Sometimes (well, most of the time), parenting is just hard. There's lots of advice out there, but I've found that most of it rarely works consistently. Most of the time I feel like I'm just stumbling around in the dark, trying new things on a regular basis in hopes that something new will be "the ticket". Not so. There is no magic pill. There is no magic formula. Well, there is but I forget to use it (it's called Jesus Christ, the way, the truth, the life).
I'm a researcher. Love finding new information. Love honing in a process and streamlining it to fit my life and needs. Unfortunately I am blessed with 4 little rascals who fail to follow my predictions and wishes. Which is a good thing, but that doesn't make it easier.
Here's the example: one of our children has been acting out ALOT lately. Bullying, belligerent, pestering, will not communicate. I haven't known what to do. What I want to do is to just yell at them, shake them, "knock some sense" into them. I tried lecturing, adding more work (when original jobs didn't get done in a reasonable time), punishment, bribery, the works! To no avail. I finally reached the end of my rope the other day, leading me to become a crying mess. After voicing my concerns to my dear husband, and he gave all the kids a pep talk of expectations, and I expected things to get better. Not so. This mom was still nagging, cajoling, and bribing these kids to do a few simple tasks (to no avail). The problem child was the worst, instigating trouble wherever they were.
After prayerfully seeking the Lord (finally!), I realized that I was going about it totally wrong. This kid needed love. And needed reassurance. And needed time with their Mom. And needed to be believed in and trusted. Oh, dear. I felt like such a failure. But, as God promises, His mercies are new every morning. And sometimes in the middle of the afternoon too. So I started laying on the love. I made that child sit by me while we read (all afternoon). I made them (grudgingly) hold my hand for our whole afternoon walk. The walk started with a trudging child, lagging behind very much rebelling at having to hold my hand. By the end of the walk though, this child was holding my hand (not me grasping theirs) willingly and wouldn't let it go when we got home.
Then this child began cheerfully helping me. Then at bedtime I cuddled a long time with them. Where I found that there was a guilty conscience that needed freeing. (And I was able to put the worries aside, bless them with God's forgiveness, and discuss the whole scenario in terms of what to do next). This morning this same child came and cuddled with me in my bed when they woke up (which never happens). We've had no squabbles yet today, and things are going well.
We discussed options for getting work done easier/quicker and we have a Mom/child date planned tonight and hopefully things are on the mend. My biggest gripe is "Why can't I learn to go to the Lord first?" Grr! I beat my head against the wall so much, when "His yoke is EASY and His burden is LIGHT!" I guess it's human nature in many ways, but it's also one of those lessons that I have to keep relearning, over and over and over again. But, what a patient Father we have. He never angers or loses it when we are disobedient. What an example Jesus set by His perseverance/patience with those who were foolish, unlearned and didn't understand His ways. And what a blessing that Jesus has that same love for us today. To forgive us in our shortcomings, our failures, our meager attempts to do things on our own. Sigh...
