had passed away peacefully...that their eternity had begun safe in the arms of Jesus.
I guess I do still wonder why they were taken from us, when their lives were so young and vibrant. But, I'm at peace with that. After their deaths, I cried many times a day for months, and learned one valuable thing that has carried me through other times. And that is that we can only rely on God. I (as I'm sure we all do) had relied on the strength of my family, my church, and my friends, but at this time in my life, they were all as weak as I since they had lost them too. I learned that nothing is sure in the world, and that God is the only thing that stays the same. That was huge. All the earthly supports help you, but they can't be God, nor can they have the stability that God gives. When I hit the lowest rock bottom, God was the only One who could pick me up. He knew where I was, when all the people I knew were floundering as much as I. He knew the hurt, the pain, the questions, the answers and led me where He wanted me to go, even though often I didn't know where to go or what to do. He gave me peace, when everything else screamed "why? why? why?" He brought me friends that I never knew existed. He brought me comfort whether it was day or night when I needed comfort. For this I am eternally grateful. He became my best friend, although I would have previously labelled Him a good friend. But I had never relied on Him wholly as I should have, and through this experience, had to. It taught me that the Bible and it's truths cannot be replaced by superficial things (worship, meetings, things that may try to add exitement to ones Christianity), and that the only thing worth having is peace in your heart which is peace with God. It saddens me to see many people trying to improve on Christ's redemptive work on the cross. That somehow we can add to that. That the "Faith of our Father's" isn't good enough, fun enough or user friendly enough. That many people blame the Church for problems, when often the problem is in their own soul. I'm so thankful that God has shown me these past 10 years, of His love, His forgiveness, His faithfulness, and that His mercies are neverending. What more could I want?
