I speak from experience. Years of it. I speak for mothers whose babies do NOT sleep all night long. The ones who think there must be something wrong with their mothering or their babies because they can't get their babies to sleep. Those who are great mothers in yet feel guilty because they can't be the energetic person they once were before they had children. I'm here to tell you that it's all okay. You will survive. You are a great mom. God sees you and every little detail of your life, and He cares.
I was once a sleep lover. I had my first baby at 30, so had many years of glorious sleep before that. 12 hours per night - no problem. Sleeping in - whenever I could. Work hard, play hard, sleep hard was my motto. Then along came baby. My nights were interrupted but that was okay. I still functioned. He nursed/cried all evening and then we got one 4 hour stretch before he awoke again. I did fine. Baby #2 was worse. He had eczema from birth and itched and cried his whole babyhood. He awoke on average 15 times each night and only nursing would console him. I never got more than 1/2 hour sleep at a time (day or night). Baby #3 was the same. She cried non-stop all day. She was so wound up that she couldn't get to sleep all day. It was a quick 15 minute nap and then happy 5 minutes and then 2-3 hours fussing and repeat. Nights were not better. Lots of crying and waking.
I tried Babywise with #1 and #3. I tried various "cry it out" methods with #1 too (as recommended by friends). All we got was 3 hours of screaming and finally a bloody nose from the little guy whacking his nose on the crib rail and a baby who swallowed a gallon of air so that he cried even more in the night than ever before. I vowed that night that I would listen to my baby and not everyone else who tried to guarantee me sleep, glorious sleep.
Since then, the sleeping has not gone wondrously better. Right now I'm nursing a 10 month old who nurses for 3 hours every evening, and then still wakes up at least every 2 hours for the rest of the night. In yet, I'm doing better than I have with all of my other kids. I've learned that sleep isn't the best thing for us. Submitting to God's wills and ways is. Here's what I've learned:
(1) It's not always in the baby's best interest to sleep all night. According to Dr. Sears: "One thing we have learned during our years in pediatrics is that babies do what they do because they’re designed that way. In the case of infant sleep, research suggests that active sleep protects babies. Suppose your baby sleeps like an adult, meaning predominantly deep sleep. Sounds wonderful! For you, perhaps, but not for baby. Suppose baby had a need for warmth, food, or even unobstructed air, but because he was sleeping so deeply he couldn’t arouse to recognize and act on these needs. Baby’s well being could be threatened. It appears that babies come wired with infant sleep patterns that enable them to awaken in response to circumstances that threaten their well being. We believe, and research supports, that frequent stages of active (REM) sleep serve the best physiologic interest of babies during the early months, when their well being is most threatened."
(2) You can get by with much less sleep than you think. You'll have to up your vitamins and nutritional status, but you'll survive. Baby years are short. You can sleep later. If your mood isn't optimal, then working on refining that would be recommended. We all can't just say and act the way we want. Our house won't be the perfect way we want it. We then really need to rely on God's Word to show us how to act, think and what to say. We need Him to show us what to prioritize, what to let go. It comes down to self-control in so many ways. Working in the ER really taught me this (although I'm still learning this each day, and it's still not any easier!) Our patients were all vulnerable, scared, in pain, or on drugs so what came out of their mouths was often unpleasant. I had to learn not to take it personally, but instead treat them with dignity and respect even if they didn't deserve it. The same goes for our husband and children.
Colossians 3:23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; 24Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ. 25But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.(3) Lactational amenorrhea. Delay of periods signaling the return of fertility. God specifically designed our bodies so that while we're nursing (at night), we are free of periods and thus the chance of another baby. When we train our babies to sleep through the night, we cut off this advantage of rest on our bodies. The hormones that delay ovulation are the highest between 1 a.m and 6 a.m. so nursing at night is essential for this. Women have relied on it since the beginning of time, so let's trust that God knows what He's doing! I know for some women this is not true, but that is often because of underlying hormonal imbalances caused by our overtaxing world (sex hormones are filtered/stored/released through the liver and our world is full of people with toxic livers.) see my liver post here.
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding-eating/breastfeeding/faqs/breastfeeding-fertility
Galatians 6:7-9 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
In my years of sleepless nights, I learned to see beauty in it. With James, all I can remember was rocking him by the moonlight as we'd watch airplanes go by high in the sky endlessly. We also have a very close bond that I don't have with my other children. He and I have been through the fire together. I did lots of praying, singing hymns and had lots of quiet time in the wee hours of the night. I learned to be in tune with my babies rather than always relying on someone else's advice/books/self-help blogs. I learned to be confident that "Mama knows best". I learned compassion for others with various challenges. I learned to be flexible. I like to have systems and routines, but I've learned that it's okay to bend the rules. It makes everyone happier. I learned to stay home. And to like staying home even though I'm a doer and and a goer whenever the situation arises. I've learned to say no. I've learned that my kids do best at home (and that Grandma Kurtti was right when she told me that).
I used to continually pray for more sleep, but then I would get very frustrated that my prayer was never answered, when night after night I would just barely eke by. One friend who struggled with insomnia gave me the best advice for the lack of sleep. She said to change the direction of my prayer instead to "Lord, give me strength sufficient for the day". We all want super powers, endless energy, and to be able to get our to-do lists done each day. But parenting isn't like that. It's fits and starts, it's the tortoise rather than the hare. Being in tune with our children demands that we be adaptable and change our course many (hundred) times each day. It also means resting throughout the day if necessary.
As with almost all things, I try to think how women through the ages dealt with the same challenges I face. Instead of trying to be smarter than the past, I want to learn wisdom from the past. In times past, people didn't have furnaces to keep their houses warm all night, so waking up to feed a baby probably meant they stoked the fire too (a very important part of living in a climate that needs heat). People didn't have huge houses where they could shift their baby off to another area where they couldn't hear them crying as we can do today, thus any cry-it-out methods were likely not an option. The whole family lived in one room or 2 at best for the majority of time and space. Cribs, nurseries and such paraphernalia were only available to royalty, and for those elect few, it was highly unlikely that the royal family even cared for their own children. They also didn't have to deal with car seat crying and things like that that we are faced with today either. Their lives generally had more work but less distraction and options in so many ways, so I ponder how can we adjust this into today's schedule of our own lives.
It's probably all a wash in the end of the good and bad of it all, but we each must find what works best for our own family's situation, and be confident in that. There's so many opinions out there, that it's easy to get discouraged when our own baby isn't doing what we think everyone else's is! So, if you're struggling with waking up (or staying awake) much more than you think you can handle; be encouraged because good fruits will come of it, and you're a great mom!
As with almost all things, I try to think how women through the ages dealt with the same challenges I face. Instead of trying to be smarter than the past, I want to learn wisdom from the past. In times past, people didn't have furnaces to keep their houses warm all night, so waking up to feed a baby probably meant they stoked the fire too (a very important part of living in a climate that needs heat). People didn't have huge houses where they could shift their baby off to another area where they couldn't hear them crying as we can do today, thus any cry-it-out methods were likely not an option. The whole family lived in one room or 2 at best for the majority of time and space. Cribs, nurseries and such paraphernalia were only available to royalty, and for those elect few, it was highly unlikely that the royal family even cared for their own children. They also didn't have to deal with car seat crying and things like that that we are faced with today either. Their lives generally had more work but less distraction and options in so many ways, so I ponder how can we adjust this into today's schedule of our own lives.
It's probably all a wash in the end of the good and bad of it all, but we each must find what works best for our own family's situation, and be confident in that. There's so many opinions out there, that it's easy to get discouraged when our own baby isn't doing what we think everyone else's is! So, if you're struggling with waking up (or staying awake) much more than you think you can handle; be encouraged because good fruits will come of it, and you're a great mom!
