Friendship webinar summary

In the first week, she clarified principles of Godly friendship.  How Jesus is the glue that should hold them together, but that He is also the solvent that separates friends if they are not willing to accept the authority God gives in His Word.  Christian friendship should be open, glad obedience to Christ and all of His Word.  She encouraged us to not to hurry into defining friendship, as these things take time.  Is the friendship serving Christ, or serving each other?  Are we expecting too much, or do we have fairytale ideals of what our friends should be or do for us (and forget that we are all sinful people in a sinful world)?  Do we recognize that our friends are not our "emotional slaves" to meet our perceived needs?  Does this friendship honor God?  Am putting more on my friends than they should bear, and is it pulling them away from them minding their own station of serving their own husbands and children?  Are we becoming (or already are) busybodies, sharing information not meant to be shared about our husbands, children, family and friends?  Is our time spent with our friends staring into each others faces and telling our tales of woe, or are we spent industriously looking forward together, serving the Lord?  Good questions, of which I definitely don't have the answers for.  Each situation is very different, and wisdom is needed discerning our own selfish hearts as well as receiving each other as friends and what that truly means.

1 Tim 5:13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

If your friend said to you, "Since we are both Christians, let's see what the Bible says about X, Y, Z (problem of yours)."  How would that fly with your venting session or coffee dates?  Do you really want to know what the Bible says, or do you just want "support" for your side of the issues you are facing?  I'm totally guilty of too much listening to problems and not sharing enough true Biblical guidance.  I'm guilty of too much whining too.  I have honestly feared the friendship heading south if I opposed the other party (which has happened, just as predicted), I've feared people thinking I'm self-righteous and "holier-than-thou".  I've also feared that I'm not being "supportive" and I regretfully admit that I absolutely dread conflict (although I do like a healthy debate!)  Even when I've disagreed with someone on the inside, I usually have given a generic "smile & nod" response because I don't want to rock the boat with ideas that I know wouldn't be taken well at all.  I've also been known to be so shocked at what other people think is ok, that I have no idea what to say to their random ideas.  Late in bed that night I often come up with a healthy response, but by then it's too late.  

She also advises against what she calls "fishhook friends". People who give you complements ("you're the only friend who understands me" "you are so unique in such and such way", etc), gifts and do niceties for you, and in return expect you to be their friend.  They nab your with their tricks (could be unconsciously or consciously), and then hook you and reel you in.  We are not obligated to be friends with anyone, no matter how much they may want or expect it.  We should be kind, friendly and courteous to all people, but we should choose our true friends carefully and judiciously.

The second week was spent talking about telos (goals, end point) of godly friendship.  This would be heaven.  Godly friendship should help us on our journey to get to heaven.  So, this means that to be or have a friendship, our friends should be on their way too.  This also means that both sides believe the authority of the Bible and are willing to proclaim them to each other.  The whole Bible, not just the parts that suit us too.  The refining, convicting, challenging, repenting, growing in grace parts too.  Biblical friendship is not resting easy in a life of ease and getting what we think we deserve, but it is a hard journey and we need sturdy traveling companions.  She likens it to Pilgrims Progress (and I'll add in Hinds Feet In High Places too).  We have hard stuff to face, but we also have the Word to guide us each and every day.  We need friends who will give us gospel truths, not just tickle our ears with what we want to hear.  We also always have Christ the Comforter with us at all times, so we truly are never alone.  We should not be looking for our friends to meet the needs that only Christ is meant to fill- growing in grace and wisdom, to help us understand God, to guide you through your marriage and parenting challenges, to be "with" you at all times, etc.

She also reminded us that we should always be serving Christ, not our friend.  We should always honor God not man.  Christian friends should~

-hold us accountable for our sin

-help us in personal growth

-help us in applying our faith

-growing in Christ-like-ness

-encouraging & edifying each other

-not indulging in bad attitudes, complaining, envy or jealousy

-carrying our own burdens to Christ, not dumping on our friends

She clarifies that most of these things should be done by our example, we don't need to try to be the Holy Spirit for our friends as if they don't have it themselves.  We all have enough sins and foibles to work on ourselves, let alone think we can somehow know more than our friends about what's best for them.   She gives a word picture of Jesus telling our friend that He washes away her sins, but then there we are standing behind Him saying, "you forgot about that one" and "but she does this and this too".  As if Jesus doesn't know what He's doing, and needs our help to point out a few more sins and failings in our dear sister.  I find this a very fine line, because honestly very few people want to hear about their shortcomings from their friends (myself included), no matter how damaging they are to those watching or how good the friendship is.  Shouldn't we all be willing to improve our relationships?  Is our pride that precious to us?  How do we actually go about "speaking the truth in love" in real life and have it taken to heart instead of offensively/defensively?  

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:  And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting..

Week 3 was spent focusing on the pitfalls that are common to friendship.  She reiterated that a companion on the way to heaven is not equal to an emotional caretaker.  Big difference.  She encouraged us to opt into hard conversations, when needed, and not avoid them due to people pleasing or fear.  But also ask, why am I confronting this person?  Is it to prove I'm right?  Prove them wrong?  Or am I lovingly concerned that they are in sin, walking away from the Lord, or indulging in their own desires too much?

Psalm 119:63-65 I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts. The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes. Thou hast dealt well with thy servant, O Lord, according unto thy word.

The two pitfalls she spent the most time on was 

1) Idolatry- is the relationship serving God or each other? Are we trying to please or placate (to soothe or mollify especially by concessions, appease) others?  Is the focus on worshiping self (my wants, needs, desires, wishes, ideas, philosophies)? This is so common in our world today, but should not be in the life of a Christian.  Are we clear and loving, but unbudgible in our willingness to follow the Bible in our lives?  Do we placate them because of fear of emotional outbursts of our friends?  These are all forms of idolatry, which is the breaking of the 1st commandment.   Serious stuff.  

2) Not agreeing with God about the order of the world- (Romans 1)  Do we believe that marriage is between 1 man + 1 woman?  There is not a place for an extra "emotional" partner.  God made marriage this way so that our husbands will push against our sinful weaknesses, rather than indulge them like a woman with similar weaknesses may do.  She encouraged us to never get involved in other people's marriage issues, but always "take it up the chain" (of command, so that the proper people may seek to help the situation).  Don't feel honored if someone comes to you with their marriage issues, get out now!  Let your friends know that you are not a safe place for unloading marriage gripes and complaining.  That you are never a refuge for sin (either party), and that you'll do something about it right away (talk to a pastor or counselor, call the police, whatever chain of command seems fitting).  Especially never listen to one party when the other party isn't present.  We all tend to mix up our real needs from our perceived needs, and this is where it gets messy.  No one knows the truth.  Everyone involved is going to have a different perception and a different story.  Opt out of other people's drama.

Iron sharpens iron, and thus we can truly be friends if we encourage and edify one another, not indulging in their sinful tendencies, while mortifying our own sins each day too.

The last week was spent on the building blocks of good friendship, the things not so often talked about in our world today.  The biggest way to find a good friend is to be one.  We can only control ourselves, so asking God to show us our own failings, sins and foibles will do more for building Christian friendships than anything else.  We need to courageously root out our own sins before we can reach out in love to each other.

Luke 7:47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

C.S. Lewis says in The Four Loves, "We picture lovers face to face but friends side by side; their eyes look ahead, that is why those pathetic people who simply ‘want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having friends is that we should want something else besides friends.” Friendship must be about something— some common interest, “even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travelers". (source)

Our friendships should be without any strings attached, without expectations (as these will always get dashed), and constantly open handed.  Give without expecting anything in return, even loyalty.  Notice if your heart gets clingy to someone and repent of it.  No one is expected to give you anything.  Burn any mental notebooks about what others should or shouldn't do for me, and don't be hasty in your judgments of others.  Friendship with specific expectations is like a loan shark who hasn't been paid back yet.  We should also not be usurers, only giving with some sort of return profit in mind.  It's "hellish behavior" (her words, not mine!)  If you struggle with these things, ask God to make you more generous, and be honest with your own heart of your intentions.  We give because Christ gave freely to us.  Not for any other reasons.  Be friendly about things, not just friendship itself.  Have new ideas, be always willing to learn.  Jordan Peterson's Rule 9: "Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t" applies here.

“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”-. Corrie ten Boom.

At the end of each session she did a Q&A session, and I didn't write any of them down but the last one.  In it, was asked if it's ever appropriate to share parenting or marriage advice.  She did say that yes it was at times, but to get your husband's permission first and have him present if possible.  Same with teens or older kids.  If you want to break their trust by sharing their sins or something that might shame or embarrass them, get their permission first.  Little kids don't seem to care so much, but use discretion.  Would I have wanted this said about me when I was a child?

All in all, lots of good, convicting and encouraging information.  There's some repenting I'm needing to do as well.  I'm still mulling it over, as I can see that it's not cut and dry situations.  Every friendship is different, and we each have different trust levels with each other, so what might be appropriate for one might not be for another.  She said time and again to "focus on Christ" and "seek Christ" but I don't know how that looks in a boots-on-the-ground sort of way.  If Christ meets all our needs, then why do we even need or want friends?  He is the Comforter and is always with us, but somehow we need the Body of Christ in real people here on earth too.  I'm having a hard time separating the different and same aspects of each.  

A few new book reviews~

Breath by James Nestor was excellent as far as the importance of how we breathe, and the many aspects of how most of us are breathing poorly.  I started learning about proper breathing from different sources over the last few years.  When James was in wrestling, his coach taught him all about keeping breathing controlled when in tricky situations, and how to calm their brains down when being pinned down.  How to reset their minds through calm breathing to be ready to make a comeback at a moment when defeat is quite probable.  How not to be a victim of his circumstances due to hyperventilating/anxiety.  Important stuff for all of us, in various other situations.  I also learned about mouth breathing vs nose breathing in regards to jaw formation in kids, and why so many kids these days need braces when proper breathing would solve the same problem, but takes much more time and has to be implemented younger, before the jaws grow.   I also learned more about it during speech therapy, as much speech (good or bad) is related to how we breathe.  Tongue/lip tie release, myofascial release, and proper tongue placement is key to good speech.  And when your tongue is positioned right, you'll breathe right.  Is your tongue resting on the roof of your mouth at all times, if you're not talking or eating?  It should be!

This book was more about one man's quest to find out how to breathe properly, and the journey it took him on.  He was his own guinea pig for all sorts of trials and theories on breathing, and he put them all to the test.  He ended finding out that the way we breathe is far more important than we think, and that we can do something simple to improve our health.  Breathe through our nose, intentionally for starters and then it'll become natural over time.  We can build new jaw bone and change the shapes of our faces even as adults after all these years of bad habits.  

There's also a new batch of dentists who focus on this, called orthrotropics, which means changing the shape of the growing jaw rather using braces/retainers to correct it after the fact (orthodontics).  There are many factors involved in the process for causes and effects (breast vs bottle feeding, sucking thumb/pacifier use, eating too many soft foods, etc).  The long and short though, is that we all should be breathing through our noses and not our mouths, day and night.  It just takes retraining yourself to do so if you don't.  Many people who don't, either have a tongue/lip tie or allergies causing the nose to become plugged, but this is solvable too with new habits.   

Another reason for the need for nose breathing is for nitric oxide.  To quote Dr. Steven Lin who wrote The Dental Diet, "Nitric oxide is produced in the nasal sinuses by specific enzymes. It’s instrumental in delivering oxygen around the body efficiently because it regulates blood flow. When it mixes with air delivered to the lung, it increases arterial oxygen tension and reduces blood pressure.  Nitric oxide also has a vital role deep within your body’s cells. There, it influences platelet function, immunity and the nervous system. It’s also important in homeostasis and the regulation of mitochondrial function. It’s produced elsewhere in the body but the biggest contributor is the minute amounts inhaled through the nose into the lungs." (source)

Here are some videos that he mentions in the book on how to learn to breath better. It just takes a little practice to get into thinking that way (and maybe a few note cards taped up to remind yourself).  Some people even tape their mouths shut to remind themselves to keep their mouths shut while they sleep.  Suit yourself!

The next book is called The Genie in Your Genes and it was way over my head as well.  Although I am interested in epigenetics, I'm not interested in all the chemistry involved in making conclusions.  I wouldn't be a good researcher as I just want the end findings and the whys.  I'm too impatient to put in the time to figure it all out.  Since most of it was over my head, I'm just going to review a quote from elsewhere below.  I'm also not sure how this all plays in as a Christian.  He talks much about beliefs of different religions in the book, but I'm not going to say that the power of all of them is equal.  Praying to different gods/God is not going to elicit the same responses, although belief in a "higher being" is known to be more helpful than believing in none.  Only Jesus can free us from guilt and wash away our sins.  No other God proclaims "it is finished"; all other gods demand works, good deeds, and endless lists of more and more to do to please or appease them.  So I don't think you can categorize them all in the same class.

"Your genes respond to your thoughts, emotions and beliefs. The way you use your mind shapes your brain, turning genes on and off in ways that can dramatically affect your health and wellbeing. In this best-selling, award-winning book, researcher Dawson Church reveals the exciting applications of the new science of Epigenetics (epi=above, i.e. control above the level of the gene) to healing. Citing hundreds of scientific studies, and telling the stories of dozens of people who have used his ideas for their own healing, he shows how you can apply these discoveries in your own life. He explains how electromagnetic energy flows in your body and affects your cells, and how the new fields of energy medicine and energy psychology can help cases that are beyond the reach of conventional medicine. He shows how your hormonal, neurological, connective tissue, and neurotransmitter systems all work in harmony to conduct a coordinated flow of information throughout your body. As you take conscious control of the process, you produce a positive effect on your health, becoming an "epigenetic engineer" of your own wellbeing. Practical and scientific, this book has transformed the lives of tens of thousands of people. This new edition is updated with the latest research and clinical breakthroughs."  (source)

Nutrient Power is the last book today.  This book is an excellent resource for any sorts of mental illness, including autism, ADHD and Alzheimer's, which he has complete chapters on.  He worked in prisons for years and ran millions of samples on over 30,000 patients.  This guy has done his homework, and although it's mostly over my head with all the chemistry and terms that I don't know yet, but was a good read.  The long and short of it can be listed below from another review here (on their website). 

"THE REPEAT OFFENDERS: For several years I was perplexed by the repeated presence of certain biochemical imbalances in completely different mental disorders.  For example, copper overload is present in most cases of hyperactivity, learning disability, post-partum depression, autism, and paranoid schizophrenia. In another example, undermethylation is often present in antisocial personality disorder, clinical depression, anorexia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and schizoaffective disorder.  The primary repeat offenders are copper overload, B-6 deficiency, zinc deficiency, methyl/folate imbalances, pyrrole disorder, and amino acid imbalances.  Eventually I realized these factors had something in common --a direct role in the synthesis or functioning of a major neurotransmitter.

"With respect to mental health, the nutrient SAMe is a natural reuptake inhibitor for serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine.  Folic acid is a natural reuptake enhancer that can combat excessive dopamine activity.  The individual levels of methyl and folate in the brain are not as important as the methyl/folate ratio . . ."

He talks of how depression can be from undermethylation or overmethylation as well as copper overload and pyrrole disorder (low B6 and zinc), as can schizophrenia, so the treatment isn't always going to be the same.

Videos of William Walsh (author of the book) on the subject.

Chart of how the symptoms overlap and are specific to each root cause.

Here's a great chart to compare undermethylated to overmethylated symptoms.

Here's the Walsh Institute website where you can find a doctor to test for all these nutrient levels and see what the root problem actually is.  Randomly prescribing medications is like shooting in the dark, without knowing where the target is.  I just talked to my friend who is a Psych RN at the local VA hospital and she said that psych nursing is the most vague thing she's ever experienced.  The meds get changed so often that you never know what is coming or going.  That's why so many patients never get better.  She said it's endlessly frustrating to have repeat patients in the revolving door of severe illness to moderate wellness because no one looks into root causes.  Never remission or complete wellness. So sad.  

Side note:  Dr Kelly Brogan and Dr. Carol Banyas are two holistic psychiatrists who also use nutrition to heal mental illness, if you want more resources.  They both were convicted about the uses of medications and knew there had to be a better way to get better.  Dr. Banyas is a spokesperson for True Hope vitamins and has several videos about her experience using them.

Homeopathy Primer

You remember how everyone got into the essential oil craze a few years back?  How it was a cure all, a panacea for whatever ailed you?  That's how I feel about homeopathy.  It's been a much longer, much more skeptical journey for me, but now I'm on it.  Locked in tight!

Back when we lived in AZ, one of our friends at church was going to Naturopathic school and she told me about it first of all.  She talked how it was the best thing for curing children's ailments, as it was so gentle and harmless.  I had no kids at the time, so didn't pursue it further.  Just listened and stored it away somewhere.  I also had no idea what it was, and wasn't into finding out either.  I was still wholly steeped in mainstream medicine.  Then we moved up here, and later James was born.  He was covered in eczema and we tried so many things trying to make him feel better.  While on a trip to AZ, we took him to see this same friend (who was now a Dr.) and she prescribed 1 little bottle of homeopathic pellets for him.  Pellets the size of chia seeds.   "Give him 3 pellets, once a week" was the dose, if I recall.  Huh?  That's all?  So we tried it.  For maybe 2 months.  No change.  We did phone consults and she kept telling us to wait longer.  But, since I didn't know much about it, and the phone consults were getting expensive with no visual results, we stopped them when the bottle ran out.  And figured it was just another thing that didn't work.  Even though she explained to us that healing came from the inside out ("like peeling back layers on an onion"), I didn't believe in it at all.  So we kept on trying other things instead.  That was the end of that road.

Many years later we went to another couple of Naturopaths who also prescribed them for various ailments, both acute or chronic.  We then experienced almost miraculous results, yet they were gentle with no side effects or expensive supplements to endlessly buy.  Cheap too?  OK, I'm in.  This was around the time of the essential oil craze, and our Naturopathic Dr sold his remedies for $4-6/each.  I surely couldn't buy a name brand essential oil at that cost, so I couldn't justify not trying them for that cost either.  So we did.  We didn't have all successes, but the one biggie convinced me that I at least needed to learn more about how they work and what they can do.  So I asked lots of questions at my appointments, and I got all the books that the library had, and I started reading.

Homeopathy uses "vital force" to heal.  This is the energy within us that keeps us alive. Without it we would be dead.  All healing in homeopathy uses kinetic energy (energy from motion, of which the remedies are shaken/succussed) to strengthen our vital force.  It's kind of obscure to describe, but somehow works.

Now I've been on the homeopathic learning path for about 5 years, and I have yet to have met anyone else who knows anything or cares a hoot about them, other than my doctors.  So that's kind of lame as I get so excited when I learn new things and I can't really tell anyone because no one "gets it".  But that's ok.  I still get excited.  I do have a few online groups that are as excited as I am, and I have learned a ton from them, and it's also place to ask my many questions.

So, what intrigues me so much?  Well, first of all you can heal stuff with them.  All kinds of stuff!  Weird, unusual, "I'll never tell anyone about this" kind of stuff.  Acute, chronic, constitutional, miasmic, animal care, you name it!

Acute would mean affecting or afflicting you right now, and started less than 3 months ago.  Bladder infections, sore throats, smashed fingers (treated one of these this week), burns, coughs, etc. But also emotional things like acute grief, anger, nervous about a job interview, etc.

Chronic means something you've had longer than 3-6 months.  This can be lifetime symptoms (maybe like insomnia or noise sensitivity when people chew their food, or long term hip pain or breathing troubles), or just things you've been stuck with for a long time that you haven't found a solution to yet.  Or didn't think there was one.

Constitutional means more personality quirks and foibles (a minor flaw or shortcoming in character or behavior).  Things like OCD or an inability to express your emotions well, or being an overachiever and burning yourself out, or addictions of any sort.  Things you think you are stuck with because you think were born that way, and maybe you were.  But homeopathy can heal even those.  It can balance whatever is imbalanced so those things don't have the power over you that they've had.  Self-esteem too low? Yep.  Self-esteem too inflated?  Yep.  Either way it can be balanced.  Which leads to...

Miasms.  These are generational characteristics that come down through family lines.  They are not DNA, so they are not genetic; but seem to be passed down more through the microbiome (gut health or illness) from parents to children and on to their children because you all live in the same houses and share life together.  These can be "tendencies" or addictions or illness weaknesses, and can even be healed from several generations back, whether it be disease or trauma that happened several generations ago.  Great grandfather fought in the Revolutionary war and you struggle with anxiety? Check.  Great grandmother had TB, and now your family has extensive lung troubles?  Check.  Fascinating, hey?!
(More info on miasms here.  Please read part 1 & 2)

This book has been really exciting.  I just want to fix everyone!  Starting with myself though.  I'm still quite a newbie, so am just experimenting on myself, letting go of baggage, dealing with my grief, learning boundaries for my own health.  It's caused me to do a fearless moral inventory (AA step 4), which isn't fun.  At all.  Being honest with ourselves is the only way to healing though.  We all have skeletons in the closet somewhere somehow.  Coping mechanisms we've picked up over the years, baggage that we've never dealt with properly, forgiveness for ourselves for the sins against us, or asking forgiveness of others who we've sinned against.  Hard stuff and I'm not done yet.  Still moving forward though.

"One does not surrender a life in an instant. 

That which is lifelong can only be surrendered in a lifetime." 

~Elisabeth Elliot

Here's some of the things that the Emotional Healing book covers.  Yup.  Digs pretty deep.  Another book on the same subject that comes highly recommended is called Getting Back on Track by Jill Turland.  I have not read it yet, but hope to soon.

Here's a couple of the books below that I've acquired over the years.  The library has plenty, but I've found that having my own reference books at home written by various authors is most helpful (it can add to the confusion also though, when they contradict each other).  I love to highlight stuff too, so that isn't good to do on library books!

This book by Sue Meyer is great, as it gives in depth info on so many remedies (there's around 5,000 total).  Sue has a podcast called Homeopathy for Mommies as well and she talks a lot, so you have to learn as she talks.  I much prefer learning by reading, so don't do best listening to her as it takes far more time than skimming a book does to find what I need.  She also has it organized by symptoms so you can compare them better when trying to find the right remedy.

This book is my favorite, by Joette Calabrese. (sorry for the sideways pic) She's the homeopath who I've learned the most from, as she shares the most free information online.  She has a very thorough website chock full of free info, writes regularly for the Weston A. Price Foundation, has classes you can take and then her book shown above, along with every Monday she posts a video on a new remedy.  They can all be found on YouTube or her FB page.  I'd absolutely love to take all her classes, but right now my bandwidth is pretty limited for time and learning so I'll just stick to my book learning.  Someday... 

Joette uses a different kind of homeopathy dosing methodology, which is called the Banerji protocols, which are a honed in system formulated by the Banerji doctors in India.  She has trained under them and they treat thousands of patients, sometimes each day and needed a more streamlined process for seeing more patients, as well as making it cost effective for the lower income ones.  So, they came up with protocols that are used in a systematic format according to symptoms.  These protocols work approximately 80% of the time, and the rest of the time another method (called Classical homeopathy) is needed to treat the patient's symptoms.  Classical homeopathy takes a very thorough patient history and assessment (2 hours usually) and then the Homeopath chooses a remedy based on the results.  The protocols are based on knowing a diagnosis and giving a basic remedy protocol for that.  Both work, it's just more what you want for what you're dealing with.

Christina Villacorta is another Banerji protocol homeopath with lots of good info.  You can also look at my extensive list of pins on Pinterest if you're just looking for something specific, or just want to see what kind of stuff is treatable.

Right now we are working on some symptoms with one of our kids.  Our Naturopath chose 2 remedies this last round (she uses the Classical method).  She put about 5 little pellets in a little paper envelope and her dosing instructions were to take the first packet when we got home, and then wait 2 weeks.  Then take the next 3 little packets (a different remedy) once per week.  The end.  Sounds too simple.  But the last round we did it, she hit the nail on the head and the symptoms became less frequent and then changed format (thus the need to move to a new remedy).  This is the healing process as the illness/symptoms/challenges are slowly being worked out of the body to a state of balance and health.  So cool huh?!

Now comes the tricky part.  How to know what remedy to choose, what dose, how often, what are signs that it's working or not working?  And what's an aggravation?  That's where I wish I knew more information.  These are all ambiguous questions with vague answers.  It becomes second nature with lots of practice, but for us newbies it can be like drinking from a fire house to figure out all the rules to follow and then all the exceptions to it.  Kind of like learning English as a second language, I would suppose!  BTW, An aggravation is what happens as your body is healing and old symptoms come back that are being pushed out of the body to get rid of.  Eczema returns as your body is healing the root cause of it from way back in childhood after steroids or meds that suppressed it for years, or it switched to more serious symptoms with the same root cause.  Often eczema turns into asthma, as it settles in the lungs.  Skin issues are the most common aggravations, but usually clear up pretty quickly.  

That's about all for now.  Feel free to ask me any questions, and I'd be glad to either answer them or find the answer for them from someone more experienced than myself (more likely!)

Book Review~ The Fourfold Path to Healing

This book was interesting.  It is in the same series with Nourishing Traditions and the Nourishing Baby Care book by Dr. Thomas Cowan.   It teaches you how to heal yourself from various ailments and avoid them if you don't want them too!  Spoiler alert: cod liver oil.  That's the missing factor in all the diseases in the book.  There's other nutrient lacks as well, but that's the one that is the game changer throughout, mostly because the foods we eat these days don't have enough of the same nutrients it has.  This is because when we eat meat; the majority of animals aren't pastured on grass, or they aren't in the wild, or we don't eat the whole animal as traditional cultures did.  If you don't feel like reading the whole book, there's a summary for each ailment on what he recommends to take which is nice, but the explanation on why he uses what he does for healing is very interesting I think.

He relies strongly on Weston A. Price dietary principles and Standard Process vitamins for the other basis of healing, along with body work (think calesthenics) to relax and get energy moving in the right ways through the body.  I'm not so sure how that works exactly, but he tends to think it does help heal.  He also uses something called protomorphogens for healing organs.  We've used these also through our Naturopath to heal specific organs.   They work kind of like homeopathy, allowing the body to heal specific areas using small amounts of bovine organ material.  It kind of reminds the glands to rebuild themselves.  This Dr. is also uses homeopathy in a more methodical and mechanical way than I've seen before, using specific doses for specific conditions across the board.  

He does get into the emotional/physical connections a lot, which is nice, as they are far more intertwined than most of us believe. (I'll explain this in my homeopathy post coming up!)  He also talks about how much of our healing is not due to the Dr, but our relationship with the doctor.  Do we have a friendship with them so that we trust that they are looking our for our true healing (not just symptom management), or is it a purely business deal (involving prescriptions, surgery and the like).  Normal medical doctors spend an average of 7 minutes with their patients twice a year.  How can they establish a caring relationship in that amount of time?  There's just not enough time, even among the best of the best.  Typically a Functional, Osteopathic or Naturopathic Dr. spends between 30-90 minutes in each appointment, thus establishing a caring and trustful bond.  The other lack is that mainstream doctors have to do so much charting and coding for insurance claims (up to half their day is spent this way), this eats into the time they can spend with their patients and it also limits the care they can give as well. (They can only offer what insurance deems worthy to cover, rather than what each patient actually needs).  That's all in this book!

Side Note, not from the book~

A new trend and great option out there that I just learned about is called Direct Primary Care where you pay a monthly fee and have your doctor at your beck and call.  They work for you and will do what you want (within reason, of course!)  They do recommend they you get a high deductible health plan for any major medical issues or emergencies.  The benefits of this system are:

1) you get more time with your doctor due to them not dealing with insurance shenanigans

2) they work for you rather than for insurance

3) less ER and urgent care visits as issues are taken care of quickly and efficiently, there's always someone on call and they know you well enough that a phone call or Zoom interview is often enough

4) each doctor has less patients and thus can give better care overall

Here's the link to find one near you~

https://www.dpcare.org/

Here's a link for one local Dr, which explains it much more thoroughly~

https://www.baxterfamilymedicine.com/

I would say the only downside I can see is that if you are quite healthy, this can get expensive for minimal care.  But isn't insurance the same?!  Sometimes finding a Dr who takes cash payments is a cheaper option overall, with just a high deductible major medical plan of some sort, whether through insurance or a health care sharing co-op.

Book review~ Eve in Exile

Part of my book reviews I need to finish up with was the Eve in Exile book that I reviewed a month or so ago in a previous post.  When I was ready to take it back to the library, I realized that it still had a bookmark in it, and that I hadn't finished reviewing the end of the book which is what tied it all together.  

I also want to clarify that this book isn't written, and I'm not writing any of this stuff to put heavies on others to do more or be more or expect more.  If you think that, then you are missing the point.  The point is to notice how the feminist movement that we've all grown up in and been surrounded our whole lives by has left us wanting as women, and it's so subtle that often it's hard to notice where we went off course.  Eve in Exile brings out what went wrong, the how's and why's and what we can do to rectify it.  She writes in the book that the movement itself has pretty much crashed and burned, and now's the time to rebuild better than before.  As Christians, let's lead the way! Soo...

How do we "subdue" and "fill" our homes?  We first have to see it as a hugely meaningful task.  Not a degrading one that needs to be escaped from somehow (shopping, jobs, careers, etc).  The home we live in clearly matters (not the size or shape, but the intrinsic value).  Our homes nurture, provide food and rest, give shelter and create a loyalty to itself to become one of the strongest of all human emotions.  Home is where your people are, and your deepest loves and allegiances lie.  Or it can be a place of contempt, bitterness, envy and strife.  Whatever is the outcome in our own homes, us women are at the helm, and it is not an irrelevant position to hold.  Our aim should first be towards our homes and our husbands and children (if we have them) and then we venture out further after that.  She encourages and explores all sorts of "venturing" depending on your ages and stages.

Filling it includes the fruitfulness of having children to the glory of God, but there are so many other ways to fill and be fruitful that are outside of that.  Nurturing, caregiving, filling the earth with the knowledge and love of God, showing hospitality, making life lovely and beautiful for those around them (inside and out).  When men and pastors go about bringing change, they do it with ideas and very directly.  Women do it more subtly with hot food and love and joy and serving others in everything they do.  Women like Mother Teresa and Amy Carmichael come to mind for me.  I also think of Greg's grandparents (or mine) who his Papa was a Pastor always discussing doctrine and theology way into the night; but his Grandma was the one was busy endlessly opening her home, quietly changing the sheets on the beds yet again, and making sure the men had plenty of coffee and cinnamon rolls to add to their discussion.  Oh, to be more like her someday!  Her silence spoke volumes of her faith and her faithfulness without her having to say a word.   Whatever our lot is, we should see our jobs as poetry.  We shape lives.  We shape loves and loyalties, we weave glorious truths into the souls of the people around us.  It's a tall order for sure, one that I fail at every day, that's for sure!  I certainly am not adding more "heavies" to what we are already bearing, it's just an interesting perspective on how important tending to the care of our own homes and loves.

She also shares how we should strive to be helpers to the men we have; not the men we wish we had or the men we wish our own would become someday.  She likens it to people who dress for the body they wish they have, not the body they have.  It's rather painful to witness.   She encourages us to look at our husbands and their callings and their loves and then glorify those.  Make your children see how amazing their dad is, and how his work is significant and that you and your kids are incredibly privileged to be a part of his life.  A real life example of this she uses is the Pioneer Woman.  Translate that into your own life and use wisdom and discernment to make it glorious.  Own your story!  Ask him what he loves, how he wants his house, how he wants his children raised and then make it happen.  The idea of actually being a helper to your husband rather than pushing your own ideas and dreams and following them doesn't seem real fun, especially if your husbands plans don't seem like a rewarding project; but the results of this will be transformative.  Women change the world this way, ever since Adam and Eve.  They compel their husbands without a word (1 Pet 3:1) to become a whole lot better men themselves.  The women believe in the men they married, that God will give the results.  If you don't have a husband and/or children, there are plenty of needs out there that we can share our love and devotion to.

The last chapter is short and it focuses on the differences between men and women.  How as soon as women start demanding equality, they lose the difference between the sexes and lose their God given glory.  We need to embrace the differences, and realize we've been created to bring glory to God in different ways.  We show and bring glory when we give of ourselves, sacrifice ourselves and submit freely to our husbands (as we vowed to do) and that glory will grow and grow.  We won't notice it, but others will. (Matt 5:16).  When we begin looking at our own perceived needs, our rights, our self-esteem or our fulfillment then our glory decreases.  When we lay our pride down, God will give us of His dignity.  Feminine glory is fruitful, it produces and builds but often looks messy and hilarious and ridiculous to the outsider. (Prov 14:4)  We want all the world to "taste and see that the Lord is good"(Prov 34:8).

I'll let you figure out how to do that for your own life.  Or not.  

Fall ponderings...

I'm going to try to start doing more writing over the next while.  Partly because I've gotten off social media for a while and feel I need to do more pondering, and less absorbing what I'll refer to as "O.P.P." (other people's problems).  It seems like my whole 40s have been spent listening and trying to sort O.P.P., and it's left me with absolutely no energy left to ponder and sort my own life (good, bad and otherwise).  Sure I've read a good number of books in my burned out days with no physical energy left to serve my family, and I've spent plenty of time on social media "zoning out" due to the same; and I regret most of it because my husband and children have paid the biggest price for this state of exhaustion and mental depletion that I've found myself in.

I had a health issue come up a couple weekends ago, and it caused me to do some fasting, praying and thinking which was a good thing.  But when that happens, it also brings with it lots of guilt for the person I can't be (my own expectations of myself, others' expectations of me, or just my own perceived expectations of what I think others have of me), which I fail at daily.  And I'm not very good at seeing who I truly am and who God wants me to be in the right here, right now.  I did see clearly how I've failed my husband and children over and over though, by carrying other people's baggage that I can doing nothing about.  There's been a lot of it; heavily laden with drama, chaos, sin, brokenness and sadness.  There hasn't been a day free from it as far back as I can recall, counting only since Levi was born 5 years ago.  And it's used up all my bandwidth to even be able to see clearly the joy in my own marriage and wonderful husband; and to find joy in and seek to meet the many needs of my many children.  It's also caused me to feel guilty for these blessings rather than be thankful for them, because the O.P.P.s have been dumped on me so heavily these past years.

So, I'm also searching my heart and my part to play in this as well.  Did I (or do I still?) feel somehow I can help them?  Or do I take "bearing one another's burdens" literally and think that I should be weighed down heavily with them for some unknown reason? ("rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep"?)  Or is my greatest strength (being a good listener) also my greatest weakness because I'm unable to set healthy boundaries for my own family's health and well-being?  Or why can't I just pray for them and leave it there?  Sounds like a great idea until it actually has to be done!

What has become clear though, is the people that have these endless problems are complex situations to begin with.  They've had problems dealing with people for years, even decades and lifetimes.  Their current states of affairs are nothing new.  They've had trouble getting along with folks long before I came in the picture.  Problems with the churches they went to, the jobs they worked at, their in-laws, their friends, their roommates,  etc.  Now it's just a new set of people causing "unsolvable" problems in their lives.  Or health concerns that have been ignored for decades and are now catching up.  Or sinful or prideful habits leading to eventual consequences.

I really shouldn't be surprised though.  It's a broken world, and it's not our home (thankfully!)  I was recently talking with my Dad and was commenting on how my 40s have been pretty dismal so far.  The 20s and 30s were exciting, full of new opportunities and hope.  The 40s are just lame and boring.  Everything is just staying the same or getting worse.  He commented that he noticed that when he got to his 40s, he and those his near his age all started paying the consequences for choices they made in their 20s and 30s.  What they had chosen for a career (or not!), who they married and the way their children's upbringings ended up, the sickness and the health, the addictions and the vices.   We do reap what we sow in so many ways here on earth, even if we are covered in God's grace for eternity. (Gal 6:7)

The other thing I noticed about this particular group of people (the O.P.P. sort) is that they can't own up to their own problems.  No matter what happens, they blame it on someone or something else.   You can't have an honest conversation with them, because they'll spend the whole time justifying why they deserve to be hurt and offended, and how there was nothing that could have been done by them to change the outcome.  They are always the victim and they expect from others what they are unwilling and/or unable to do themselves (offering empathy to others being the biggest thing I've noticed).  This is likely because by offering true empathy to others takes the attention and focus off themselves, and they can't handle that for whatever reason.  There's never a level playing field of give and take, talk and listen, & learn and grow like in a normal healthy relationship.  It's all about seeking attention and getting control of the audience.  I'll admit I don't have any idea where this behavior stems from, but low self-esteem and insecurity seems to be a common denominator across the board, and possibly childhood baggage and lack of coping skills.

There has been blessings come of this emotional train wreckage too though.  I've been able to forgive in ways I thought impossible.  To forgive those who aren't repentant because they just are who they are.  God's not finished with them (or me!) yet, and I will continue to pray that He will work His ways to bring us all closer to Him and a better understanding of His love and grace due to our own brokenness and stubbornness.

It's also brought me new friends who have been a huge blessing in my life that I didn't know I needed.  Sometimes friendships fade away as people drift apart for various reasons, and although there's grieving needed to be done (I've done plenty!), there's also joy to be found in new ones.  There's new ideas, new perspectives that challenge us, and many new conversations to be had.

This podcast recently challenged me as well.  The latest two posts are called, "When Friends Flame Off" and "I Don't Wanna" about how to act and what to say (or not say) when our friends are going off in their own direction and we don't know how to react or what to do.  Good stuff!  Lots of extra chit chat that's unnecessary, but somewhat enjoyable if you have the time to listen.  Hard stuff to sort out, and as I'm seeing, much harder for ladies than men.  Men are able to parse this stuff out and not let it bother them at all!  Women, not so much!  I wish when my friends needed help I could just offer my shop or my tools to them and call it good!  Or ask them for help on a project.  My husband has a friend who thinks that if you don't invite him over to help somewhat often, then you must not like him.  Women aren't that way.  There's the kid discipline problems and the marriage problems and the health problems and the church problems and the in-law problems and the money problems...if only it was as simple as replacing an alternator! 

So what am I going to do now?  Try to heal my heart and my body.  I've done lots of grieving and forgiving thus far, but it seems to resurface again and again, so I have to be ready to tackle it again and again (usually unexpectedly!)  Greg has prescribed that I need to start swimming again and to heal my adrenals so that I'm stronger and not so affected by outside winds and waves that will always come.  I've been supporting them, but not specifically healing them so I'm going to work on that for now.  I've also discovered homeopathic healing modalities that have been working well for some of my physical symptoms.  I'm also journaling again to sort my thoughts a bit more thoroughly (technically called "expressive writing").  Check out the latest Reader's Digest (11/2021) for an explanation what this is.  I've also got some good stacks of books I'm working through as well, which I'll be doing some reports on here as I can find time.  

I'm also trying to figure out how to apply this verse below in a healthy way with boundaries, as to not succumb myself.  I understand that there are times when we are weak, and times when we are strong; and it's not up to us to be never in one camp and always in another.  Admitting truthfully where we are right now is important.

Romans 15:1 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

Things I'm learning these days~

     These last 6 months have been spent teaching my first teenager how to drive.  I'd say it's shown more of my desire for control in my children than any other aspect thus far.  The stakes are so much higher!  While sitting in the passenger seat though, I've had lots of time to contemplate things, and although I haven't come up with any brainwaves yet, I thought I'd share what I've noticed.

1)  Sitting quietly in the passenger seat (without either being a "backseat driver" or "caution queen") is harder than I thought it would be.  If I pointed out every single potential danger, this would lead to discouragement in my teen rather quickly.  I have to just shut my mouth and pray and only add comments when absolutely necessary.  I've also learned that there is a big difference between potential threats and actual threats.  Navigating how to teach about both is all in the tone and the timing.

2)  Teens do best with a 10:1 ratio (or even more!) of compliments/good job/reassurance to keep their motivation up and their discouragement/fear down.  But when I think of myself, I do best with the same.  And don't we all?  Criticism should be always kept to a minimum.  None of us do better due to criticism, as mostly it just leads to despair. 

3)  Prayer is more important than worry.  This should be a given, but it isn't.  My default is more to go to worry first and then prayer.  God's sovereignty over our lives is not determined by my level of worry or fear, and just because I'm scared doesn't mean He's not in control of the situation.  I know this in my head and heart, but I often forget it.  Every day I forget it.  Me adding in peanut gallery comments to be more careful will not result in more care being added, when maximum care is already being applied.  I just need to shut my mouth and pray.

4)  Teens may have less discretion due to less experience, but they also have much quicker reaction time than I've given them (him!) credit for.  I assume he's like me when he's driving, but I've failed to give him credit for times when his quick thinking and quick acting has actually led to better results than it would have if I had been driving.  This is the encouraging part!

    The next thing about raising teens that I'm learning, is that mercy is taught in new ways.  Kind of new, because you offer toddlers the same kind of mercy but then the expectations go up again during the mid-kid years (6-12ish).  But when they become teens, that increased mercy card gets pulled out again.  Between their growing, their sleeping, their picky eating, their bossing, their independence-but-not-independent, their hormones, their moods....the list goes on.  Grace is giving a gift when there is no need for it, blessing others in ways they don't deserve but for no specific reasons.  For example, a teen is often tired.  If I do their work for them and let them sleep in, that's grace.  It also means I don't require them to pay me back in some fashion.  That's grace.  Mercy is when the same thing happens but there's some offense tucked in there somewhere.  They hurt a sibling, they may have run off at the mouth in an unhealthy manner, they offended someone (or they were offended themselves somehow).  As a mom of teens, you realize the outstanding parameters, and you make decisions accordingly.  Did they eat lunch?  Did they have a sleepless night?  Is their heart heavy from some emotional distress?  And then we offer mercy in the gap and nourish the need instead of the  usual required obedience or expectation.

The example of this popped up last week glaringly.  One child had been nasty all morning (I had intervened in 4 fights already, of which this child was the common denominator), and then a friend called to see if this same child could come and spend the day.  On one hand I thought, "well, they sure don't deserve that!" On the other hand I thought, "well, it'll be good to get rid of this child for a few hours so we can all get a break!"  Neither of those responses were what I went on though.  I told this child that they could go, and enjoy themself.  On the drive over, the child even said to me, "I don't deserve to go spend the day with my friend, as I've been mean and nasty all morning!"  I replied, "yes, you have, but you are going to go enjoy a break from all of us for the rest of the day."  And we all did the chores for this specific child while they were gone.  That's mercy.  The gift was given with no outside expectations nor retribution.  This happens often with teens and is where they truly learn about grace and mercy on a personal level.  This child's comment told me they got it without me even having to explain anything.

The next few things just come from things I've been reading or learning about in books or podcasts.  Just tidbits that help me put names to things and figure out puzzle pieces that might be missing elsewhere.  As always, I put my Christian perspective on secular teachings and see how they either overlap or are different.  Sometimes there's relevance, and sometimes there isn't.

Yesterday I was painting my long overdue (15 years) living room, and my kids were all out in the shop having a Nerf war, so I turned on a podcast of Mikhaila Peterson and Guy Winch on relationships.  I tend to like her podcasts as she asks a lot of good questions and there's no chitchat, all business.  Anyhow, I know nothing about this guy except that he's a family/marriage therapist, and has some books and TED talks out on the subject.  In the length of the listening, he mentioned that he and his cohorts can determine the success of a marriage to 90% accuracy all by watching a 5 minute video clip of the couple fighting/arguing.  The traits of success include 

• treating each other with respect (listening until the other person is completely finished talking)
• not getting defensive 
• listening to hear (not just to respond with our rebuttal) 
• listening without eliciting an emotional response

Anyhow, thought that was interesting.

The next thing is about trust.  Have you ever wondered why you do or don't trust someone?  Or why it takes a while to trust certain people?  Or for them to trust you?  Or you trust them in some areas but not others?  Brene Brown has studied into it and has come up with these criteria for trust.  She clarifies that it's unrealistic to expect everyone to meet these criteria (and that we certainly can't meet all these criteria for others!), and that if you have 1-2 friends who meet this criteria then you are extremely blessed.  But, it helps see why some people have never made it into the "trust" category although you may have known them for many years.  Her acronym is called BRAVING.

Boundaries

Trust thrives within boundaries that are clear and consistent. Each party knows where they stand,

“I trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and you hold them and you are clear about my boundaries and you respect them. There is no trust without boundaries.”

Reliability

Researchers are always looking for things that are valid and reliable. A set of scales provides a valid measurement.

A reliable scale is one where if you got on it 100 times, it will return the same result every time.

You cannot gain someone’s trust if you are reliable only once, because that’s not the definition of reliability.

In our working lives, we have to be clear on our limitations so we don’t take on so much that we don’t deliver on our commitments.

In our personal life, same thing. You can’t overpromise and underdeliver.

“I can only trust you if you do what you say you are going to do. And not once, but over and over again.”

Accountability

Own your mistakes and allowing for the transgressions of others,

“I can only trust you if, when you make a mistake you are willing to own it, apologise for it and make amends. I can only trust you if, when I make a mistake I am allowed to own it, apologise for it and make amends. No accountability, no trust”.

Vault

Research shows that when someone gossips with you about a third party, your trust in the gossiper is completely diminished.

Many times we share things that are not ours to share as a way to hotwire connection with a friend.

If you have a friend like that, your closeness is built on trash talking others. Brown refers to this as ‘common enemy intimacy’, which isn’t a real connection.

The vault means you respect my story, but you respect other peoples story.

“What I share with you, you will hold in confidence. What you share with me I will hold in confidence.”

Integrity

Brown came up with her own definition of integrity, with three core components:

• Choosing courage over comfort
• Choosing what is right over what is fun, fast or easy
• Practising your values, not just professing your values

“I cannot be in a trusting relationship with you unless you act from a place of integrity and encourage me to do the same.”

Non-judgement

Brown says it’s vital to be able struggle, fall apart and ask for help without being judged by another and vice versa.

This is hard, she says, because we’re better at helping than asking for help.

If you can’t ask for help and those around you can’t reciprocate it, that is not a trusting relationship.

When we assign value to needing or giving help, there’s an issue,

“Real trust doesn’t exist unless help is reciprocal and non-judgmental.”

Generosity 

According to Brown, it’s essential to be compassionate and make a generous assumption if someone inadvertently betrays your trust.

In this way, it’s better to address the situation early, rather than bottling it up and saving it as blackmail for a later date,

“Our relationship is only trusting if you can assume the most generous thing about my words intentions and behaviours and then check in with me.”

source

    The last thing is a tidbit by Dr. Zach Bush on why covid is such a crisis right now, and why chronic health is so low these days too.  The key word is glyphosate (Roundup).  He explained in the video I watched how Roundup blocks the Shikamate Pathway which prevents 3 essential amino acids (tryptophan and a few others) from being absorbed into our bodies.  Without these essential amino acids (these are ones we need to eat, not ones our bodies can produce themselves); chronic disease is on it's way.  We've been spraying Roundup on (or genetically modifying) crops for 30 years now, and chronic disease is epidemic in the last 30 years as well.  From these lacks in adults (200+ functions in the body) we get diabetes, obesity, anxiety, sleeplessness, dementia and other memory related issues; and in babies/kids we get chronic birth diseases (genetic expression included) of all sorts- starting with the A's- asthma, allergies, ADHD, autism, etc. and on we go.  So, avoiding GMO foods and rebuilding the gut are the easiest things we can do from home to fix our guts and our health.  Restaurant/convenience foods are notoriously not concerned with this health information, so sourcing our food locally and organically is hard work but worth it for the health of our families.  

    This is our current DDT experience that was dealt with in the 1900s and up until it was banned.  "Oh, of course it's safe!" until "Oh, oops no it isn't!"

That's all for today!

September 2021 update~

It seems like a long time since I've written, and as usual, the thoughts are all swirling around in my head and I hope that by writing them down it will help sort and prioritize them for me.  I should be doing a whole bunch of different things with my time right now, but sorting has to be done first.  Summer is officially over (but then again might not be!), and thus fall is on the horizon.  My to-do list stands mostly undone yet again, and I wonder where the time and energy has flown.  It's this frantic pace of trying to enjoy every day slowly yet also cram as much fun or productivity into every day too.  And I go to bed every night laden with guilt for all the lacks that surround me. Lacks of focus and energy for the tasks at hand, lacks of meeting the perceived needs of my family, lacks of providing support to my friends and extended family, lacks, lacks, lacks.  Some people have struggles with fear or anxiety, or pride or other shortcomings, but heavy false guilt for all my lacks plagues me day and night.  I say false guilt because I know Jesus has overcome them truly for me, and it's just Satan trying to deceive me and lead me astray, but it plagues me nonetheless.

These last days/weeks I've been trying to figure out school for the coming year with 2 high schoolers this year instead.  Before I can carry on as such, I need to figure out what my goals for them are.  And some quiet time alone would help with that, but unfortunately that is a rare commodity in this house.  And I seem to desire far more than ever materializes.  Even when I had an almost free day last Saturday (down to 2 kids instead of 6), I went and bought a box of peaches that needed to be made into jam all day. Oh, dear!  Somehow jam is more satisfying and quantifiable than organizing thoughts in my head or putting them down on paper to actually have to follow through.  Each boy this year in high school has very different strengths, weaknesses, tendencies, and interests; which is what makes it challenging.  It'd be nice to just streamline it for all the kids (some subjects I can), but that my friends, is the whole point of homeschooling.  To not fit them in a generic mold and use their gifts and bents to help them achieve what end goals we want.  If we could just figure those goals out right?!

To help me on my way, I always like to read books that inspire me and challenge my thoughts.  To reaffirm what Jesus has done in my heart and life, I've been reading  Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian.   This book is nothing but pure gospel, which is so encouraging.  His life has taken a turn even worse (due to his own sinfulness) after he wrote this book, so his understanding of the gospel is even more needed.  If you've struggled with guilt (me!) for not doing enough, being enough or if you've been duped into a works based righteousness (due to your own expectations of yourself or other people's perceived ones), then this book lays it out.  There is NOTHING you can do to earn God's favor.  NOTHING you can do to save yourself.  NOTHING you can do to lose his favor, because Jesus paid it all.  He talks about the main reason we avoid the gospel is because when we truly believe the gospel, it takes the focus off of us and puts it onto Christ.  And our human nature doesn't like that.  It wants the focus on me.  My desires, my ideas, my wants, my needs. But Col 3:3 tells us  "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."   Do we believe this?  Or do we still think that we are the important ones?  Kind of convicting but so freeing as well!  He also talks about how in Ephesians, we do the right thing because Christ forgave us, not to earn good favor with God or man.  It's a proper distinction that often gets warped in translation either in word or deed.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

1 John 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Because Christ did all these things, then we are recipients and can pass it on.  Not to earn, but because we already have. It's because of God's free grace that we do these things, otherwise we're nothing but a bunch of Pharisees, making sure we are doing better than other people so we can feel better about ourselves.  Without a proper understanding of the gospel we will all be striving in our own strength and it will not lead to a blessed end.   He talks about how often we see so much failure in our own lives is because we focus so much on obligations rather than gospel declarations.  Imperatives rather than indicatives.  We focus on what needs to be done rather than what has been done.  Ugh.  There's me again.  There's that guilt I feel.  Yep.  My focus gets skewed each and every day.  Guilt never results in blessing.  Guilt never improves the score.  Guilt never gets more accomplished for Christ each day.  I know this in my heart, but need to be reminded yet again and again.

Gal 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.

He also goes into suffering in the book.  How suffering well for Christ can be the best testimony of Christ to the world.  To show them how valuable Christ is to us (and can be to them as well).  If we gripe and moan about our situation all the time, what are we showing about what we believe?  Or say we believe?  Do we truly believe God is good or bad?  That's a toughy.  Are we blaming God when maybe we should be looking inward at our own sinfulness, pride, ignorance, hard heartedness for our situation and then look up to the Savior?  I look at people like Joni Erickson Tada who I also recently read a book by called A Place of Healing whose life has been a great deal of suffering.  She exudes Christ in every way due to her trials.  Because Jesus is everything, we are free to be a nobody, but only shine Him through all we say and do.  We can live a life of sacrifice, courageously and boldly for Him and not worry about ourselves so much. Our fulfillment will come in an entirely new way.  Anyhow, a good read.  

Next book on the list is called Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle.  I'm just finishing this one up, and so I'm still parsing out what she says and how to apply it (or not!)   I find there is a fine line between doing what God says to do in the Bible, and doing it all under grace without a works based framework that our flesh wants to cling to.  Ugh.  This continual warring of the flesh and the Spirit.  I'm just not good at seeing the bigger picture and going forward in faith that what God wants will come to fruition some time, in some way with no measurable parameters with which to measure while I'm putting forth daily mundane faithfulness.  We all want measurable results of our efforts, don't we?  Unfortunately God doesn't.  He's so much bigger than that.

So, what does she recommend  in this book?  She goes into the whole feminist movements of the last 200 years and how they had pros and cons, and then how we Christians have been influenced by them.  And then how we need a Biblical worldview and vision to go forward from here.  She says how our society is basically rubble left from these movements, so being a woman of character, dignity and purpose is what our society needs right now.  And that this starts in our own homes, with our own husbands and children and expands from there.  If we are single, then the focus is the same commands from God as was with Eve and all through the Bible.  Subdue the earth, fill it, help and bring glory.  She's very careful to explain that each of our situations is very different and this will come out in different ways for each of us (there is no one size fits all).  Asking ourself these questions is a good place to start..

~Who can I bless?

~How can I use my gifts/abilities to build up those around me?

~How can I embrace my femininity in such a way to shine the gospel into a lost and sinful world?

~How can I be excellent in the opportunities that God has placed right in front of me?

She also talks about how to find purpose we actually need to work (subduing the earth).  Satisfaction and purpose come from actual work.  In our society these days with so many labor saving devices, we often are burned out but not from work.  It's often from running around too much, covering too many bases, putting out too many fires or committing to too many things, but seldom from too much work.  We may need to reevaluate our priorities to lead to more actual work and less avoiding it by taking shortcuts which are available in every way, shape and form. (appliances, fast food, cars, etc.)  

I know I get an extreme amount of satisfaction and purpose from picking berries, putting clothes on the line, mowing the grass, canning, hauling wood, etc.  These things may seem like I'm adding extra things to my days that add to chaos, but in fact they take away the stress and busi-ness because they allow my mind to wander and get out of the rat race.  I wish I could find a balance with my kids being involved with these tasks.  It seems like involving 6 kids in any work project is more spent (a) keeping said kids on task  (b) finding kids that have wandered off  (c) finding appropriate tasks for each age/skill level all within eye/ear shot to keep (a) happening.  This leads to not much ever getting done, and an exhausted mom who didn't get anything done either.  Haven't figured that one out yet, so let me know if you have any suggestions!  I don't know how our grandmas did it, although they likely got the most work done when their kids were in school, which isn't a helpful answer to a homeschooling mom.  Good book, not sure it'll help me with anything though, as the author isn't a homeschooling mom either.

The last book I want to review here is called Vaccines, Autoimmunity and the Changing Nature of Childhood Illness by Dr. Thomas Cowan.  This doctor was introduced to me by my sister Amy who had listened to some of his Youtube interviews.  He's been a family doctor for 30+ years and just talks about all the changes he's seen in those years as far as health goes.  He talks about the things that don't sit right with him (and never did, even as a young boy getting his own vaccines), and why he didn't push them with his patients and the results of these choices.  He explores why we see decreased childhood illnesses (acute), yet we've traded them for oodles more chronic childhood diseases instead, so are we any better off?  I would recommend reading the Amazon reviews about this book if you want more information.  Well worth your time if you want to keep your kids healthy from chronic disease either in their childhood or into adulthood. 

This is all for books and thoughts these days.  I get little snippets of reading done now and then when my energies run out for other things (quite often).  I'm also reading some new homeopathy books, and if you want to treat any chronic or acute illnesses/emotional struggles/issues; I'd be glad to take on some guinea pigs free to you (except the cost of the remedies which are all under $10/each).  I'd love to put my information to work, although I won't guarantee any results since I'm such a newbie still.  The more you learn, the more you know...but practice is what is most needed in the learning process.

I'm also excited for Greg who started a new job (and career!) about a month ago.  He's a newbie too, and learning more each day.  I'd love to tell all about it, but I guess I'll let you ask him yourself.   For now, you'll just be left with their website to peruse.  Or they have an exciting book to look at too.

Until next time...