What I learned while working in the ER

I'm sure you all know by now that I once worked in the Emergency Room at 3 different hospitals.  From the time I was 15 when I went on a long road trip from Alberta to Minnesota to our church convention with a lady who was an ER nurse, I was intrigued.  She worked at a busy downtown Vancouver, B.C. hospital and I quizzed her relentlessly about her job on that trip.  There was only one problem.  I had declared that of all the jobs there were out there, a nurse was something I was NOT going to do.  I had been a candy striper at a hospital in Portland, OR the summer I was 14 while I was staying down here for the summer (my aunt worked at the same hospital, in the very next room, in fact).  I had thought all the old people were so slow and boring.  Who would want to take care of them all day?  

Anyhow, 10 years later, I signed up for LPN school since my other job had ended for the summer and I needed something to do.  A different aunt worked at the local community college and told me about a pilot LPN course being offered and the signups were the next day.  Akk!  I didn't even know what an LPN was.  Oh well.  I went to the testing and recall asking the girl next to me, "What's this test even about?  Science?  English?  Math?"  It turned out to be all three of those as well as an essay about why I wanted to be a nurse.  Well, I have to admit that my essay was all made up stories, because as we all know by now, I didn't want to be a nurse.  Instead, God wanted me there and orchestrated everything perfectly and I started college right away (the next week or so, if I remember right).

It all went fine until I had to take care of the old people in the nursing home.  I would cry on my way to clinicals and I would cry on my way home (because I felt so bad for them- so sick and lonely).  I would stumble through endless small talk with people who didn't talk back.  I would spoon feed dear old ladies who didn't know their own names anymore.  I still didn't know what I was doing there, but kept on doing it.  

We then moved our clinicals to acute care, where we got to go to the operating room and see surgeries and take care of the post-op people.  Now, this was getting better.  We got to bandage wounds, teach people about their surgery and help them heal and go home.  I started to love it.  And the more time I spent at the hospital, the more comfortable I got making small talk with so many strangers.  

When I graduated, I got a job as a float nurse in the Red Deer Regional Hospital, so I got to work on all the floors except maternity (no interest anyhow), pediatrics (no interest there either), ICU and ER.  Occasionally I would get sent down to the other floors if they were short staffed, but since the ER did not hire LPNs, I figured my chance of ever working there was nil.  Like totally 0%.

But, then something changed.  Somebody, somewhere decided that the ER needed Orthopedic Technicians to handle all the bone stuff.  And in Alberta, Ortho Techs are specialized LPNs.  I ran down as soon as I heard about it and let the manager know that I was very interested and applied for the job (and the specialized training) that day.  I was hired (much to the dismay of many RNs there who did not want us there- they were rather possessive of their ER) and loved that job.  I had to work extra hard to win the approval of several snarky RNs, but eventually they changed their minds.  They loved us (there were 3 of us hired).

Work was hard.  12 hour shifts and most days we'd see between 150-250 patients in a day.  I worked in the fast track area, which had 17 patients at a time, with constant turnover.  My sister said I'd be rattling off blood pressures and pulses in my sleep all night long.  I could barely climb the 5 stairs into my apartment when I'd get home.  But, I loved it.  This was where I was meant to be.  I loved fixing people up and sending them home.  I was not meant to be a long term care kind of nurse.  Or even a medical floor nurse.  I loved the broken bones and sutures most of all.

I worked there for 2 years before my friend (and now sis-in-law) Reidun and I moved to Alaska.  I then was not certified anymore (Alaska didn't recognize my license), so got a job as an Ward Clerk (secretary) and then ER tech in the local hospital in Palmer.  It was only 11 beds, but because we covered such a huge land area, we got all kinds of emergencies.  I loved it there as well.

When we got married, I got a job also as an ER tech at our local hospital in Mesa, AZ and worked there 2 more years until the week before Luke was born.  Mesa had totally different demographics than either of the other hospitals, because the median age was 76.  Yep, half of our patients were older than 76.  Lots of strokes, heart attacks, flu bugs, and pneumonia and plain old death was what we took care of.  Oh, here were those old people again!  By this time I was maturing and appreciated them much more, learning all kinds of wisdom from my time with them.  I still am not a long term care nurse kind of person, but do enjoy taking care of the elderly for short term spurts.

There are many people would would encourage their girls to "reach for the stars" in terms of a career.  That the only way for success is for many years of school and to have a degree to show.  The other extreme encourages girls to stay at home until they marry, whatever age that may be.  I feel both extremes are not practical nor healthy in the long term (although both may be the right thing for a small percentage of girls).  For me, God blessed me for many years by providing a way to minister to others, a decent paycheck and a flexible schedule that perfectly fit with my personality.  I was also completely ready to become a mom when the time was right and gave up my job quite nicely and have never looked back when it was time to turn life's page.  Trade school is so much cheaper and more practical for the majority of people, and avoids much of the pop psychology that universities are notoriously known for.  

By now it's been almost exactly 10 years since I quit my job at the last hospital, so I'm recalling the information that is still swimming around in my head.  My previous jobs really have helped me have a better marriage (better communication, less hurt feelings, more give & take), be a better parent (wisdom in "normal" children, recognizing abnormal, trusting my instincts) and be a more compassionate friend (patience in distress, calmness, compassion, better communication).  I value the vast number of skills I learned, as well as the various thousands of patients and coworkers that I met and interacted with over my 5 years in the ER and 3 years on the regular nursing floors before that.

Here's what I recall learning, in no particular order:

-how to swaddle and hold a kid down (for stitches or other procedures)

-the dangers of hormonal birth control/IUDs (blood clots, miscarriage, unintended pregnancy, IUD dislodging and perforating bowel, unintentional abortion). As a tech, I had to be a chaperone for any female issues where a male Dr. was in the room and saw this way more than I care to recall

-when a cut needs stitches and when super glue will do

-how to drain a smashed fingernail (red hot paper clip to melt the nail)

-what to look for in a head injury (vomiting once is normal, more than once is not, pupil dilation, etc.)

-fluid replacement ways/amounts with the flu (give 15 mL every 15 minutes)

-how common miscarriage is (1/3 of all pregnancies end in miscarriage)

-what alcohol/drugs/mental illness look like in their not-so-glamorous forms

-when and how to treat a fever (no treatment until 102*F or 38.5*C)

-the best doctors are not the ones that order tons of tests, the best ones use signs and symptoms for diagnosis (one of the best Dr.'s I worked with was from South Africa and said that 90%+ diagnosis should be from signs and symptoms).  Most testing is only for confirmation or proof in case of lawsuits.  Sadly, too many people think that diagnosis should come from expensive testing.

-vulnerability at its peak

-nervous breakdowns and what they look (and don't look) like

-mass disaster (tornado in Alberta, more below)

-CPR and what it really looks like, how effective it is, and how often you have to do it especially when you live in a retirement city (Mesa, AZ)

-Dr.'s don't know it all...always do your own research too

-when in doubt, get a second opinion

-suicide and various attempts (don't ever use Tylenol...it won't kill you and will just permanently damage your liver to make your life worse than ever)

-half of an ER Dr.'s salary goes to malpractice insurance.  Remember that next time you think they make too much money.  Half.

Situations that still stand out in my memory over this many years:

-Super glue should not be confused with Visine.  Ever.

-Hot wax dropped on a toddlers face from a mom waxing her legs.  And both parents fighting and blaming themselves for not watching her closely.

-Exotic romantic encounters often end embarrassingly.  I won't say more, but they do provide humor for ER staff.

-Drunk diabetics are a bad deal.  This guy had poor circulation and then was walking around barefoot and cut his foot almost off because he couldn't feel it when he stepped on a broken beer bottle.  He even cut it right through the bones and still didn't even know it.  Blood, blood and more blood.

-Severe asthma in a child that no one could get intubated.  Scary, scary...with her identical twin sister and dad in the family room praying and praying for her, and the huge relief when she came back healthy a few days later after recovering from her attack.

-Esophageal varices (bleeding sores of the esophagus typically from alcohol) & religion.  A man came in who was a closet alcoholic and a Jehovah's Witness with severe bleeding in his esophagus.  His pastor encouraged him to keep refusing all blood products (as true to their religion), but as soon as the pastor left, the patient requested them (knowing that he would die without them, considering the amount of blood lost through his severe bleeding).  It was interesting to see what happens when push comes to shove.

-Alcoholism.  The damage to physical bodies, lives (drunk driving), families, homes...not worth the risk).

-Death of a child.  I only witnessed 2 in all my years, but they are forever embedded in my mind and heart- one was the son of one of our Dr.'s who passed out on the playground at school (he had a known heart condition) and passed away peacefully.  The other was a 3 year old boy in Alaska who died from dehydration from the flu.  His parents failed to bring him in until it was almost too late, due to sexual and physical abuse in the home (as witnessed by his little body when we were working on trying to resusitate him).  We worked on him for a full 2 hours (which is much longer than normal) because of the enormity of the whole situation.  His parents were completely distraught and flailing around and screaming on the floor, and his siblings had to be confiscated due to the obvious signs of abuse (this was the only time CPS was ever called in all my years working), and then we had to wrap up that poor little dead body that endured more pain than any child should ever, ever have to endure.  It still brings tears to my eyes and pain in my heart when I think back to that situation.  I could hardly even take care of any children (other than minor injuries) after that for the rest of my years working as I would just get totally weak and lose my focus.  Drowning in children was also very common in Arizona, which is why we'll never have a pool at our house.

-Head/neck injuries from trampolines are the most common cause of quadriplegics in children.  Which is why we will never own one of them either, fun as they are.  Also, quad/4-wheelers cause so much injury and death in children because any Joe without any skill, agility or strength can ride them.  To quote another ER nurse, "quads kill kids, dirt bikes break their limbs".  Dirt bikes are so much lighter and require actual skill to ride that they are a much better choice.  Sorry to my own kids for the lack of pleasure toys we'll ever own!

-Tornado.  A massive tornado went through a 500 space RV park near Red Deer, AB the week after I started my first ER job.  70 people were killed and if I remember right, we triaged and treated about 200 people that evening.  It was a totally eery, phenomenal experience.  The hospital disaster plan worked amazingly well, and everything ran smoothly.  The way the community came together was wonderful as well.   

-IV practice.  When I lived in Alaska, the ER techs start the IVs.  To get practice, they would let me practice on the drunks that the police had found and brought in for sobering up (can't leave them on the streets in such cold weather, so we got them).  Lots of practice on a Friday or Saturday night!

-Suicide.  We saw many attempts and many deaths. The one that stands out the most was when a man hung himself on Father's Day, and his wife and daughter found him.  So sad.  Drug deaths were also hard especially when the family was unaware of a drug problem.

-When a husband/wife won't die.  We saw this various times when either (a) a spouse would try to kill off their husband/wife by overmedicating them intentionally or (b) when a patient wanted treatment to live and their husband/wife would not want treatment causing them to die.  Sad situations where usually someone wanted a life insurance claim.

-When stomach cramps=having a baby.  The awkwardness of not knowing you're pregnant and you think you have the flu when in fact you are having a baby.  And how to tell your boyfriend (who is not the father, by the way) who is sleeping in the car...

-A man with a head injury who wouldn't stop rambling off to everyone and anyone how amazing his wife is.  Apparently he was a super quiet guy who never said that type of thing.  To anyone.  Not even his wife. She was loving hearing it all!

-When you wear a down (feather) coat and your car stalls on the railroad tracks and you get hit by the train and then you miraculously are still alive and they take you to the ER on a spine board and wherever you go, a trail of feathers follows you.  Good chuckles like that make the hard job worthwhile.

-When you go to the ER for yet another ovarian cyst after many (7+) years of infertility and pain, and when they do an ultrasound the first thing to show up on the screen is a 5-months-along size kicking baby.  And you get see him/her wiggling about.  And it isn't a cyst after all.  And there's not a dry eye in the room. And it's the week before Christmas.  And life is just amazingly beautiful!

Lessons from Mom

Since it was recently Mother's Day, I was thinking about what the most important things that my Mom taught me were.  I was putting it all together with some other thoughts from a book I recently read called What Your Childhood Memories Say About You (by Kevin Leman).  In my memories, I have very few of my Mom.  Like hardly any at all.   In yet I know she was there for me every day growing up, and that much of who I am was shaped by the things she instilled into me.

I tried to find a picture from when my Mom was about my age.  Here she is probably at about 37, since I look to be about 12.

The one memory that stands out above all all the rest was when I was in 5th grade.  Our class was going camping for our field trip, and we had to choose groups of who we wanted in our tents.  This was quite exciting to get to go camping with our friends and get to stay together in a tent by ourselves.  The freedom!  The thrill of being without parents! (although my parents did come along as chaperones)  Anyhow, when I came home from school to tell my Mom about it, she asked, "Do all the girls have a tent to stay in?  Is anyone left out?"  I sheepishly replied that Samantha (the geeky new girl) didn't.  Mom told me that the next day I would go back to school and ask Samantha to stay with me and my friends in our tent.  I was mortified.  I know that I cried and begged her not to make me do this.  Oh, the humiliation!  But, she was firm and said that if I didn't do it, she would come to school and ask her herself.  Now, that would have been even worse, so I did as she told me and asked Samantha to join me and my friends in our tent.

We then (at school) had heard that Samantha's grandma was coming along as a chaperone also.  I remember making jokes (I maybe didn't make them up myself, but participated in joking about it) about her grandma in her wheelchair and laughing hysterically.  When the camping trip finally came, Samantha's grandma was there with her truck and camper and was maybe like 50 years old.  When it poured down rain, everyone else in the class was stuck in their soaking wet tents and our tent of girls was warm and dry, drinking hot cocoa and eating popcorn by the furnace in Samantha's grandma's camper.

That was a really profound lifelong lesson for me, because I learned that doing the right thing will reap blessings (not always in the way you even anticipate), and actually spending time with people will help you get to know them for who they really are.  I remember Samantha's grandma calling us her friends and feeling guilty about what we'd said behind her back.  

Samantha left our school shortly after, so we weren't able to get to be close friends.  I recently learned as an adult that she (and her sister) were living with their grandparents at that time because her parents' were getting divorced and so I think about how hard that must have been for her.  To have to move to a new home and new school and then have kids make fun of her for really no reason except that she was new.  How horrible kids can be.   I wish I had stood up for her more and had done so sooner.

Anyhow, further on through my growing years, my Mom always made sure we welcomed the newcomers or outcasts or underdogs.  Whether at church or school or on vacation, she always made sure we "made others feel welcome".  Even those cute 20 year old Finn boys that were working for my Dad.  Ugh.  She made shy little me (15) go out and visit with them when I would have rather clipped my toenails.  Or the exchange students at school that no one wanted to be friends with (what a horrible torture to send your kids overseas when they can't even speak English).  She'd always say, "How would you like it if you were the newcomer?"

I have now been the newcomer many times.  And for an introvert like myself, it's not very fun, unless someone steps out and makes you feel welcome.  I'm still not very good at reaching out myself, but I still try.

Because those words of Mom still echo in my head, "How would you like it if you were the newcomer?  Go and make them feel welcome!"  And now I tell my own kids the very same thing (and they roll their eyes and pretend they didn't hear me).

Me rock rappelling on that same camping trip at age 10.  I was the first kid in the class to try it.  Everyone else was too scared, but once I went, then others did.

Next stage, next moves

One thing that I am excited (and very nervous) about is the kids growing older and entering the next stages.  Recently three different times I've had a long drive with just the 2 older boys and we've had such good visits.  I guess because there are usually the little kids around, it's hard to get past just the ordinary talk that goes on in a day.  I try to bring up specific subjects that I want to cover with them or answer questions at meal times, but it seems that these sporatic unplanned conversations prove much more fruitful.  One of my cousins recently mentioned that she has always loved it when her kids hit about 8 years old, because then you can start having real conversations with them and seeing their true personalities developing.  I have to agree, although I'm just starting this stage so am not sure of the end results yet!

Another great time I've found for talking is when the kids are in bed and the lights are out.  Kids just seem to open up and share whatever is on their mind so we can talk things through.  In daylight hours, this just doesn't happen.  This is hard to accomplish when you have a baby that nurses all evening, so I'm relieved when I can get back to spending a bit of time with the older kids at night now that she's not so needy.  We also let one kid stay up "late" on the weekend nights to get some alone time with Dad and Mom, but usually deep conversations don't happen at that time.

So then I've also wondered how to ensure I'm covering the "needed" bases for each age group as well as how to cover specific potentially awkward subjects, so I have been reading a few books to give me some insight.  It seems that most potentially hazardous subjects should be covered between the ages of 10-12.  This is when the child is old enough to understand the moral, emotional, & physical aspects of the different topics, but before the hormones kick in to alter their views on them (possibly younger for girls, depending on their maturity).  And physical maturity does not equal emotional maturity.  A 10 year old is still a 10 year old.  This is where parental influence is of utmost importance.  Lots of talking and lots of listening time.  Most kids will have their views for their whole teenage years solidified by the time they are 12, which is why it's important to cover these subjects before you think you have to, rather than after the fact.  Also, for any of these subjects, you likely would rather the kids hear the information from you rather than the tweaked versions that they may hear from their friends.  This also gives the opportunity to share your Biblical moral input on the subject rather than just "the facts".  Most often, the first introduction a kid has to any subject will be the one that sticks the longest (for good or for bad).  

Judging your child's personality comes into play as well.  Since our oldest is pretty quiet, approaching these subjects alone with him makes him rather awkward.  Having his younger quizzical brother along has helped open up much more discussion, as well as making some of the difficult subjects easier to tackle, even though younger brother is a bit young for some of the topics yet.  

Sauna time has proven to be a good time for me to talk to our daughter about some of the issues that she'll face with modesty, privacy vs. openness, body image, etc.  I tend to be more open than many Chrisitan families are about all the body image stuff, just from my life guarding and nursing and sauna-taking back ground.  To me, a body is a body.  Everyone has one.  No need to flaunt it, but no need to hide it either (within reason of course- during swimming, in locker rooms, etc.). Kind of a mix between the European freedom and common sense.  Not dressing to attract attention or accentuate ourselves, but not dressing to hide or be ashamed either.  It's definitely a fine line of judgement, but thankfully we have many years to teach this lifetime skill.

Along with the Meg Meeker books I've already listed in previous posts, these are the other two books I read recently.  Passport2Purity is a complete curriculum that also comes highly recommended for the 12+ kids.  Any more books/materials you can recommend?  Or ways to approach these important matters?  

Guardians of Purity by Julie Hiramire

A Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey with Your Kids About Sex by Kevin Leman, PhD.

Celeste turns 1

On Valentine's Day, Celeste turned 1.  I love that milestone.  The first year is always pretty hard, so turning 1 means that things calm down a bit in the attention department (giving baby attention, that is).  Baby is more independent (able to soothe/entertain herself) a bit more on car trips, in the grocery store, in church and other places where it can get stressful if a baby is crying.  And we get kind of tired of staying home so much that first year because we're either too tired to do anything, or we don't want to venture more than an hour from home due to the car seat/crying business.  Going to Portland is a big deal when you have a baby that cries the whole way both directions.  So, turning 1 is huge.

Celeste has been quite a climber.  She's up on the chairs (and hence, the table) often, and loves digging in stuff too.  She loves her Dada and is often heard yelling though the house, "Daaaaaa!"  Even if she only hears the back door slam, she'll run over there, sure that it is Dada coming in/home.  Mom is great too, just not as exciting as Dad! 

 For her birthday, we happened to be in Arizona on our trip, so she got some black bottom cupcakes to try out.  Super yum!  And then we flew home on her actual day, so the kids kept telling her, "You're lucky, you get a Disneyland and a plane ride for your birthday!"  I don't think she appreciated our efforts!  Haha!

 This one is in the Arizona desert when we were hiking.  She was trying so hard to drink out of that water bottle, although she didn't really know how.  Cutie pie!

 This one is in our hotel at Disneyland.  I love how her hair floufs up like that.

 This is from her 1 year pictures I tried to take.  But, she wouldn't smile no matter what, so this is what we got.  The Easter one below is better.

 I have a picture of each of the kids at about this age sitting in the dishwasher.  They just love it, so I let them each sit there once.  Just once.  

Easter Sunday 

Birthday girl again.

Isaac turns 3

Now, this little guy turned 3 last September, but I kept forgetting to write about him.  He is our little entertainer, and has us all wrapped around his little grubby finger!  Isaac loves anything red or with Mickey Mouse associated with it, and has a hard time deciding if he's a big boy or a little boy.  We've told him it's okay to be a big boy sometimes, and a little boy at others.  He loves to try to keep up with the older kids, but he just doesn't have the capabilities yet in some areas.  He did get his own scooter last fall, so has been busy on that whenever he can, as well as getting to be an expert on his bike too.  The training wheels are still on, but likely could come off any time now.

 He's been quite sad that he has to wait until September for his birthday, as all of the other kids have spring birthdays.  That waiting just takes for-ever!  He also loves it when I read to him, especially the Eloise Wilkin classic "Little Timmy" (I insert his name instead of Timmy and he smiles from cover to cover).  He loves building things (Legos, Tinkertoys) and playing with toy cars and building equipment.  Lately he's been loving all his farm implements and needs a bull from Wilco (the farm store) to go with his cows and calves.  I'm thinking a trip to Grandpa's farm may be on the wish list for this summer as well.

 He tells us plenty of stories every day, most of which we can barely understand due to his lack of consonants.  (He's starting speech therapy this week, so hopefully we won't miss out on so many of his thoughts because they are just so cute!)  He loves mushrooms and so he gladly eats all of his sibling's for them and they're quite happy to let him.

Isaac is also quite scared of dogs, but is working on getting braver.  On the weekend we were at some friends' house and there was an old dog there and he actually petted it.  Yay!  Hopefully the days of Jughead leaping into Archie's arms when he sees Big Ethel kind of fears are winding down. That's the picture I get in my head when he sees a dog!

One of the cute things he said (of many, most of which I can't remember) was when one of the older kids was getting a Fisherman's Friend cough drop.  He wanted one and I told him, "Oh, you wouldn't like them, they're nasty."   He replied in a crying whine, "But I love nasty!"  Needless to say, he got one to try and ate it down quite proudly.  

Lately, he's been on a necktie kick.  He even clips one on his pajamas at night to sleep with it on too.  As Greg was helping him one night, the tie broke and Isaac was heartbroken.  The next day Greg was running some errands and picked up a new shirt/tie for him and oh, did we have a happy boy.  He wore them for the next few days until I wouldn't let him anymore for they were so dirty.  He even slipped on some freshly mown grass in it, so I had some deep stain treating to do!  But, the stains came out and he was back to wearing his new shirt and tie again.  What a cutie!  I feel so blessed to be his mommy! 

Homemade Italian or Ranch Dressing

We're ranch dressing lovers in this family, and since titanium dioxide (and others) aren't ingredients that we care to ingest if we don't have to, I embarked on a homemade ranch recipe.  I had quite a few un-successes (since a certain husband is a Hidden Valley type of guy) with flavor and also texture on my homemade versions of ranch.  I knew it could be done, as I have tasted fabulous homemade ranch that different friends have made.  After years of trying, tweaking, dumping and shaking; I'll share our version.

First you make the spice mix.  Store it in a jar and then use it for Italian seasoning, Italian dressing or Ranch.  It works great for any of them.

Italian Spice Mix (like Good Seasons- 2 T. = 1 package)
2 T. (each) garlic powder, onion powder, parsley
4 T. oregano, salt
2 t. pepper, basil
1/2 t. thyme, celery salt
~Mix all together and store in a jar.

This mixture is yummy on chicken, as a meatloaf seasoning, in spaghetti, in pizza crust (with dough or the cauliflower one), on my Greek tacos, and more.

Italian Dressing
1/4 c. white vinegar
2/3 c. oil
2 T. water
2 T. Italian spice mix
~Shake all together in a jar.

Ranch Dressing
1 c. sour cream or yogurt (or mayo if you don't have those)
1 c. buttermilk or plain kefir
a bit of mayo (2-3 T.)
1 heaping teaspoon Italian spice mix
~Add all the ingredients to one of those ranch shakers (like Tupperware sells) or a jar with lid, and thin more if it's too thick.

It's best made the day before so that the flavors spread throughout, although we often make it right when we need it (as life these days goes!)  You can use more mayo than that if you want, but I've found if I don't use any mayo, then it gets all separated and yucky even if it's not gone bad.  You just want 2 c. in the end.  Adjust more or less spice mixture if you want.

Here's a link for a non-dairy homemade ranch that I've made also.  (You must let it sit 10 minutes as it says...ask me how I know!)  http://silk.com/recipes/ranch-dressing

Various thoughts and ideas of the day

1)  A baby year goes by much faster when it isn't spent dealing with crying and not sleeping.  Now that Celeste is 1, it seems like this year has pleasantly flown by.  It might have something to do with the 5-kids-now aspect too, but each day hasn't been spent dreading the night and walking the floors.  I think I walked the floors with her fussing a total of 2 times in her whole first year.  With the other kids it was at least 5/7 nights a week for months.  She still has only slept through the night twice (once being last week and the other was last night from midnight until 7 a.m.), so that's the next step.  She can climb onto chairs and tables now, and destroy anything she wants in a pretty short time period, so isn't left unattended for too long.   Thankfully there are 2 parents and 4 big kids keeping an eye on her so somebody's always watching (another blessing of lots of kids!)

2)  Sometimes you can have all sorts of plans and wishes and dreams and the answer comes to just keep on plugging away at the same old thing you're already doing again and again.  And that's okay, it's even quite a relief. Recently we've been exploring the option of selling our house and moving to a "better" place (that has a shop or room for one, that can accomodate my aunt when she sells her house in a few years, that isn't quite so hilly for gardening and animal purposes).  We prayed about a clear answer as for what we should do and started moving towards getting the process going.  We looked at a few houses (just drove by and looked in windows since they were empty) and also some property (would bare land be a cheaper option?) and then prayed and pondered about it.  During this time, Greg was having a rough day so had gone to town to have some quiet time and happened upon an all wheel drive lawn mower.  He didn't buy it, but wanted to, so came home to tell me about it.  Our hilly, bumpy, quack-grassy yard has been a huge headache ever since we moved here.  Last summer it even went 6 weeks without any mowing because we were too overwhelmed by it and we had a little baby that just got priority.  Always.  

After discussing this new mower idea, we headed over to the store and bought it.  It is amazing!  It just walks up and down all of our hills and Greg had the whole yard mowed in very little time.    When he got finished mowing, he says, "well, now I kind of want to just stay living here because this lawn is finally doable."  This is the 5th mower we've tried on the lawn, so it's not for lack of trying.  One small push mower that we wore right out did mediocre, a riding mower, a brush hog type, and a self-propelled one from my aunt after my uncle passed away.  All of them could not do near what we needed them to do, so Greg would end up weed whacking most of the yard.  Ugh.  This new mower just climbs over all the hills without hesitation.  

By this time we had crunched the numbers to see what would be the cheapest of all of the options.  Buying similar to ours but on flatter ground, buying bare land and building as we could afford, bare land with a used manufactured home or just staying where we are and cracking down on paying it off.  The last option won out by a long shot, so we're trying to get "gazelle intense" about it again.  It seems like such a good idea, but it's also very easy to lose motivation when the amount owed is quite large.  Having the resolve to just stay the course is needed and I know we'll be glad we did in the end.

3)  I love my husband for these types of things.  Common sense about money.  Exploring options and then wisely choosing the most sensible one (even if it isn't the most exciting or fun one).  Talking the ideas through instead of just jumping the gun and then regretting it (we did come up with some outlandish ideas of how to save money and still get the house we want/need).  For realizing and recognizing that we're never going to be high dollar people.  We are the slow and steady kind and likely always will be.  And we're okay with that.  

As we were driving down the free way the other day we were driving by a Tesla car.  We admired it as we cruised by in our 1992 station wagon and then Greg noticed that it was his boss's wife from his old job.  He then commented, "I'm so glad we don't live with the intensity that it takes to own a ($100,000) car like that.  It wears me out just thinking about the stress level that job had."  One of his old boss's favorite sayings was "stay with me and you'll retire rich."  But is the stress level worth that?  We can't see that it is.  On the other extreme is a neighbor we talked to recently.  He bragged about how he works for the railroad now and how well it pays and how little he has to work (and everyone else too) and how it's a "retirement job" because of the pension.  When we left I asked Greg, "Has he no pride?" and Greg said that he pitied the lack of manliness about him.  I'm so thankful for a manly husband who works hard for our family, but not so hard that he's manic about it in the pursuit of retiring rich.

4)  Raising girls.  They're complex.  I have no answers and feel like a failure most days in most areas.  Probably all things if I really sat down and thought about it.  Praying for some answers, or at least some confidence that I'm on the right track.  Or some books that might help.  There's lots of dad/daughter books out there, but I haven't found many mom/daughter ones.  The everyday stuff.  The special stuff. I just feel like I'm failing them in all points.  And now that I have 2 of them, I feel the burden even stronger than I did with just 1, although it's also gotten easier in that I can take them both to girl functions where before Elise never wanted to go alone with me anywhere ("I'll be bored with just you, Mom."  Uh, thanks.)

In a book I'm reading, a mom states how your heart will break seeing your daughter go through all the things that you went through yourself so the main need is to listen to their fears, hopes and dreams and share what you've learned along the way.  Then, when the time is right, prepare to let them go.  But, you'll always be their safe place.  I hope I can do that for my girls (and my boys, but that's a different story).

5)  Wrestling is going well.  3 weeks in and Luke and James are getting stronger and figuring it all out.  I love that they get a good workout (that I could never get them to do at home) and that they're learning new skills.  Luke is not athletic at all, so it's a challenge for him.  I'm not sure if he struggles because his body just doesn't know how to do the exercises, or that he's just lazily going through the motions because he prefers other pursuits (books, crafts/building things) or that he just gives up too easily.  Which ever way it is, he is enjoying it and will learn something, I'm sure.  James on the other hand is just taking off.  He spent the whole school wrestling season watching and learning and he's so excited to put it all into some action.  He may be small, but he makes up for it in determination and stamina.  When we head home, both boys are completely exhausted from the 2 1/2 hours of working out.  They do 1 hour of exercise and the rest of it is wrestling.  This extracurricular stuff is a new venture for us.  Hopefully we can keep it within our family set parameters as we go along (whole family time, not intruding on Bible Study or other church function time, etc.)

6) I can't believe I'm almost 40 years old and I've lived without a lazy Susan spice spinner all these years.  Both my mom and mother-in-law have them and though I've wanted one, it was never enough to actually remember to go and buy one.  I just kept my spices in little bins in the cupboard which worked, but not really well.  Recently I found one at a thrift store (double decker even) for $0.55 and couldn't pass it up.  It fits all of the needed spices and extracts and just smoothly spins as needed.  Yay!  I also bought a single layer one ($0.55 also) for one on the table (because the kids said that their friends have one and it is SUCH a great idea) but with a one year old who can now climb on chairs, it's not such a great idea for now.  Celeste climbs up on the chair, reaches over and gives it a big, fun spin which spews all the contents over the table and floor.  Salt, pepper, Tabasco and prayer jar/sticks everywhere.  Maybe in a year or two we'll bring it back out.  It's amazing all those little things that make your day go more smoothly.  Next up...coffee/tea cupboard organization needed.

Until next time...

Seafood Chowder

This is another family favorite.  It's my aunt Becky's recipe and she can be found at many Kurtti family functions in the kitchen stirring a big pot of it.

Seafood Chowder

1 med. onion, diced
4 celery stalks, diced
2 T. oil/butter
4 large potatoes, peeled and diced
2 large cans evaporated milk
3 cans minced clams with juice
3-4 fillets white fish, cut into bite size pieces
1 lb. precooked shrimp
1 small pkg. smoked salmon
2 t. salt
pepper to taste
2 T. flour
1 t. dill weed or sprigs of fresh dill
water

Sauté onion and celery in oil until transparent.  Add potatoes and clams (including juice), salt and pepper.  Add water just to cover.  Bring to boil and simmer about 10 min. until potatoes are al dente.  Add evaporated milk and white fish.  Simmer 10 min.  Remove some liquid and thicken with the flour.  Return thickened liquid to chowder and simmer 5 more minutes.  Add shrimp and smoked salmon and allow to heat thoroughly.  Add more salt if needed.  Stir in dill.  Serves 10.  This recipe was adapted from Grandma Kurtti's original clam chowder recipe that she made in high school home economics, I've substituted smoked salmon for bacon.
(Kurtti Family cookbook page 32)

This would also be good with scallops and/or crab added to it too/instead of other fish.

The Power of One

Well, I spoke too soon.  Monday finished off with 3/5 kids crying at most times, a new soup for supper which ended up being too spicy for most palates (saved with globs of pantry applesauce inserted to tone it down), the rest of piano lessons gone wrong, a crabby baby who hit her mouth on the edge of the rebounder and her teeth went right through her bottom lip.  It would have been an ER visit, but I got her to sleep and put a dab of super glue on it and it looks great now.  Mouth injuries heal so fast on the inside, so I was only worried about the outside closing up nicely.  A trip to town would have been rather unpleasant, considering the time of day and mood she was in.  Any-old-who...here's the topic for today...

In reading the book Simplicity Parenting, one of the groups of toys he says to get rid of was anything with "multiples".  He claimed that often a child likes something so first he gets one, then another, then another and so on.  I know this to be true, but didn't quite think that I had to get rid of all multiples.  It's been a few weeks and here's what I've concluded.

Back when Luke and James were train lovers, we got them their first trains for Christmas one year.  Luke got Gordon and his tender, James got Henry and his tender.  Those boys played with those 2 trains happily from dawn to dusk for ages.  They had the greatest imaginations with them, making up imaginary tracks everywhere and never tired of fun with those 2 engines and tenders.  Over time we accumulated more engines, more track, a crane, the roundhouse and various other paraphernalia to add to their "set" (as it was now named).  They played with it in more controlled settings; insisting that the track had to be perfectly put together, the rules more defined (they were also getting older so this was part of it too) and their imaginations with the cars were not as fantabulous.  And everytime they played, all I heard was "more, more, more".  "We need _____ (engine)" or "I wish we had _____(piece of equipment)".  The satisfaction level went down and down, the more pieces they acquired.  I know part of this was the novelty wearing off and the interest level reducing over time, but part of it was just the attitude of never being satisfied with what we have (us adults do this too, don't we?)

Elise (on the other hand) has just one Cinderella doll, and she plays with it quite often.  She'll mention that she wants some of the other princesses to go with it, but I know that would spoil Cinderella's special-ness. She also has a few Strawberry Shortcake dolls and wants more of them also.  When I have bought her more for a gift of something, all I hear is "now I need _______(another one that she doesn't have yet).  When I was a girl, I had one Lemon Meringue doll, a Herself-the-Elf doll and one Barbie (Peaches and Cream Barbie).  I think of some of my cousins/friends who had many of each of these (or Cabbage Patch Kids or Care Bears or Smurfs or whatever) and they didn't appreciate what they had.  They just always wanted/needed more.  I probably wanted more too, but since I knew I wasn't going to get them, I just played with the few I had.  Lots of good memories with those dolls that I did have.  I recently changed my answer to Elise from "maybe someday" to "when Celeste gets big then we can get her a princess doll so you two can play together."  This has actually made her more happy than continually waiting for the day when she can have her own next princess doll.

Now to pare down those accumulating Legos (Luke and James) and Mickey stuff (Isaac) for the boys...there's a job in itself!  I know that if I just slowly do it over time, it'll be worth it in the long run.  There's just no need for 10,000 Legos and still dreaming about more.  Cars is another area to pare down.  Last time I told them they could each keep 20 (x4 kids=80 cars) but somehow you would have thought I was trying to kill them.  I think we actually only got rid of maybe 10 and kept at least 100.  Huh?  100 cars?  Ridiculous!  And I haven't bought any of these, by the way.  They either buy them with their hard earned money or they have received them as gifts. 

I'm not sure what to let them spend their money on, if they can't buy toys or other junk to clutter up our house (and I dissuade candy). Apples?  Cheese sticks?  Hmm.  Kids need to spend money every now and then, otherwise there's no incentive in earning it.  Finding out what to spend it on though, that is the question.  I did try to talk James into taking us all swimming the other day when he was bragging about his riches, but he wasn't too keen on that.  I'll have to keep brainstorming!

Random Mondayness

It has actually been a pretty good Monday.  My good Mondays are probably very different from most peoples, but I count even the minute-est things that run smoothly a bonus.

I got up an hour early.  Because Celeste got up an hour early and none of the other kids were up, it forced me to get up too, since a 1 year old left unattended in a house by herself is just asking for a disaster.

I had rice pudding for breakfast and it was already made.  We are really low on groceries due to a Costco trip (more on that later) so I made rice pudding with almond and coconut milk (no regular milk in the house either) in the slow cooker overnight.  I made a quick blackberry sauce to put over it and voila!

We actually practiced piano lessons the day before our lesson.  That is a first as usually I'm working with the kids ON the morning of our lesson.   Yes, this should be done every day so things are practiced for the new lesson, but this is how things go in our house right now.  We're lucky to be getting TO lessons and that we have found A teacher in Kalama.  One small step at a time!

I read poetry to the children.  Me, who lacks ability to appreciate most poetry, took a big step and read some for our reading time this morning.  We started with nursery rhymes and ended with some longer ones about spring from Childcraft book #1 (Poems and Rhymes).  Whew.  Should be good for another few months.  Thankfully Luke and James told me that they have both read through that whole book on their own time, so that warmed my heart.  They were more familiar with some of them than I was.  Another plus for having good books in the house and quiet reading-on-their-own time each day.

Long division and reducing fractions are starting to make sense to the 4th grader.  Borrowing is catching on with the 2nd grader.  Elise was bored in her reading lessons (as usual, no matter how interesting the books we read are) although her penmanship is fabulous.  Isaac was busy building stuffed animal houses out of boxes and Celeste was busy pestering/distracting the big kids throughout (stealing pencils, climbing on chairs and then tipping over, needing Mom while she's trying to teach, etc.)   Things are looking up!

My throw-together salad from the pantry for lunch was actually good (I'm horrible at winging it and usually they flop)  Mini macaroni, canned chicken and a can of fruit cocktail (more pantry staples) with a bit of mayo.  The kids gobbled it up.

Celeste took her nap early (because she got up so early), so now at quiet time she's wandering the house looking for disasters to create.  I think we'll have to get outside for a walk today instead.  It was pouring rain during our normal walking time, so now later when we should be reading (and it's sunny) we should get outside.  Pent up energy from kids in the day leads to fighting and too much craziness in the evenings.

Here's the Costco story.  We tried it again on Friday.  7 items = $70.  That will just not do the budget any good.  The crowds were horrendous (every till was open, lines at all of them).  I know, now people will probably tell me that Friday isn't a good day at Costco either, so what day is?  Here's the math from one item.  Normally a brick of Tillamook cheese is 2 lbs for $6.50 (at Winco).  At Costco, you get 2.5 lbs for $7.99.  The added 1/2 lb is added to the side rather than the end, so you eat a bit more with every slice and your brick is gone in the same amount of time as a 2 lb brick.  If that extra 1/2 lb was added to the length, then at least you'd get a few more slices out of a larger brick, but this way, you do not.  I don't know of anyone who would take the time to slice their cheese thinner to make up for the added width on each slice.  They just have to go and buy more at the same rate they would with a 2 lb brick.  Make sense?  So, I don't think we'll be heading back there any time soon.  To quote my sister's neighbor, "You eat really good for a week and then starve the rest of the month because your grocery budget is gone."  Yes, indeed!  Hence the beans and macaroni and all the other canned food I'm using up because I spent way too much at Costco (buying only things like cheese, peanut butter, bacon, butter, coffee, etc).  Sigh.  Back to WinCo we go.  I am going to try Amazon Prime for my pantry stuff this month though, as we have that now... I will keep you posted how that goes.

Curried Lentil Soup with Dried Cherries and Cilantro

I found this recipe in a Martha Stewart magazine as I was wanting more uses for lentils.  The red lentils have a much different flavor than brown ones, and I really love them.  I use dried cranberries in place of cherries since I usually have them in the house.  I've also used garam masala spice mix rather than the curry powder and that flavor is excellent too.  You can also just buzz the soup with an immersion blender rather than straining it.  It's fine without doing that too.

Curried Lentil Soup with Dried Cherries and Cilantro

INGREDIENTS

• 2 teaspoons oil
• 3 tablespoons finely chopped peeled ginger (from a 2-inch piece)
• 6 garlic cloves, finely chopped (2 tablespoons)
• 1 large shallot, finely chopped (4 tablespoons)
• 2 carrots, finely diced (about 1 cup)
• 2 teaspoons curry powder
• Coarse salt
• 3/4 cup unsweetened coconut milk
• 1 cup red lentils
• 1/3 cup chopped dried cherries
• 3 tablespoons finely chopped cilantro stems, plus 3 tablespoons cilantro leaves for garnish

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add ginger, garlic, shallot, and carrots and cook, stirring often, until softened, about 7 minutes. Add curry powder and cook, stirring, until fragrant, about 1 minute.
2. Add 1 1/4 teaspoons salt, 1/2 cup coconut milk, 4 cups water, and the lentils, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until lentils and carrots are tender, 8 to 10 minutes. Pour 2 cups soup through a fine sieve into a bowl, reserving solids. Puree strained liquid with remaining soup in a blender until smooth. Reheat after blending. Stir in reserved solids.
3. Reserving some for garnish, stir cherries and cilantro stems into soup, and ladle into bowls. Swirl in remaining 1/4 cup coconut milk, and garnish with cherries and cilantro leaves.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   http://www.marthastewart.com/1050570/curried-red-lentil-soup-dried-cherries-and-cilantro

Boys Should Be Boys - Book Review

Here is another gem from Meg Meeker, M.D.  Highly recommend if you have boys to raise.  I'll recap here a few of the highlights I took from it, but the whole book is definitely worth your time.

-God is necessary and matters to all boys.  It provides them with an anchor, an ultimate authority, a sense of purpose and a way to place themselves in the world/cosmos.  Having a moral framework is essential, and a belief in God is the start of that.  Capitalize on your child's receptivity when they're small.  Teach them your beliefs and give them that moral foundation whether you think they're old enough to understand or not.  When they're hormonal teens, you'll be glad you did. Boys love God because he always cares.  They love him because he's strong and powerful, and he's a hero.  They love right and wrong, good guys and bad guys.   Boys often refer to God as a good combination of loving like their mom, but stern like their dad.  They also like His invisible, omnipotent powers (the best kind of super-hero).  

-Teaching healthy views of sex is crucial, age appropriately from a young age.  To have a well rounded sexuality, one must have a solid framework.  This means not avoiding the subject, but instead teaching them about the boundaries, feelings, spiritual aspects of all matters involved (avoiding sin, not yielding to temptation, worldly influences, etc.)  Our boys know what is right/wrong, and we must encourage them do act/think/live in those ways.  Sexual energy is no different from intellectual, physical or mental energy- it must be acknowledged, addressed, harnessed and mastered.

-Boys need real people for emotional connections with parents and friends.  Virtual and electronic ones do not count as the boy is in control (he can log off or turn it off if things don't go his way).  With real friends, he learns sympathy, empathy, problem/resolution, give & take.  All of these things will help him mature into a healthy man someday.

-Handwrite notes to your son.  There is nothing like the personal words of someone you love writing especially for you in their individual handwriting.  Your son can reread these notes over and over in times of self-doubt and worry.  Have both parents do this for each child.  Typed ones just don't have the same impact (another great reason to teach kids cursive!)

-Boys act on their feelings, real men don't.  They do the right thing.  Help transition boys into men but recognize that this is a process and should be age appropriate.  You can't expect an 8 year old to act like a man, because he's an 8 year old.  Another difference between boyhood and manhood is perseverance.  Boys cop out, men persevere.  Teaching boys tenacity will serve them well their whole life through.  Realize age appropriately what your son is capable of, and stretch his limits just a little bit further.

-The best thing you can give your boys is your time.  They want nothing more than to spend time with their "hero" and dads fill this role perfectly.  Moms time is just as necessary, in different ways.  Give your son time to ask questions (and ask them questions, even if they don't answer, it gives them substance to think on).  Kids learn most by just watching their parents, so let them come along and watch and learn.  Teach your child to reach out to others and always be willing to go the extra mile to help their fellow man.  Teach them to speak well of others and reinforce the Golden Rule again and again.

Very encouraging book!

Questions of life

Lately I feel like I have a lot more questions than answers.  Have you ever felt that way? Typically I just vent about them to someone, and then often venting can lead to brainstorming and fervent prayer, which leads to answers.  So, here we go...most are parenting ones, since that's where we're at these days.

How much free time should a child get each day, balanced with work and school?  I realize this is different for different ages, but what kind of guidelines do you use when determining the right amount?

How much alone/cuddle/one-on-one time per kid is needed in a day?  It seems that no matter what I give or don't give, it is wrong for some reason or another.  

How to you encourage thoroughness in doing a job without nagging/hounding/cajoling?  I get so tired of being the "Are you done with that yet?" police.  I understand it's necessary for toddlers, but for older kids who know what is required?  And how to keep them motivated to work without getting distracted every 5 seconds?  Are my expectations too low?  I only have 1 kid who is motivated by money/rewards, and the rest don't care.  Legos (their favorite toys) have been taken away for almost a month and no one wants to do anything worth getting them back (and I'm talking simple jobs here). 

How do you teach ownership in a household?  Or pride in ownership?  I have no idea on that one.

How do you get back on track when derailed every weekend (or day off)?  It seems like even if we only take Sunday off from our routine, Monday is a nightmare of getting everyone focused again.  Then we may have one decent day and we get off track again.  I'm just so tired of the being behind and never catching a breath.  As if they have no idea what routine we follow (and have followed for the past 10 years!). Right back to square one!  Ugh!

And then the whole prayer thing.  I'm really working on that.  I pray really good for everyone except my own family.  Probably because I don't see the direct results which makes it easier.  I feel like my prayers for our family are really generic, and would like to make them more specific.  For myself, for my husband and for each child.  This is for thankfulness, direction, guidance, how to use our individual gifts, how to strengthen our weaknesses and more.  I think a prayer journal would likely help, but haven't seemed to make it happen.  Any ideas?

And the whole fertility/children thing.  I won't go into detail, just that I really feel this is a big area of spiritual warfare.  I pray for peace over the whole topic, but can't say I'm there yet.  I don't know if I'll ever be.  Maybe at menopause (whenever that is)!

Whew!  I'd love some feedback, either through private email or message me somehow.

Here's a great article on parenting as a Christian.  Nothing is going to be easy (I don't expect that) nor is it going to be what we even want.  But it is what we need and what will bless our lives in the long run.
http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/parenting-means-wrestling-demons