Keep Calm and Carry On

If you'll notice, I have a new 'bling' on the side of my blog. It's a common saying these days, and I've been saying it to myself when things seem to be whirling out of control. It seems like my nerves just aren't what they were 10 years ago. The other night I couldn't even watch a surgery scene from the 60's mystery series Columbo. (where they didn't even show anything gruesome, just implied it!) Anyhow, the history of this saying is quite fascinating. I'll try to post the video here, but if it doesn't post, it'll send the link to YouTube and you can watch the video. You might also just find yourself saying to yourself (and perhaps encouraging others also), to just "keep calm and carry on!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrHkKXFRbCI

Blast from the Past

Ever think you're stepping back in time? Well, these days I see far too many reminders of the 80's. And most of those who are wearing those clothes were just babies or not even born back then. Well, I never thought I'd see it in my own house. At least not this soon!


















Last Sunday our daughter got herself ready for church , and though I had picked the shirt and skirt, she accessorized herself. Striped teal tights (ok, that's early 90's), so some flashy blue socks (on upside down so the heels were bunched up on top) and white classy shoes on the wrong feet. The shirt then fell down with her 2 year old unladylike behavior, leaving the signature "bare shoulder" the 80's was famous for. She did have a Flashdance style headband on earlier too, but we couldn't find it for the picture (thankfully!)

She was pretty cute, despite the all-too-familiar reminders of childhood fashion faux pas that I'd rather forget!

Our very own mystery

Who...what...why...how? Who, what, where, when, why, how?











In our house, Busytown Mysteries is a favorite show, when the kids get a chance to watch it. They love helping Huckle Cat, Sally Cat, Lowly Worm and the others solve different mysteries in Busytown. (as you recall the two middle kids had a Busytown cake for their birthday last year)

So, yesterday we encountered our own mystery while grocery shopping in WinCo. The case of the missing shopping list. (when we were only half done the trip, akk!) So, I set my sleuths to work. Huckle (Luke) had had the list last. Sally (James) got on the search, looking for clues. Hilda Hippo (Elise) called out orders. We were in the bulk section, when we discovered it missing. I asked the questions: "when did you have it last?" "do you remember setting it down?" "where did you set it down?" trying to get clues. The sleuths scoured the area and the half full cart trying to recall the details. Huckle remembered setting it down, and then later remembered that he had clipped it to the cart with the pen that it was attached to. But alas, no list. When we got to the question "where was the cart when you clipped it on?" he showed me where we had been. I recalled that there had been an elderly lady there while we were there and I had been helping her read the labels that she couldn't see. I realized that we had been there a while, and perhaps the list had mistakenly gotten attached to her cart instead.

We then had to find the lady (and remember what she looked like since there was plenty of them in the store that day). Thankfully she was right over at a different area of the bulk section and sure enough the list was sitting there clipped to the side of her cart. My Huckle was too shy to go over and explain what happened, so Mother Cat took care of it.

Mystery solved and the crew saved the day!!

**Side note: One day on an episode they used the word "brainwave" to describe something. Greg tells me, "that is a word I've only heard you use. Must be a Canadian show." And it is. I never knew that it was a word that was exclusive to us Canucks, but so it is! It means "bright idea", if you can't figure it out on your own.

Eating Out with a Family

So this would be part two of menu planning (or maybe it's the "lack of planning" part) that I didn't include the other day. We all love to eat out, but with 4 kids, how does one do it cheaply? First of all, having a baby helps you to NOT eat out. How much fun is it to spend $30-40 on a meal and all the while you are wolfing it down while jiggling a fussy baby. Or you and your husband are taking turns with him (while dancing around your table, or in the lobby or the car (been there, done that)) all in the name of "going out to dinner". Not fun!

What we've learned in our few parenting years is in one word: Breakfast. We love to go out for breakfast, and it works well for these reasons: kids are well rested and thus well behaved, less noise=less fussiness in babies, less money (depending on what you order), more normal food=less picky kids, you also usually can skip lunch if you eat a restaurant breakfast. With our 3 eating kids, we can order 2 entrees and split it 5 ways equaling a pretty good deal. We drink water most of the time or the kids bring their own milk cups. (toddlers can get by with that stuff, a 6 year old not so much!)

So, when we do occasionally eat non-home food, this is how we do it. We call it the $10 special limit. We have 3 local options.
1) Papa Murphy's take'n bake pizza (whatever is on sale for less than $10). Other company's pizzas may be cheaper but we've found they aren't as filling, so everyone wants more than that.
2) Nacho plate at a Mexican restaurant. Let the kids eat lots of chips and salsa, and you're set!
3) House special at our local Chinese restaurant. We love the House Lo Mein at the Lucky Dragon and we order it as take-out and eat at home with our own added stir fry veggies. There's even enough for Greg's lunch too. Score!

I did try making Chinese food at home from scratch, and used up every dish in my kitchen (or close to it). For the time and energy put into it, I vowed not to do that again anytime soon! Usually lunch specials are even cheaper than dinner ones, which we do sometimes on our way home from church for lunch.

And of course, water to drink all around. We only eat out when there is leftover grocery money, which also helps us to not go out very often, because, umm....that rarely happens! It is also motivation to stick within budget so that we can go out now and then. We also quit going out for supper when we had a date, as I was always making food for the babysitter and our kids anyhow. We usually eat at home and then grab a coffee or dessert instead, which is much cheaper.

Menu planning and budgeteering

My friend at the orangerie blog recently wrote about their food planning and budgeting ways, and it motivated me to do it also. I have been meaning to do this for eons, but never actually sat down to write it out. I recently had a motivating session at my house with 7 other ladies where we shared ideas and it was very encouraging. It seems like such a rut I get into, so keeping positive in that area was much needed and appreciated. I feel that what we are doing is working for now, although I'd like to expand in a few areas that will have to wait for later this year. So, here's what we do:

I make a menu plan, consisting of 5 meals (supper, double volume for 2 weeks). I then add our staples for breakfast and lunch and then shop accordingly. Our menu looks something like this at present:

Breakfast: weekdays- fried eggs and wholegrain toast, "warm" cereal (which could be cream of wheat, oatmeal, Mighty Tasty, etc), yogurt with granola and frozen berries. Greg eats pb&j sandwiches for breakfast every day, with a cup of yogurt for snack. Weekends- pancakes or pannukakku or boiled eggs. Muffins and scones occasionally.

Lunch: usually a sandwich (egg salad, tuna, pb&j, crackers & cheese) with raw veggies on the side, Greg takes leftovers from supper the night before

Supper: usually one dish casserole/soup that is either made in the Dutch oven or slow cooker. I only make 5 per week as we often have leftovers to use up or we do waffles Sunday evening.

Snacks: fruit, homemade trail mix, chips & salsa. We rarely make desserts 'cause (a) I eat it all (b) just more messes to clean up

I plan my meals out by looking through my cookbooks (I actually only use 2 these days, my own of cumulative recipes I've collected and my mom's family cookbook which is amazing) and this only takes a few minutes. I've tried going without recipes and winging it, but seem to either wreck what I'm making (burning and over-spicing seem to be the common thread of failure) or panic because I can't think of anything. (which results in pancakes or baked scrambled eggs again since we live too far to get takeout on a moment's notice) I am the kind of cook that thinks "if a little is good, alot will be better" which is rarely the case! We also experience different diet restrictions which makes some foods off limits at different times, and I run out of ideas regularly of things to eat, so it works better to see ingredient lists in front of me.

Since we're going on 9 years of marriage this year, I've tried many different plans. Each one has worked for different situations, but what we're doing has been working for us well right now. With baby #4, I've noticed that we actually have less dishes (big hand washing dishes) than we've ever had. This is because I've simplified menu planning even more by trying to cook everything in one pot. But...this required having a pot big enough. When my mom and mother-in-law came last fall when Isaac was born, they both encouraged me to cook bigger amounts and then reheat. I didn't have big enough pots to do that effectively (I still picture our family as Greg, me and a baby in my minds eye). So, I had to start thinking big. I bought a 11 qt. stock pot (stainless steel with heavy bottom) at IKEA for a steal (my dear husband found it in the As-Is section), and then he got me my 6 qt. Dutch oven for Christmas. These have been incredibly liberating in the food preparing aspect of my life!!

What I do is cook double of supper, then freeze 1/2 for supper the next week. I've found this works well for our family, because we (me mostly) tend to tire if we have to eat too many of the same meals in a row. Then I don't want to make it again for a year, thus running out of ideas to make for supper. If I do it this way, then I can make the same thing again in a month or so without too much boredom. I usually always then have something in the freezer for those days when I'm in town all day and don't have time to cook, or baby is fussy and I can't put him down.

As for budget, I think we're doing well. I made out a master grocery list on Excel last summer (when I was big and pregnant and couldn't do much else) that is categorized by aisles in WinCo (where 95% of my grocery shopping takes place). If I stick to that list (with occasional add ons), we don't overspend nor buy junk that we can't afford/don't need (except for ice cream once in a while!) I've bought the same things over and over so many times, the budget comes out pretty close every time, if I shop on the same day of the week. I am moving towards shopping every week, although am still doing a bigger trip every 2 weeks and a smaller trip on the other weeks these days. It seems we run out of the same things around the same time each time, so I haven't found a way to work it differently yet. Bringing Greg along for shopping is ideal, but this can't/doesn't always happen (rarely it does). I have trained the kids to put away the groceries though, and that is a huge help because usually I'm exhausted by the time we get home from town and also have a fussy baby to boot. We also buy 1/2 beef every couple years which is spendy, but we feel is worth the money to get a quality product and at the same time support our local farmers.

Before:

















After shopping:















Menu from last week:













A few years ago we checked out going to Birch Community Services for food, which is down in Portland. They are a great service for anyone with a tight grocery budget that needs a bit of help. At that time (2006), the lady there said that $100 per person per month, budgetwise is a good goal. It's likely gone up a bit since then, but we try to keep it below there since our kids are pretty little yet. The Master's Diet says that the more nourishing food you eat, the less you have to spend on groceries. He says that what you lack in quality, you have to make up for in quantity, and I know that to be true. He says that our ancestors ate 2 meals per day, and worked much harder than most of us do now. The difference was they ate much (50%) lacto-fermented/sourdough/sprouted food, as well as quality oils, meats and raw veggies (full of digestive enzymes). Their food was maybe not of higher quality, but was better utilized by their body through the breaking down processes used to prepare the food due to lack of refrigeration mostly.

So there it is, in a typewritten nutshell.

The Aversion To Egg Salad

From the time I was a young child, I've had trouble with egg salad. Considering it's not something you run into every day, this usually wasn't a problem. I'm not a picky eater, it was just that the texture of the stuff always made me gag. My only memories of egg salad were when there was a funeral, my mom would make oodles of sandwiches and off they'd go. I don't recall ever eating those ones. Then when I was older, I stayed with an uncle and aunt, and my aunt made them for lunch almost every day. And because my parents raised me to eat whatever was in front of me, I'd gag them down.

So, when we had our own chickens, I started revisiting the dilemma. Egg salad is super easy, cheap and filling. But, it took me 2 years to even get the nerve to try it. I tried recall what had made them so disgusting, and then not go in that direction! Here's what I found:

Texture: my memories were of this gluey, gummy stuff that stuck to the roof of your mouth as you tried to swallow. That squashed between 2 slabs of white bread, and you are destined to choke. That is, if it gets that far.

















Flavor: absolutely bor-ring. (too much mayo, just salt and pepper for taste)

So, finally this winter I got up the nerve to try making it. And what I found is fabulous.

Here's what we do: Boil eggs 11 minutes (this was recommended in Reader's Digest as the perfect time for hard boiled eggs). Rinse under cold water (or make enough from something else and store in the fridge until you're ready to use them and they'll already be cold). We usually make hard boiled eggs for breakfast on Sunday mornings, so I do extra for Monday lunch. Have kids peel the eggs. Slice coarsely a couple times with a pastry blender (not a fork, as you get mush). Add spices. We use dry mustard and a special blend called Wobbie's to taste (a type of seasoning salt with fresh dried herbs made by a friend of a friend who is a chef, but Lawry's works too). Add a small amount of mayo, just so that it slightly sticks together. It should be fluffy, not gummy/soupy. We then put it in crusty pita pockets, and voila! Lunch! The kids love it, I love it and Greg loves it. Yay! We usually eat our veggies on the side, but you could throw some in, like in the picture if you want.














**If you have trouble peeling the eggs, cracking them while you're cooling them in the cold water helps. The cold water gets in between that membrane and the shell and makes them easier to peel.

Sometimes those childhood "hurdles" are harder to get over than we anticipate. Now for riding a horse...we'll leave that to another day...or year...or decade!

Sunny Day

Today I feel refreshed and revitalized. Earlier this week I was ready to throw in the towel, so to speak, as the winter blahs or blues or whatever it was was getting me down. I think alot of it has to do with how much sleep I get, but it's easier to just blame something like weather.

I awoke to the sun shining, and the birds chirping (and we filled the bird feeder to keep them coming) and started the day out beautifully. I had made breakfast last night (steel-cut oats in the slow cooker), so it was ready when we got up. We ate, and I made coffee and then we got in our exercise garb and went down to the high school track in town to meet up with our homeschooling group to run a few laps. The kids in our group are going to do The President's Fitness Challenge this summer, so this was our first attempt. Luke has to run 1/2 mile, so James wanted to as well. I didn't run, but instead walked the track with Isaac in the stroller and Elise walking with me. Getting out and getting exercise without the fear of getting hit by a log truck was exhilarating, especially in the sunshine. Luke said, "feels like an Arizona day", and I had to agree! We had barely got home and some of our friends started showing up for a play date/ladies group.

We had lunch and there was quite a few of us to discuss the topic of meal planning/menu making. I was encouraged to keep on the path I'm on, but I need to set aside a specific day every week for grocery shopping. I've been doing it every 2 weeks, but then the job is gigantic that it requires marathon endurance to accomplish it. And I hate running to town more often than that. My usual town day has always been Friday, but now that Greg has Fridays off, I don't feel like spending it grocery shopping is a good use of our family time. So, I'll keep experimenting until I find a day that works. Maybe I should try in the evening, as some women do, so then the kids could stay with Dad (except that baby does best at home in the evenings, and isn't big enough to leave yet). Or super early in the morning seems to work (then it's kids-in-pj's and pb&j sandwiches for breakfast in the car 'cause otherwise we can't seem to get out the door), so we can get home before noon (when my energy dwindles down to nil). I still don't know how it takes that long! I have recruited the kids to put most of the groceries away, since baby usually needs feeding right when we get home, and that has helped immensely. They are such good helpers.

I feel like our budget is doing well though, even though we now have extra expenses with the food allergies. We are planning on getting a milk goat in the near future (need a fence first), so that will cost more, but will also require staying home more...exciting stuff! We're also experimenting with The Maker's Diet, as listed in my previous post. It is not more expensive nor complicated (unless you go totally organic, which isn't doable for us right now), just takes more thought. (Encourages you to always be preparing 2 meals in advance) for soaking, sprouting, etc. We're just starting small and trying to move towards more whole foods as our goal, and I think we're on our way. I'll let you know how it goes!

To end the day, my husband got home and announced that a coworker may want to buy our camper and was coming over in a few minutes to look at it. Now, we love our camper, but just haven't been able to use it as much as we'd hoped. It just seems like this stage of our life we should rent a cabin if we want to camp. We haven't had that many memorable times, and the last trip was pretty much a write off. And this summer we'll have a 10->12 month old who may or may not be walking, which should be even funner in a campground or camper with very little space. Greg's parents have a bigger trailer now, so we can *hopefully* camp with them when they come this summer, and I'm sure there are other camping-like options out there. And...get this...instead of paying us for it, he wants to give us a few cords of precut firewood. Now, that sounds like a good deal to me. We've been praying for a firewood option, as our former source is gone. (I'm trying not to get too excited in case they decide they don't want it. He took pics and was going to discuss it with his wife.)

Anyhow, it's always refreshing to get both encouragement as well as new ideas to try, and I think today I got a good deal of both (and sunshine).

What We've Been Up To Lately

I've wanted to write an update for a while, but with 4 kids, it seems like it never gets to the top of the priority list. In the evening after everyone is in bed would be an ideal time, but I tend to get cynical and a bit too opinionated to write in an unbiased form. Today I'm home from church by myself with a sickish baby, so I have a bit of peace and quiet. So, here's what we've been up to this winter so far.

Tending to babies. Isaac is now 5 months and is growing healthy and strong. He's got a cold/cough right now that I'm hoping is on it's way out, but other than that is his cheerful self. He was having some teething pain, but a friend lent us an amber teething necklace which seems to have made the symptoms disappear. Highly recommend!

Homeschooling. Luke is plugging away at his 3R's and doing great with them. James is sounding out words and asking how to spell lots of things. Elise is well...getting better at being obedient overall.

Reading. Although I don't have much time to read, I did get and borrow some books I've been trying to get through. In no particular order here's what I've been reading, along with my regular Better Homes and Gardens, Sunset and Reader's Digest.
Be Fruitful and Multiply by Nancy Campbell
Basically letting God be your family planning guide, not societal norms or our own limited human understanding. Understanding that the Bible reiterates that the main reason for marriage is for the expansion of His kingdom, not our own pleasure/enjoyment (although they come after we've been obedient to His first commands). Hundreds of Bible verses which state such truths.
The Maker's Diet by Jordan Rubin
O.K. Just finished this book, and it is awesome. I've read lots of health/nutrition books, and this one sums up what all the other ones give bits and pieces of. This goes back to the Bible and the laws God gave of what we should eat and how we should eat it. It's also in a doable form, rather than complex/expensive/confusing recipes that no one in their right mind can do. This gives a 40 day plan for getting back on track, and then you just follow it to maintain that lifestyle. It inspired us to again work on getting our own goats, so we can have a larger supply of raw goats milk, which is good in every way! The hardest will likely be giving up pork. It's just sooo good! (giving up ostrich and emu will likely not be as challenging) He also has a section on essential oils and herbs and how to incorporate them into your daily life. He healed himself from Crohn's disease with this diet, after being 6'1" and 104 lbs and almost dead.
Setting Their Hope in God by Andrew Case
I've been looking for a book that helps me better pray for my children, as it seems I just pray the same thing over and over, and I was wanting something that expanded that. This book was recommended on a blog I read and is great, as all the prayers come straight from Scripture. I'm not real far into it yet, but have been satisfied thus far.
Homeschool Your Child for Free by LauraMaery Gold
I've had this book for a while, but opened it again for inspiration. I'm convinced that I do not need to spend hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on curriculum for our children. Tons of free options out there. I did spend the money on a library card a couple weeks ago, as we can't get free ones since we live out of city limits. So, instead of totally free, we're at cheap!
Raising Godly Tomatoes by L. Elizabeth Kreuger
As mentioned in my previous post, I love this site and this book. It's the most effective, straightforward child rearing book I've come across. And it works. Everything I've tried in it works. She also deals consistently with heart matters rather than just correcting behavior. Knowing the motives and intentions is most times more effective than just correcting the behavior at hand.

So that's what I've been reading. I'd love to have a bit of Francine Rivers thrown in too, but don't have any on hand. Guess it'll just be non-fiction this stage of the game.

Well, lunch is ready and the family just showed up, so I'll close up for today.

Baked Potato Soup recipe (mostly non-dairy)

I made this soup a couple weeks ago, and it turned out awesome!! Since we're trying to limit dairy, I wanted something that would use little-to-none, rather than many cups of milk to make it creamy. I ended up adding a cup of whole milk at the end just to get the right consistency, but it would have tasted just as good with none. The kids are drinking raw goat milk these days, but it's pretty expensive, so I try to give it to them in more metered doses rather than using a whole jug up in soup! I also did it in my new Dutch oven that I got for Christmas. I love, love, love that thing!












8 baking potatoes (preferably organic, as you eat the skins)
1 head cauliflower
2-3 stalks of kale, chopped finely (optional)
1/2 onion, chopped finely
1 cup milk/cream
1/2 pack of bacon (1/2 lb, I think)
3-4 c. broth (chicken, beef or veggie)
3 green onions or handful of chives
shredded cheese
sour cream

Bake your potatoes in the oven in their skins (no foil) after scrubbing clean. (About an hour at 350*F). Set aside to cool slightly (so you can handle them). While they are baking, fry your bacon in the Dutch oven. Remove from pan and drain most of the drippings. In the remaining bacon drippings, saute 1/2 onion until translucent. (med heat) Add broth and bring to a boil. Chop your cauliflower coarsely and add to boiling broth. While the cauliflower is cooking, slice your potatoes open and scoop out the flesh. Collect it all to add back into the soup. When cauliflower is almost done, add your potatoes. Simmer and then add kale 5 minutes before serving. Right before serving, either mash up any chunks with an immersion blender or potato masher (depending if you want the soup chunky or smooth). Add milk or cream to get it to the consistency you like. While the soup is simmering, chop your potato skins into bite size pieces and put on a baking sheet and place back in the oven to crisp up. To serve, ladle soup into bowls and top with potato skins, bacon bits, green onions, cheese and sour cream according to your likings.

We've been trying to get more veggies in our diet, and kale is one of the ones I've been adding to soups and then blending it. I like it because it's packed with vitamins (especially vitamin K), and doesn't get mushy like some other greens do. I add it so it's in there just long enough to soften it slightly before serving.

The Sugar Connection

Last week we were doing great. The kids were behaving amazingly well, due to stepping up the training on our part (us parents) and I was quite happy with how they got along with me, as well as each other (minimal fighting!) I had recently received the paper copy of Raising Godly Tomatoes that I had ordered and had got remotivated to get them back on track. It seems like they do so well for such a long time, that I forget and don't even notice the slight decay in their behavior until it blasts me right in the face. But, since baby #4 has come along, things have been slipping. Being tardy, neglectful and just plain not listening very well have become more the norm than the exception. I don't blame the kids, as they are just that - kids. It was time to get back in the swing of things again though. Even Elise was doing her tasks "qwick-wy and cheewfowwy" (quickly and cheerfully) as is required in our house.

This week is the complete opposite. It's as if their ears don't work at all, I'm getting irritated (to say the least) and nothing is going smoothly. In trying to figure out why, I came up with a possible cause. I really think that culprit is sugar. Over the weekend they indulged in a whack of Valentine's candy (it was on clearance, loaded also with red #40) and then some huge, delicious cinnamon rolls, some apple crisp and who knows what else. Normally our house is pretty limited in the sugar department, and I can't figure out how else my beautiful children could so quickly turn into delinquents. Then I remember my sister saying that whenever one of her kids ate candy when he was young, it took a week to get him back into the sweet boy she knew he was. The combination of sugar and dyes just was too much for him.

It's no wonder that if this much junk food can do this to my kids, what's it doing to our nation? No wonder so many kids are diagnosed with ADD and all sorts of other attention problems. Pretty much every packaged food has some sort of either sugar or dye to make it more attractive. We try to make as much food from scratch to avoid those things in our own house, but how many other homes pay no attention to the amount of sugar their kids take in. And then they wonder why they get no respect and the kids don't listen. And the kids pay the price now (for repeated punishment) as well as likely not feeling very well overall, possible medications in severe cases and then a life of health problems in the future. Sad.

I was also reminded of this video I saw a while back. I tried to share it on here but was unable, so you'll have to click on the link and then watch it there.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/jamie-oliver-fills-school-bus-with-sugar-on-food-revolution/2011/04/13/AFOk2WVD_blog.html

I love sweets myself, but limit them mostly because if they are in the house, I eat them. Eat.Them.All. So, if I can't put restraints on myself, I can see how much harder it is for a child who doesn't have all the guilt/knowledge of how detrimental the excess can be. We won't even start on the damage to teeth. I'd rather not have to worry about it. Just have some on occasion and call it good. But, apparently this weekend it was just a little too good. Oh, and they all got sick (colds) too. Double whammy.

Princesses, princesses everywhere, (gag)

This post follows one that I wrote a couple years ago here in which I stated my fear of having a daughter that would turn out to be a "princess". Thankfully we have a daughter, and thankfully thus far have been able to avoid the syndrome. The other day, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while mentioned that I have one princess among my boys. I know she meant well, but it again reminded me how much it bothers me to hear little girls acting this way or being treated this way (most often by their parents).

The dictionary gives the definition as this:
prin·cess (prnss, -ss, prn-ss) n.

1. A woman member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a daughter of a monarch. 2. A woman who is a ruler of a principality. 3. A noblewoman of varying status or rank. 4. The wife of a prince. 5. A woman regarded as having the status or qualities of a princess.

Do any of our daughters fall into that category? Are we raising royalty? Why aren't we raising our sons to be princes then? Other than being a child of a King (that King being our God on high), we should all be much more focused on being servants to one another, following in Christ's footsteps, and calling our daughters names that encourage that. The idea that our daughters should be princesses (that will one day meet Prince Charming) only sets them up for failure. The world is not going to see them as anything other than one of the many millions of others out there. Their future employers are going to want someone who digs in and works hard (more like Cinderella in her former days). Their future husband will hopefully treat her like a princess, but is she going to attract the right kind of husband with her world-owes-me-a-favor-'cause-I'm-so-cute attitude?

I say the rest of this because we finally got a library card and Elise checked out 2 Disney princess books (she already has a few doodads, so recognized them). Reading those books was nauseating. All about beauty and Prince Charming and dresses and "how do I look?" business. We've only watched Cinderella as far as the princess movies go, and I am thankful my kids enjoyed the cat and mouse shenanigans more than the rest of the story. (Except James who asked, "why were those stepsisters trying to kill Cinderella?" when they were stealing their beads and sashes back.) And I don't think we'll be watching the rest of them anytime soon. Beauty and the Beast has always bothered me due to the notion that it portrays that everything will work out if you just love someone enough. Hello, not true!

These days Elise is quite happy with Holley Shiftwell (from Cars 2), Strawberry Shortcake , Hello, Kitty with a smattering of Tinkerbell and that's just fine with me! Just as I finished typing this, I checked my email and this was written on one of them about training our children. Kind of sums up my thoughts on the matter.

"Instead of worrying about "socialization", concentrate on raising polite, courteous and thoughtful people. Teach your children the importance of having a few good friends instead of a bunch of mediocre acquaintances. Stress loyalty and dedication over popularity and shallow emotional gratification."

"Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday." (Psalm 37:5-6)

Don't Carpe Diem, part I

I'm posting this article, as it should be read before I post my opinion in the next post. So, this is part I, part II to follow below.

by Glennon Melton

"Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html

"Carpe Diem" (Seize the Day) part II

Today I read the above article, and it really hit home to me. Maybe because I've just gotten past the scary newborn stage, and am now into the oh-so-fun teething stage. But partly because many folks these days are caught up in the "One Thousand Gifts" mantra, and I just haven't been able to jump on the bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being thankful for the little things, the everyday things, and the boring and even mundane things. I think it's great to be grateful for all the things we're given and find myself being grateful and thankful many hundred times each day (as well as being frustrated or irritated at some situation) too. But, do I need to write it all down? Because I feel like if I don't, then I'm not being thankful enough. What if I just prayerfully thank God for my blessings (generally speaking, for the most part, only a few of them specific), does that mean I'm not thankful enough? I wrote about some of those in this post a while back.

Thinking about this today, I started to mentally keep track of things I'm thankful for in the day, just to see where my thoughts randomly went (without specifically sending them anywhere, such as into thankfulness mode). I had thankful thoughts all day long.
I'm thankful that the snow was melting (I was also thankful it came!)
-for my nice warm house,
-our wood stove,
-firewood,
-my new homemade soaked oatmeal granola (yum, can't wait to try eating it tomorrow morning, and will share recipe if it's as good as I think it'll be),
-the fact that my baby boy loves my hanging paper lanterns as much as I do (he gets a big grin every time he looks at them) and I've tried taking them down in the past, but miss them too much myself
-that I got my tall counter cleaned off (rarely happens)
-good memories in the pictures I found while cleaning the counter
-my oldest son's willingness to help hundreds of times each day
-second boys grin right before I had to admonish him ---- again
-my little girl's "my wips is kind of dwy" (hint hint: need chapstick)
-my baby boy sleeping on my chest (no wonder I have so much trouble sleep training)
-my sweetie working hard for all of us, getting up so early
-hot bath with a new magazine
-cloth diapers (I have to change them more often, but they make me super happy every time I use them)
-carpet floors on cold days
-a laptop to type while in my comfy LazyBoy while nursing my baby
-Christmas lights still up in the front window that cast a warm glow on the room in the dark
-being able to crochet while baby sleeps on my chest each afternoon
-comfy baby carriers
-lots of pants for my neglectful potty training girl
-warm winter boots that I bought in Alaska that are waterproof
-dark chocolate from Trader Joe's
-beef in the freezer for when I can't get to town
-the ability to have my children home with me and to be able to educate them and watch them grow


The list could go on and on. That was just what came to mind sitting here with no deep thinking. I guess I feel guilty most of the time when this subject arises because I feel that external things/people put pressures on me, when in fact I believe I'm right where I'm supposed to be (always with room for improvement, of course!) I feel I do try to seize each day, and be thankful TO GOD (an important aspect of thankfulness that's often overlooked) for all those little and big things.

But, I do know that last year when I was depressed, nothing anyone said or did made me thankful. When someone told me, "be thankful you're not in Japan with the tsunami", all it did was make me feel more guilty. It didn't help me change my perspective in the least. When I felt physically better, my attitude changed on it's own. I guess that's why motivating posters always kind of get on my nerves. Do they actually ever work? Maybe for other personality types they do, but I "just do it" without someone else telling me to.

I guess I'm a pretty positive, self-motivated person overall, and some people aren't so much so, either in personality or in their place in life. Some people feel the world owes them a favor, or that they have some entitlement that the rest of us are not privy to. For those people, I can see how this thankfulness trend is useful and necessary. But for normal folk like me, suck it up and live!

It's getting late, so my thoughts are sort of getting rambly...nighty night!