The kindness of one (you!)

Back when I was a kid, my Mom was relentless on us being kind to others.  She still is today.  I hated her and loved her for that.  She never let our self-pity or selfishness get in the way of us being kind to the others, like our friends parents often did.  She was the mom who always made sure that no one was left out, and that everyone felt welcome.  One of the biggest lessons in my life was about being kind to a new girl at school.  You can read it here, if you haven't already.

Recently my Mom sent me a story about a girl who was invited to a birthday party and didn't want to go but her mom made her.  (Mom remembered my story about the camping trip)  In the end, she was the only girl who showed up and made the birthday girl's day by helping her enjoy her day.  The full story can be found here, about how the kindness of one person can make a huge difference.  What if no one came?  How would we feel to be the birthday girl and no one came to our party?  I'm sure we can all think of times when we could have been more kind and gone out of our way a bit more, and I'm sure we can all think of times where we wish others would have done the same for us.

My Mom's famous words were, "there's someone new, go make them feel welcome!"  The worst words for a shy, introverted kid like myself to hear (especially when they were male exchange students a few years older!)  I still often cringe when I see new people in my familiar settings, because I hear my Mom's words, "go make them feel welcome!" and she often followed it up with, "how would you feel if you were the new person and didn't know anyone?"  Ouch!  Yep, I still don't like the feeling of being in a crowd and not knowing anyone with no one reaching out and welcoming me either.

Last weekend Elise and I went to a retreat where we only knew a couple people in a group of 300.  I was so nervous about being there, but remembered my Mom's words about forgetting my own self-preservation tendencies, and focused on welcoming others instead.  What a blessing it is when we can do that!  We had a great time, and I need not have worried!

Fast forward now to my own parenting years.  I reiterate those same words over and over to my kids too, that my Mom told me.  They are often shy and quiet in new settings, and often selfish in their own familiar settings (not concerned with others well-being, only their own).  But that's no excuse for not reaching out, is it?  

Our Luke recently joined the track team at the school, and has the disadvantage of not knowing but one other boy on the team because he doesn't go to school with these kids.  On the first day, he was excited but came home a bit discouraged because he didn't really know where he should be and what he should be doing.  The second day, he felt like quitting, because it was quite lonely and no one reached out to him (he joined a week late so had missed the tours/explanations).  But, on day 3, one boy noticed that he was lost/alone and welcomed him in and showed him all around.  He took the time to take him to each station and showed him how it all works.  Luke came home that day with a big smile on his face, and it has remained there ever since.  He loves track.  He feels welcomed (even if only by 1 other kid) and he wants to go each day.  If that one boy hadn't been kind, how fun would it have been?  How enjoyable is it to be alone, day after day?  

So, don't underestimate how your kindness might change someone's day or someone's life.  Even if a smile or small word of encouragement is all we have to give, we can all give something!

Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;

This whole bullying thing...

The other night we were at a wrestling tournament, and I was visiting with another mother in the stands.  When she found out we homeschooled, she wondered aloud what should be done with her son who is being bullied at school.  They are new to the school as of last year (1 1/2 years ago), and it's been going on this whole time.  She's been to the teacher several times, the principal a couple times and it still continues.  Her son does not want to retaliate as he doesn't want to get in trouble, but the name calling is every day, and snide remarks are made here and there throughout his day.  

Now, I don't know the whole story, of course, but I was bullied myself back in grade 8, of no fault of my own, so this makes me rather upset.  That was the year our schools consolidated 2 into 1 for high school, and all the friends dynamics changed.  It was a girl from the other school who started it, because I didn't think she was as cool as she thought she was and refused to go along with her antics.  Several other girls joined in.  Name calling, trashing my things, tripping me unexpectedly, etc.  I know my parents contacted the school, but I don't recall anything being done.  Just wrote up a report probably.  My final solution was to hang out in the library, right near the librarian every recess so there was a witness nearby.  They finally left me alone and must have found someone else to pick on.  I made new friends who were also in the library for whatever reason, and recovered slowly.  I do also remember a trip to the family doctor for stomach pains from anxiety/worrying, a barium X-ray to check for ulcers and a prescription for Zantac to make it through the year.  This also happened to be the year when my uncle Cliff was dying of cancer, to add insult to injury.

So, what should be done about kids who are bullied?  What does a "no bullying policy" actually look like in action (what punishment works)?  How does a school even begin to enforce it with that many kids?  How do teachers/monitors hear what every child is saying to every other child in the hallways, on the playgrounds, in the classrooms among the din of all the other noise?  Lots of my experience that year happened when the teacher wasn't looking and I had to sit in front of one of these girls in class.  Snide little remarks when the teachers back was turned.  Made fun of in the locker room where there was no supervision (male teacher).  Pulling my hair for fun as they walked by.

Now I have 6 kids of my own, and every single day, I'm stopping bad behavior from someone throughout my day.  Either unkind words, undesirable behavior, outright bullying, etc.  If I can't hear and see everything that goes on in my own small house, I don't see how a school can even begin to think that they have a handle on that many kids' behavior.  Maybe my kids are just worse than most.  More sinful, more bullyish.  But I don't think so.  I think they are just normal kids.

Back when I was in grade 5, there was a new girl at our school that was bullied.  She dressed a bit strange, and acted a bit uncool.  I remember watching her get picked on, but never acted out to help her.  I was too scared then I would get picked on too.  I also knew I should tell a teacher, but I never did that even.  I knew the right thing to do, but I didn't do it.  How many other children are in that same category?  I later found out that the reason she was at our school was because she had to come and live with her grandparents while her parents were going through a nasty divorce.  Add another insult to injury.  But kids don't care about that.

I try to change my kids hearts to follow after love, kindness and compassion.  I teach them daily about mercy and grace (their need for it and their ability to give it to others).  I recite the Golden Rule on a daily basis.  I tell them examples of bullies and what happens to them.  I am constantly teaching and admonishing them to do the right thing.  We read the Bible and see how Jesus led by example.   In yet, I still see those sinful behaviors rearing their ugly head many times in every.single.day.  

This has been happening since the beginning of time, with dire consequences sometimes.  There's no guaranteed answers, and I definitely don't have any!   But, when my kids are home with me, at least I can see and hear what they're doing all day, I don't have to take anybody else's word for it.  My kids could easily be the ones bullying, and could easily be the ones being bullied.  It could go either way, regretfully I admit.

Genesis 4:8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.

Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Book Review- Epigenetics: The Death of the Genetic Theory of Disease Transmission

Oh, where to start...  This book is such a wealth of information, it's going to be hard to sum it up in any small format.   

The subject of epigenetics has interested me for some time.  I read the book Pottenger's Prophecy  and Deep Nutrition back in 2014, and just renewed them again to refresh my memory.  When I was ordering them from the library, I decided to order any other books they had as well, and this one happened to be one of them.  The genetic transmission theory has had me puzzled for several years.  The situation that made me think about it, is the fact that all 4 of my grandparents had dentures at a young age.  My parents both have all their own teeth, but have had many cavities and other issues in their younger years, with stability in their older years.  Of us 4 children, we have had excellent teeth.  Maybe 4-5 cavities between all of us put together, in our whole life.  So, the thought that "bad teeth" or "good teeth" are genetic goes totally against this notion.  There has to be more variables that we're not addressing, right?  And since I'm one of those people who has to know the "why" behind everything, I had to delve into the subject further.  Some of my kids have excellent teeth, and some have been ridden with cavities.  Genetics?  I think not!  Nutrition?  Possibly.  Absorption of nutrients?  More likely.  Brushing habits?  They all eat the same, brush pretty much the same, using the same products.  My health during their pregnancy?  Quite likely!

The first half of this book is the history of medicine itself.  All the normal, all the weird, all the wacky ways people have tried to heal themselves through the ages.  Then there's a section on the author's professional history; ranging from all his veterinary jobs- curing zoo animals from epidemics, finding out what nutrients were lacking in their diets, how to succeed in making them breed in captivity, eliminating animal birth defects, as well as missions to Africa working with white rhinos, raising monkeys for NASA's space program and more.  Through those years, he performed 17,500 autopsies on over 454 species of animals, plus 3,000 human beings for comparison. He then was fired for suggesting that cystic fibrosis was a nutritional deficiency , and this led him to going back to school to become a Naturopathic Dr. with our local Dr. Briggs who we see.  He then had a private Naturopathic practice for many years before going on the road promoting nutrition worldwide.(source)

What I loved about the book was that he was saying exactly what I've been thinking all these years.  Our genetics don't own us!  Through proper nutrition, we can alter our genes so they don't cause us disease and early death.  He makes the bold claim that all early death is nutritional deficiencies (other than accidents).  Wow!  The allopathic medical system would have us believe that we need them for longevity and a full life.  We "need" big Pharma and all their drugs to "cure" us and all the surgeons to do their wonders for what the drugs won't do.  Dr. Wallach tells it different.  He says we can all heal from whatever is ailing us, by giving our bodies the nutrients it needs.

So, how can he make such a claim?  Where did he come up with the audacity to say such things?  He has looked into why our soils are so depleted and our health has gotten so poor, and here's a couple reasons.  1)  hydroelectric dams have stopped the water from flowing downwards, thus all the minerals are now sitting at the bottom of the reservoirs, and not flowing into the fields where we grow our crops.  This also means that the oceans are getting depleted of minerals too and the animals and plants are dying.  Flooding is a natural way for minerals to be added back to the soil (along with hurricanes and volcanoes), so we've eliminated a natural source of supplementing our soils.  When was the last time your soils were enriched with a flood, hurricane or volcano?!  (Those of us near Mt. St. Helens are indeed fortunate!)  Although dams have given us electricity, it has come at a cost on our health.  Another aspect is that without wood heat, people are not putting ashes back on their gardens, a vital part of mineral recirculation.  Trees have lots of minerals because their roots run so deep, so when we burn wood and spread the ashes on our gardens, then we can glean those rich minerals for our health.  Farmers have long ago learned that without supplementing their livestock with minerals, they'd go out of business.  Animals become infertile, ridden with disease and malnourished.  Aren't we humans following those same patterns of ill health?

Which brings us to 2) health insurance.  The downfall of our nation.  When health insurance came in, it divided the lines between veterinarians and doctors.  Veterinarians were supposed to prevent disease so the animals didn't get sick, and doctors became the managers of disease because all the selected treatments were paid by insurance and the insurance companies had to stay in business, so had to keep people sick or they'd go out of business.  If health insurance companies offered full nutrition and solved people's problems, then we wouldn't need them any more, would we?  Instead, we've been told that all our diseases are genetic, and there's nothing to do to cure them, just manage them for the rest of our life (they have guaranteed customers, and many look at it that if they pay their premiums, they'd better get some care in return for all those dollars spent).  Dr. Wallach's research tells us different.  We can cure our diseases and live a full life.  We are not destined to line our doctor's wallets for the rest of our short lives.  If animals diseases can be cured (even "genetic" ones), then why can't ours?  Dr. Wallach has a book written on the oldest cultures on earth (Rare Earth: Forbidden Cures), and none of them have doctors, health insurance nor any diagnostic testing.  They don't need it.  They have good nutrition, with all the vitamins, minerals, fatty acids and amino acids they need.  Another book he wrote was called Dead Doctors Don't Lie, which delves into what many doctors themselves die from.   When our own doctors die young, doesn't that say something about the treatments they are promoting?  One story was of a cardiologist who dropped dead in the hallway of her cardiac ward, at age 47.  Can you imagine what her patients were thinking?  "And this woman knows about heart health?!"  (YouTube link of audio version of Dead Doctors Don't Lie")

 Dr. Wallach also says that our soils are so depleted that we don't get near the nutrition we should be getting out of our food, even if we eat super healthy.  I was recently given numbers that most Americans only get about 25% nutrition from the food they eat today.  Back in 1980, it was around 50%, in the 1950s it was 60%, and 100 years ago it was at 80%.  Dr. Wallach says that if we do not want to be burying our own children from disease, we have to be supplementing their diets with extra vitamins, minerals, fatty acids and amino acids. We just can't get ample nutrition from food alone for a healthy body anymore (despite what our medical doctors would often tell us "you can get all the nutrients you need from your food").  Our children are suffering far more than previous generations.  The highest rate of Down Syndrome babies used to be mothers over 35 who had had a large family (nutritionally depleted).  Now the highest rates are teen mothers, because their own nutritional status is so low, and they rarely eat well or supplement their diets.  And even more sad, is that most are aborted.   He explains in the book which nutrients are missing for each vitamin or mineral.  The list seems endless!

"What I do differently from other doctors is I treat people like dogs, but they get better because with dogs we’ve learned how to eliminate 900 different diseases in dogs that still plague people. We’ve learned how to triple the lifespan of dogs.  We didn’t do that with organ transplants and stem cells and genetically engineered proteins and wonder drugs. We did it simply by putting vitamins and minerals in their canned dog food or bags of dried dog food. And then we eliminated every birth defect you can name and 10 times that many you can’t name. We eliminated all those birth defects just by putting vitamins and minerals in their food. There’s not a single birth defect you can name that’s genetically transmitted,  although doctors would tell you they are,  but there’s not a single genetically transmitted birth defect. They’re all nutritional deficiencies in the embryo."
(source)

Of great fascination to me was his studies on the Amish, Hutterites, and Mennonites.  We grew up near many Hutterites, and all of them wore glasses.  Even the little kids.  We were always told it was because of the increased intermarrying.  Dr. Wallach says that these cultures are riddled with "genetic" problems, and are told they are all genetic.  He discovered otherwise.  Their soils are depleted, and they don't believe in supplementing because "we get all we need from our food".  Unfortunately, most of their diseases are from mineral deficiencies like selenium (cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, cardio myopathy, etc.).  They freely use Roundup and anhydrous ammonia fertilizers (even on their gardens), but they don't enhance their soils with minerals (although they know to feed them to their animals, or they'd have huge vet bills from disease).  (source)  Another reason these cultures have so many birth defects is that high percentages of them have gluten intolerance (which equals poor mineral absorption).  They eat high amounts of gluten containing grains (along with Seventh Day Adventists and Mormons who also eat a lot of grains), and thus have developed gluten intolerance.  Many of the reasons the babies are born with defects is that almost every mother had gluten intolerance, and thus couldn't absorb the nutrients she was eating.  Gluten intolerance can be healed with enough essential fatty acids and improving gut health, but you have to know you have it to be treating it!  He says that almost every baby he tested with cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy had gluten intolerance, increasing their need for nutritional supplementation.

"We talk about DNA as if it’s a template, like a mold for a car part in a factory. In the factory, molten metal or plastic gets poured into the mold thousands of times, and, unless something goes wrong in the process, out pop thousands of identical car parts.

"But DNA isn’t really like that. It’s more like a script. Think of Romeo and Juliet, for example. In 1936 George Cukor directed Leslie Howard and Norma Shearer in a film version. Sixty years later Baz Luhrmann directed Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes in another movie version of this play. Both productions used Shakespeare’s script, yet the two movies are entirely different. Identical starting points, different outcomes.

"That’s what happens when cells read the genetic code that’s in DNA. The same script can result in different productions. The implications of this for human health are very wide-ranging, as we will see from the case studies we are going to look at in a moment. In all these case studies it’s really important to remember that nothing happened to the DNA blueprint of the people in these case studies. Their DNA didn’t change (mutate), and yet their life histories altered irrevocably in response to their environments."  ~Nessa Carey  (source)

He goes deep in depth for the rest of the book as to what all the vitamins, minerals, essential fatty acids (good fats) and amino acids are and do.  He talks in each section of which diseases will occur if those nutrients aren't present in our diet.  For example, low fatty acids results in strokes, thrombosis (blood clots), skin diseases (eczema, rosacea, psoriasis, etc.), respiratory disease (asthma, chronic bronchitis, unremitting cough, etc.) and depression.

Disclaimer:  He sells his own brand of supplements, and I have not tried, and have no plans to do so.  He is also an evolutionist, so the book is written from this perspective.  When we know God as our Creator, this changes many aspects of our life and well-being.  It's not all about nutrition.  It's also a spiritual and emotional journey.  We can get healing through Jesus alone.  We may not though too.   I do believe we need to be careful not to elevate our doctors on a big pedestal for saving our lives.  "My doctor said this..."  "I trust my doctor's advice"  "The doctor says I should do this..."  You are an advocate for your own health.  Do your own research.  Find your own answers.  Take accountability for your own health, and don't leave it up other people, no matter who they are!

More Resources:

Epigenetics: The Death of the Genetic Theory of Disease Transmission

Dirty Genes by Dr. Ben Lynch

Wellness Mama podcast: Methylation Problems and Gene Mutations

Pottenger’s Prophecy: How Food Resets Genes for Wellness or Illness

Deep Nutrition-Why Your Genes Need Traditional Food

The Wallach Log (Vimeo videos on various health issues)

He also has oodles of videos on YouTube too

Christmas Letter 2017

  
 

Updates and book review

Well, it's been far too long since I've written, and perhaps I shouldn't even be writing today, but somehow it feels like I should too.  The past 18 months (since Levi was born) have been a flurry of brain fog, tiredness and always feeling 2-3 steps behind.  I honestly haven't had the brain power to write, much as my desires might have been to write and clear my muddled head.  I guess 6 kids will do that to a mama.  I've been working on improving all of our health, since that always plummets due to the lack of sleep and quick, easy meals that often aren't as nutritious as they should be (more mommy guilt).  Yep, that's the way it is.  So, here's the books I've been reading lately.  All gems, no duds this time.  That makes me happy!

This is the most recent one I've read.  It was gifted to me, and was so uplifting and encouraging on our Christian walk.   Just what I needed!   I think in this past year I've been most thankful for God's grace, and this book encourages us to take advantage of His grace again and again.  No matter how we feel weak, stumble, have regrets and failures, or dreams fallen by the wayside; His grace is new each day.  His love never fails, even when we feel like we do.  Especially when we do.  Excellent book with lovely artwork.

https://gracelaced.com/ 

This next book was a real eye-opener for me.  I'm one of the millions whose bought into the lie that we need more calcium (mainly from advertising).  This is a doctor from Alaska who wanted better outcomes for his patients (Ob/Gyn- less preterm births, less birth defects, less infant death and failure to thrive).  He found out that the majority of the nation has too much calcium, and not enough of all the other minerals we need.  We could solve a lot of health problems by increasing our trace minerals and decreasing our calcium.  Less cavities, anyone? (yep, too much calcium, too little of the other minerals that make teeth strong).  Regretfully my children have taken on my lack of minerals with their health challenges too.  The baby has the exact mineral status footprint as the mother, he also found out.  His easiest remedy is to start using mineral filled salt (Real Salt) instead of ordinary table salt, in liberal amounts.  None of this reduced salt stuff, as he explains in the book.

"If you believe that bones are made of calcium, you have subscribed to The Calcium Lie. You’re not alone. Most consumers and, surprisingly, most doctors, believe that bones are made of calcium. Yet any basic biochemistry textbook will tell you the truth: Bones are made of at least a dozen minerals and we need all of them in perfect proportions in order to have healthy bones and healthy bodies. If you get too much calcium, through food sources or by taking supplements, you set yourself up for an array of negative health consequences, including obesity, Type 2 diabetes, Type 2 hypothyroidism, hypertension, depression, problem pregnancies and more. " -from the Amazon review of the book

http://www.calciumlie.com/

The next two books I read at the recommendation of a friend.  She took a writer's conference this past summer, and this author  was the keynote speaker.  She was raised Muslim in Iran, and became a Christian and now writes Christian fiction.  I don't usually read fiction, and especially not Biblical stuff  (comparing it to the Biblical accounts often comes up short), but I decided to try these.  Excellent books.  Her word usage, metaphors, and everything else makes her an excellent author.  Bread of Angels is the story of Lydia, and In the Fields Of Grace is the story of Ruth.  She does an awesome job of adding to the real account in a way that doesn't detract from the real thing.

https://tessaafshar.com/

The next two books are written by a Psychologist and Family Physician, and are the results of 20+ years in practice.  He talks about the epidemics facing our boys and girls today, and offers practical solutions on what to do with them.  I have to say that many of them don't affect homeschooled kids, but it's good to be aware of them, and make changes if we see warning signs. 

For boys, the risks are: changes at school (more books too early, less activity), video games, stimulant medications for ADHD, endocrine disruptorsand the end result is: Failure to Launch.  The fifth is: the revenge of the forsaken gods (forsaking rites and rituals to manhood which boys strive for)

 For girls they are:  four factors that are threatening the mental and physical health of young women today: a culture that sexualizes young girls; the “cyberbubble” of social networking and electronic communication; obsessive behaviors, including eating disorders; and environmental toxins that disrupt the endocrine system and lead to early-onset puberty

Thankfully he offers many solutions if your child is facing any of these challenges.  It doesn't have to be a downhill slope.  He also wrote a book called Why Gender Matters and The Collapse of Parenting that I am waiting to read as well.  Good stuff.

Christmas Letter 2016

 Christmas 2016

Greetings dear family and friends;

We have just returned from a trip to the sunny south of Arizona, and today woke up to a nice blanket of snow. So beautiful, so festive, so cozy. Although there is only a couple inches, the kids donned their winter clothes and have ensured they used up every inch of it having fun.

This year we welcomed baby Levi Gregory on May 3. My Mom (Beth) came to stay with us and help out, which was a real treat. He still doesn't sleep much and hates his car seat, but that's the norm for all of our babies, so we weren't surprised. He just turned 7 months so has been perfecting his crawling skills and got his first 2 teeth last week as well.

The oldest kids (Luke (11), James (9), and Elise (7)) have been taking piano lessons this past year which warms my Mama heart. The boys aren't to thrilled to take lessons but both want to learn to play other instruments, so learning the piano will be a good base for anything else. Elise loves the piano, and can be heard playing songs whenever she has the chance. She also plays by ear, so learning the notes and reading music has been more of a challenge for her. She is also singing, whistling or humming whenever she isn't playing.

 Luke and James enjoyed wrestling this past season at the school as well (and I think Greg did too!) They worked hard and definitely improved their skills. Swimming lessons are another favorite time in the summer. I enjoy those times as much as the kids do. It gets us out of our normal routine and I love watching them learn and grow and challenge themselves.

Isaac (5) and Celeste (2 ½) spend their “school time” coloring or playing together. Isaac has officially started kindergarten and is soaking up information as fast as we can feed it to him. He loves animals of all sorts; especially owls, ostriches and peacocks. Celeste loves playing house, dolls, “Hawberry Hortcake” and dressing up.

Greg is still working at the same machine shop he has been for 6 years. He's kept busy managing the shop while his boss vacations in Arizona most of the year. The stress level is high, so we've been praying about options. He has taken up leather working in his (very few hours of) spare time, which has been enjoyable and good for the creative side of him. He turns the big 4-0 on Dec. 21.

I mostly just try to keep the house running somewhat smoothly, keep the kids schooled, the mouths fed and the baby happy. I end up tackling whatever happens to be at the top of the priority list at any given moment. I haven't even blogged once since Levi has been born; due to a lack of time, mental clarity or even coherent thought. I guess that's the new normal with 6 kids! I still have dreams of grandeur in so many areas, most of which will likely never come to fruition, for good or bad! Oh, well.

Love and God's Peace,

~Rachel with Greg,

Luke, James, Elise, Isaac, Celeste and baby Levi

Levi's Birth Story

In the days and weeks leading up to Levi's birth, I prayed that God would take away my fears, my doubts and give me His peace about the labor and delivery.  With each successive baby, I tend to be less confident in the whole birth process, probably due to overall weakness in body and mind from busy life in general.  Although I "know" all the information, statistics, probable outcomes and all of that, the real and imagined fears still seem to cripple me at times.  My Mom was able to come and stay with us for a few weeks and that helped immensely in being able to distract me by just being present and visiting about other things as we counted down.

Labor did finally start at 1:30am on Monday, May 2, at 5 days overdue.  I was awakened by a contraction at the same time a little 2 year old came into our room needing her mama.  After taking care of her, I went back to bed and proceeded to have contractions every 15 minutes for the rest of the night, so sleep was light and fitful at best.  In the early morning, I told Greg about it so he stayed home from work as it looked like this was going to be the big day.  He made breakfast for everyone, and then I walked around outside, trying to get contractions going stronger/faster/better.  But, every time I was up, the contractions would stop instead.  After a couple hours of this, I decided to call our midwife Laura to see what she recommended for getting things going further.  She said that things were sounding like they were getting started, but instead of walking, she wanted me to rest.  She said sometimes the uterus gets irritable and has a hard time kicking into gear (after many children), so letting it rest and do it's own thing was best.  So, I rested all day with the contractions continuing every 15 minutes throughout.  By 7 that evening, it was getting old.  Not stopping but not progressing.  I called Laura again to see what I should do.  She now told me that all these contractions were "false labor" (or pre-labor or prodromal labor as it's also called) since they stopped whenever I got up.  I lost it and started crying.  All this for nothing?  Another day/week of this (quite common)?  I cried and cried.  And then took a bath and went to bed at about 9.  When I laid down again, the contractions started back up so I slept a bit here and there.

At 12:30 am, I was sharply awakened by a super long, super strong contraction.  And then nothing.  I got up and walked around the house for a bit, but no more contractions.  I had a snack, sat on my birthing ball, rocked in the rocking chair and still nothing.  I prayed that if there were any emotional, spiritual or physical barriers holding up the labor, that they would be revealed and dealt with (a common cause of labor to stall is a lack of surrendering in these three areas, according to Laura).  At 1:30 am, I went back to bed.  Soon after, I started having contractions again (no surprise here, been there, done that- a dozen times today!). But, this time they were 5 minutes apart.  I counted 5 contractions, each 5 minutes apart so I woke up Greg and told him I'd get up and see if they continued when I was up.  I had 2 more once I got up, and then decided to call Laura and have her come.  After I got off the phone with her, I had one more and then in that instant, things changed.  The baby was coming and was coming now!  I remembered that with Celeste, Laura had told me that when your legs start to quiver, that's a sign of transition.  My legs were quivering and I told Greg (politely but firmly) to get the bath running, as this baby was coming now.  I was able to walk to the bathroom and get in the tub, but barely.

After I got in the tub at around 2 am, I just let things happen and little Levi Gregory was born at 2:22.  Greg was on the phone with Laura again and stayed calm throughout.  He was reassuring me, "we've done this before, it'll be fine."  As soon as baby was born, Greg picked him up to hand him to me and discovered that we had a baby boy, not a girl like we were expecting.  What a surprise, although my Mom had said all along, "well, it might be a boy!"  We had had 3 ultrasounds, so felt pretty confident they were correct, but they weren't.  The ultrasound machine our midwife uses is pretty old/grainy, so the screen isn't nearly as clear as a current machine would be.  Oh well, these kind of surprises I can handle!!  My Mom had gotten up to be with Celeste who was sleeping in our room and had been awakened by all the commotion, so although she wasn't there for the birth, she came in shortly after with Celeste who was thrilled to see the new baby.

Celeste enamored by her new baby brother (and she still is)

We found out that Levi also had a knot in his cord, just as Celeste had.  This could have also been why labor contractions were so spaced apart again.  Laura also said that false labor prior to real labor is the norm for moms who have had more than 4 kids, but so few people have more than 4 these days, you never hear about it.  Also, in the hospital moms will likely get induced also so that is another reason you don't hear too much about this type of labor being the norm.

As for Greg delivering Levi (he delivered Isaac also, if you recall), Laura feels that it's God's way of honoring the head of the family by giving them the honor and privilege.  She also said that God knows which dads can handle it and which ones cannot, so who is she to stand in the way?! In her 30+ years of midwifery, she's never had any complications from babies who were born before she got there.  With both boys, I feel that God led us to do homebirths because we wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time anyhow.  8 contractions, transition, baby!  No messing around!

Looking back, all the labor prep I did may or may not have helped.  I know my real labor was only 1 hour once things got started, so that false labor was actually quite effective getting things going. I'd be curious to know how far dilated everything was before the "real" labor started, but will never know.  It obviously did more than I care to admit since it lasted so long and it wore me down so much physically and emotionally.  My recovery has been excellent though, which means a lot in the whole scheme of things.  Now hopefully Levi will be a pleasant baby, but I try to keep my expectations low due to our numerous past fussy baby history!

Labor is such a unique time.  It brings out the absolute best and worst in me.  And probably in most women.  It empowers us to do what logically would indicate can't be done.  In yet leaves us weak and vulnerable due to the overruling powers that make a baby be born.  It tests us emotionally, physically and spiritually in ways we will likely never be tested before or after.  Having a baby naturally makes us draw on sources of strength that you just don't get with an epidural (I had one with our first 2 babies and felt that I missed out on an integral part of their births after I had babies without one).  I recall the male anesthesiologist telling me before one of my epidurals, "you get the same baby in the end, so what's the difference?"  Well, there is a big difference, a difference only a woman whose had a baby can tell you.  I don't regret having the epidurals, but am relieved to find there are doable ways to have a baby without one also.  Kind of a rite of passage of sorts.  Anyhow, I'll write a post about the differences I've seen in home birth vs. hospital birth another day.

Birth time again...

Every time I am expecting a new baby, I try to do what I can to inspire myself to get through labor as well as possible.  I'm not expecting rainbows and unicorns, but would like to eliminate as many variables as I can, while making it go smoothly and be manageable.  After 5 births, I've learned a lot on what works for me, and what doesn't in many aspects.  I shudder at how uninformed I was with my first baby, even though I thought I had become well informed. (Mayo Clinic pregnancy book..yikes!)

Here's what I'm focusing on this time around.  Pretty similar to the last two babies, but a few minor tweaks.

1) Read inspiring books on how a woman's body is meant for labor and how empowering it is to birth a baby.  My favorite is Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, and I've read it through before each of my last babies.  The most profound chapter is about "Sphincter Laws", and why so many women end up being induced or with C-sections due to the inability to dilate.  She tells how this is a new problem, one we've created by taking women out of their safe, familiar surroundings and putting them on show for all to see and then expect them to 'jump through the hospital hurdles' so to speak.  Can you pee in front of a crowd?  Delivering a baby is much more complex and intimate, in yet our society expects women to just make it happen while the woman is in severe pain, fearful and under time constraints in a room full of strangers.  Ya right!

    I also generally read the Bradley books, but they are lent out right now so I wasn't able.  I did save my cheat sheets from them for labor, so have reviewed them once again.

2) Red raspberry tea.  I generally take this for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy to help tone and strengthen everything.  It can be taken longer than that, but I usually forget.  I drink 1 qt. per day, although more can be taken if you want.  It's awfully boring to taste, so I mix a bag of it with of Sweet & Spicy to make it more palatable.  I also take an herbal tincture called Gentle Birth, but it creates lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, so I use it as I can handle it.  Too many contractions are kind of tiring, even though they are doing good things.

3) Webster certified chiropractor.  This helps immensely in getting baby into the correct position for an optimal birth.  I believe this is what has really made the difference in cutting my labor times in half, as well as getting rid of the back labor that I had with my first 3 babies.  This is also what I used to flip Celeste from breech to the right way when she need flipping.  Spinning babies website is another good option for exercises to get baby in an optimal position if the chiropractor isn't an option. 

4) Exercise/birthing ball, weights and rebounder.  Due to the yucky weather, I haven't been able to get out walking as much as I'd like, so these have been a lifesaver for exercise in the house.  I still haven't exercised nearly as much as I would have liked (who does with 5 kids?) but try to do something every night before bed.  Usually I do some kettlebell swings/squats with weights and then sit on my ball while stretching at least.   Or walk on the rebounder with the weights works too.  Hopefully it'll be enough!  Ina May says that if every woman did 300 squats per day, then we'd see no difficulties in labor.  Umm, yeah, not quite there!

5) Dates.  Eating 6 dates per day is supposed to significantly shorten labor according to a few studies.  I've been eating 2-3, because they're just plain good too!

6) Lots of calcium and protein and iron and probiotics.  All of these build strong uterus-es, babies, help muscles contract and help you avoid Group B strep, so I try to get in as much healthy food each day as I can.  I also usually have some body-building type drinks available for labor for added protein and calcium while in labor, as these will help sustain energy as well as reduce pain and aid in muscle contractions.

7)  Learn more and more to build confidence.  I try to avoid scary birth stories and focus on what my body is able to to (and other women's also) and remember my past birth stories and read other positive ones.  My little sister told herself through labor, "It's just one day in my whole big, huge life.  Suck it up!"  That has helped me immensely too.  

    My favorite new website/blog I've discovered this pregnancy is Natural Birth and Baby Care and I've learned all kinds of new good stuff.

8) Review favorite Bible passages to boost me up.  This is my list I made when I was expecting Elise, so it's been through 3 babies so far.

Eph. 6:10 "Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might."

Nehemiah 8:10"forthe joy of the Lord is your strength."

Ecclesiastes 3:11" He hath made every thing beautiful in his time"

2 Timothy 1:7 " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

John 16:21" A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world."

Here's a couple of my favorite blog posts that I reread with each baby also.

Scriptural Encouragement for Preparing & Giving Birth

Embracing the Pain & Letting Go of Fear in Childbirth

Keep us in your prayers during these last couple weeks until baby is ready to meet us.

Book Reviews for Jan/Feb

Here's what I've been reading the last couple of months.  I review them mainly so that I can look back and remember what I've read, but also to either recommend or not recommend them as well.

Motivate Your Child by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller

For what Love and Logic wasn't, this book is.  One of my favorite quotes was found early in the book, "...Mom has learned that if she tells Sandra that she'll get a reward, Sandra is more likely to do the task.  The problem is that Mom is appealing to Sandra's selfishness to get things done.

"It may be easy to get a preschooler to do what you want by giving some kind of reward, but as she gets older, you have to increase the value of the reward to get the same response...The reason is clear.  Behavior modification requires that you give a reward that's greater than the desire to do something different.  You're simply compensating a child for doing something she'd rather not do using something she wants.  Unfortunately kids grow up asking the wrong questions, "what's in it for me?"  and "are you going to pay me for this?"

That, my friends, was my whole problem with the Love and Logic approach.  It doesn't follow Christ nor Biblical principles, which I didn't see when I was reading it, but this book clarified it so well.  This book is a lifetime of training type book, with no quick fixes, so that is a bit more daunting.  It requires you to teach your children to listen to their conscience rather than to do what they want in most areas.  This isn't by guilt tripping, but by a "tight action point" (zero tolerance for disobedience) and recognizing if you are resorting to anger or nagging (obviously this doesn't work either).  Building internal character and a sensitive conscience both take many years of training, which is hard to deal with in the mean time and requires much diligence and obedience (on the part of the parent and the child), but is so worth it in the long run.

A responsible person will feel bad when a job is not done well.  Teaching kids to recognize this, takes time. (I wish not quite so much time!). Teaching children to listen to that still small voice inside them that tells them they are doing wrong in one area (when they see someone treated badly, when they are guilty for a "crime", etc.) and listening for that same voice inside of them when a job is poorly done.  That's the kind of conscience training we're talking about.

Always focus on restoration after disobedience.  Using Biblical examples, show how God and Jesus used sinners to fulfill their eternal plans.  God can use us in the same way.  We don't have to be perfect, but instead we are all in need of forgiveness and redemption each day.  Talk about David, and Peter, and Saul/Paul and more.  Our weaknesses can also be used for His glory.

Another thing to remember to teach is to listen to the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes it's hard to discern between our own thoughts or imaginations and the Holy Spirit, but when we know God's Word well, then we can discern easier.  Knowing what God would want us to do also helps us know when He's prompting us to do things as well.  A good reminder for us parents as well.  An easy way to teach children about the internal prompting of the conscience are by talking about heroes.  Heroes have four main characteristics.  They do what's right, deal with wrongs, are honest, and they care about others.  Almost all kids look up to heroes, so encouraging them also encourages heroic behavior.

Sometimes letting a child deal with natural consequences is the best discipline.  But sometimes, dealing with logical consequences is a better option.  Logical consequences are ones that the parent comes up with as a result of disobedience or a apparent need for the child to learn a lesson.  Loss of privilege, more parental control, practicing right behavior repeatedly are other ways to curb bad behavior and turn it into good.  Romans 5:3-4 tells us that perseverance leads to hope, and children often need that hope that comes through difficulties in their life.

The rest of the book focuses on family time and how to create learning sessions in your own home to build up these principles.   Lots of good ideas to think outside the box to get these points across.  While learning the Bible stories is important when children are young, we also need to focus on the real life application of the Bible in our lives.  For me, Bible Study was crucial for when I was a kid/teen.  Listening to the adults discussing the real deal living of a Christian taught me so much about how to deal with the many challenges I'd face later on.  In our own Bible Study we've been studying the importance of prayer (and the challenges of it).  When the kids can hear all the adults talking about how they use prayer, the struggles with prayer, and the miracles of prayer, their own faith is strengthened.  They can go into prayer with hope and assurance that God hears and answers their own prayers.

Anyhow, great book.  I think the thing I liked the most was the Scripture references on almost every page of how God deals with His children; patiently, lovingly but also firmly with their soul's salvation as His end goal.  We want the same thing for our children.

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

This was a fun little read about organizing.  I wasn't sure what to expect (I've read lots of organizing books in the past, most without much difference).  Marie is from Japan where houses are very small, so must be organized and kept tidy.  She loves tidying, so you do have to take everything with a grain of salt (for those of us who don't love it quite so much).  She also writes this book as a single person, so although her clients often have families (and she organized her own home growing up), it is not so much geared towards busier houses.

She recommends going through your house in categories rather than by places.  And to do each category in one sitting if you can.  Bring out all your shirts on your bed (get every shirt you own out of all cupboards and closets).  Go through each one.  And then do this, "take each item in one's hand and ask, "does this spark joy?"  If it does, keep it; if it doesn't, dispose of it."  The end.

Sounds simple, hey?  If you have to think about it, then it's a no.  Often we hold onto things that once served a purpose in our life, but no longer do.  Or we have great intentions to use something in the future, but most likely never will.  These burden our storage and our minds with baggage.  

I have a story about a shirt of mine.  I had this sweatshirt back from my single days.  It was a favorite, and I had paid good hard earned money for it, but I really didn't wear it anymore.  One reason I didn't wear it was because I then lived in Arizona where you may need only 1 sweatshirt, not a dozen or more that I had accumulated from living in Alberta and Alaska.  Anyhow, we then moved to Washington and still I hung onto the shirt because I couldn't bear to part with it yet.  I still loved it, but never wore it (Greg had borrowed it once and because his hands are bigger than mine, the cuffs got stretched and never fit me right again).  I held onto this shirt for probably 10 years and maybe wore it once or twice in all those years.  I finally bit the bullet and donated it to a thrift shop in town.  Less than a month later, I saw a woman wearing my shirt in the grocery store.  It was a Canadian Roots anniversary shirt, so I knew it was mine.  All those years and someone else could have been using it and here I was hoarding it because of sentimental reasons.  So dumb.  Anyhow, I'm still working on other things in my life that I've held onto for just as lame of reasons.  Now I buy most of my clothes at garage sales or thrift stores, which makes them considerably easier to get rid of without guilt.  

A few more things she sees in her tidying business is people who stockpile.  Who needs a stockpile of anything these days?  Are we truly worried we might run out of something?  Is storing something really worth the time and effort it takes up in your living space and your mind?  Keeping track of too many things takes up a whole lot of mental ability (ask this mom of almost 6 compared to when it was just me to worry about).  Clutter is just a failure to put things away where they belong.  So, you must have a home for things (I'm definitely still working on this).  All those little things in my life seem to cause clutter, but often I can't throw them away because I'll need them soon, they don't have a home until they are fixed/dealt with/not needed anymore.  She uses no commercial storage units for organizing.  Her favorite things are dressers and shoe boxes.  She uses them for everything.  It's easier if you're able to see things at a glance, so don't let labels or stickers distract you from clean lines and smooth surfaces.  Let the store be your main storage.  It's much easier to go and buy something when you need it, rather than hold onto something you bought for cheap for a year before needing it.  Yes, you might pay a bit more, but really how much?  A few cents?  Even a dollar?  Well worth leaving in the store until needed.

When you've decisively lived out these principles, it'll help you to be more confident and decisive in other areas of your life (people who lack confidence in their own judgement often lack confidence in themselves also and end up with too much stuff because of it).  You realize that life will still go on if in fact you got rid of something you may need later.  And it'll be no big deal.  You'll realize that it isn't the worst thing to be lacking some material item.  Many people get by on much less than any of us has.   When we lived in the travel trailer for 6 months I certainly learned that.  But, I also wasn't canning, dehydrating, homeschooling, and didn't have 5+1 kids either.

The other amazing phenomenon is that when we detox our homes, our bodies and lives get detoxed as well.   Being the humans we are, we can only take care of and cherish a certain number of things.  So, it would be best if we took better care of the few cherished items we love, rather than trying to cover too many bases by haphazardly and recklessly trying to care for more things than we can handle.

Overall, a great book.  I'm still trying to figure out how to apply it more to my life, so that I can get rid of more clutter and stuff, but I'm not really up to going through everything in the house at this point since my energy is pretty limited.

The last book on the list today is Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson.  I had really hoped to find some gems in this book, but sadly did not.  There were lots of statistics of how endangered our girls are and lots of stories on how valuable they are, but really there wasn't anything to help my parenting along.  I suppose since he only raised one daughter himself (and he pats himself on the back regularly for doing such a great job), he isn't the expert on the subject that he thinks he is.  The best quotes in the book are by Dr. Meg Meeker, which I likely already quoted when I read her books last year.  The only thing I tagged in the whole book was one reference to another book that sounded good, so I marked it to look for it at the library.  Too bad.  He's such an icon in the Christian parenting world, I had hoped for more out of him.  So, I'm still looking for some good books on raising daughters.  I feel so inadequate in so many ways.  They are just so much more complex than boys at this stage of the game.   Any ideas?