The other night we were at a wrestling tournament, and I was visiting with another mother in the stands. When she found out we homeschooled, she wondered aloud what should be done with her son who is being bullied at school. They are new to the school as of last year (1 1/2 years ago), and it's been going on this whole time. She's been to the teacher several times, the principal a couple times and it still continues. Her son does not want to retaliate as he doesn't want to get in trouble, but the name calling is every day, and snide remarks are made here and there throughout his day.
Now, I don't know the whole story, of course, but I was bullied myself back in grade 8, of no fault of my own, so this makes me rather upset. That was the year our schools consolidated 2 into 1 for high school, and all the friends dynamics changed. It was a girl from the other school who started it, because I didn't think she was as cool as she thought she was and refused to go along with her antics. Several other girls joined in. Name calling, trashing my things, tripping me unexpectedly, etc. I know my parents contacted the school, but I don't recall anything being done. Just wrote up a report probably. My final solution was to hang out in the library, right near the librarian every recess so there was a witness nearby. They finally left me alone and must have found someone else to pick on. I made new friends who were also in the library for whatever reason, and recovered slowly. I do also remember a trip to the family doctor for stomach pains from anxiety/worrying, a barium X-ray to check for ulcers and a prescription for Zantac to make it through the year. This also happened to be the year when my uncle Cliff was dying of cancer, to add insult to injury.
So, what should be done about kids who are bullied? What does a "no bullying policy" actually look like in action (what punishment works)? How does a school even begin to enforce it with that many kids? How do teachers/monitors hear what every child is saying to every other child in the hallways, on the playgrounds, in the classrooms among the din of all the other noise? Lots of my experience that year happened when the teacher wasn't looking and I had to sit in front of one of these girls in class. Snide little remarks when the teachers back was turned. Made fun of in the locker room where there was no supervision (male teacher). Pulling my hair for fun as they walked by.
Now I have 6 kids of my own, and every single day, I'm stopping bad behavior from someone throughout my day. Either unkind words, undesirable behavior, outright bullying, etc. If I can't hear and see everything that goes on in my own small house, I don't see how a school can even begin to think that they have a handle on that many kids' behavior. Maybe my kids are just worse than most. More sinful, more bullyish. But I don't think so. I think they are just normal kids.
Back when I was in grade 5, there was a new girl at our school that was bullied. She dressed a bit strange, and acted a bit uncool. I remember watching her get picked on, but never acted out to help her. I was too scared then I would get picked on too. I also knew I should tell a teacher, but I never did that even. I knew the right thing to do, but I didn't do it. How many other children are in that same category? I later found out that the reason she was at our school was because she had to come and live with her grandparents while her parents were going through a nasty divorce. Add another insult to injury. But kids don't care about that.
I try to change my kids hearts to follow after love, kindness and compassion. I teach them daily about mercy and grace (their need for it and their ability to give it to others). I recite the Golden Rule on a daily basis. I tell them examples of bullies and what happens to them. I am constantly teaching and admonishing them to do the right thing. We read the Bible and see how Jesus led by example. In yet, I still see those sinful behaviors rearing their ugly head many times in every.single.day.
This has been happening since the beginning of time, with dire consequences sometimes. There's no guaranteed answers, and I definitely don't have any! But, when my kids are home with me, at least I can see and hear what they're doing all day, I don't have to take anybody else's word for it. My kids could easily be the ones bullying, and could easily be the ones being bullied. It could go either way, regretfully I admit.
Genesis 4:8 And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him.
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
