I've had a hard time staying positive lately. Growing a baby is hard work, and I seem to be more tired each time. And older. And in worse shape. I'd love to exercise, but I just don't even have enough energy to do the bare minimum. We did take a walk today, but even that was taxing in many ways. I've been trying different things to try to boost up my energy levels, but nothing seems to make much difference. I get good sleep, but still always need more. There's random aches and pains that I won't go into which make each day unpleasant. And then when I don't have much energy, the kids behavior gets out of line and then they stress me more (my fault). And then I don't eat properly and feel worse. And then kick myself for not eating healthy. And then I gain lots of weight, making everything mentioned above more difficult. Oh, sigh. And it's Monday. I try to limit coffee, but can't seem to even function without it. I try tea, but get bored with that after just a few days.
And then there's the comments. Last week a guy (who didn't even know about the coming baby). "Whoa, are all of those your kids?" (Yes, we're very blessed!) "They must be like, a year apart or something!" (No, actually 2. They are 2, 4 6, & 8) "Man, that's alot!" Stomps off! (His wife did whisper, "I love kids, I wish we had some!" as she embarrassingly followed him off.)
And the other extreme from a lady who wishes she had more kids (and has made it very clear to me in the past, although she already has more than me anyhow). "Wow! God just keeps blessing you and blessing you!" In a how-come-you're-so-lucky-and-I'm-not kind of voice.
What to say? Or feel? Or do? I just can't focus (even for a moment) on those things as they drag me down even further. I need to think about things of beauty that lift me up. Like cute baby clothes (because I'll need some since this is going to be a different season than we've dealt with before). And shopping for a "new" car seat and bassinet. And getting excited about using my diaper bag again (which I love). And getting back into clothes that aren't too tight or falling down at all times. And decorating my sun room as we can afford it. (I've got it all planned out, just need the $$$) And a warm bath before bed to boost my spirits and relax everything.
On the same note, one of the kids was telling about his bad days lately. How a couple little failures wrecked his whole weekend. I tried to brighten him up by telling some stories about bad days that I have had and how now we can laugh about them. One story was about how I slept in for work one time, and then went to start my car (and clear the snow off it) and proceeded to slip down the stairs, losing my keys back under the stairs (in a tight crevice that was difficult to get to). When I finally found them and unlocked my apartment and went to call work and tell them I'd be late, I had no voice and they couldn't even hear me enough to tell who was calling. Thankfully I squeaked it out enough for them to understand and they told me to take the day off and "get better". I then went back to bed and slept the day away. Or the story about slamming my finger in the car door with it locked and no one nearby to hear me yelling.
Then I told a story about my Dad (a plumber) who had a customer who was too cheap to use the right size venting to plumb his house. My Dad strongly advised against it, but the customer refused. A few months later, the town was flushing the sewer pipes and because of the small pipes, the toilet didn't vent properly and everything flushed up and out the toilet instead (while he was sitting on it). My parents were on vacation and my grandparents were looking after us kids. My Grandma wrote the message which said, "So-and-so called. Toilet blew up." It was apparently hard not to laugh when he returned the call and got the details. I was telling the kids that whenever they have a bad thing happen to them, they can be happy that their toilet hasn't blown up on them that day!
The
sun is shining, and the kids are happily playing outside for now, so
that's good.
And tomorrow is a new day. With no mistakes (or aches) in it. Yet!
_____________________________________________
This is my only permanent record, so I try to record the kid's stuff here. For those of you on Facebook, sorry for the repeat.
We've
been on coyote patrol lately, as they've been eying our chickens. The
kids reactions when they saw the first one staring at them from the
corner (outside) the pen. Luke: "Mom, there was a coyote staring at me
right by the chicken pen so I wasn't sure what to do." (calm and
collected) James: "Mom, there's a coyote right by the chickens! Shoot
it, shoot it! Get Dad's gun and shoot it! Just put the bullet in and
pull the trigger. It's easy!" (excited and got a plan) Elise: "We
should stay in the house all day because coyotes like meat. And we're
meat." (scared and nervous) Isaac: Just wanders around wondering what
a coyote is, imitating a howl whenever he feels necessary.
