This post is difficult for me to write, although I feel very necessary, as acknowledging our weaknesses often assists in solving problems and getting it out in the open sometimes is the hardest on our pride (which is often what first needs attention to!) It also is hard to ask for prayer requests if you don't let people know you are struggling.
This past while (say 6 months or so), Greg and I have both struggled with coping. Feeling overwhelmed by pretty much everything, tired all the time, in yet unable to see what to do. We've tried simplifying our life as much as possible, and can't really see how things could get much simpler. The other night we stayed up late talking (something that isn't always advised because you tend to be overtired and problems seem much bigger than they actually are). But, it's also sometimes necessary because otherwise in the daytime you try to justify your feelings, ignore them, and pretend as if they aren't there. Anyways, I voiced my struggles, and he admitted to feeling the same way. We both have felt like we're just getting by in survival mode. We concluded that night that we were too tired to find any solutions, but that we could pray and see how we felt in the morning.
The next day we were still overtired, and ended up coming home from church and the whole house took a nap (well, the people in it did!). Then we went for a bike ride and had dinner and a visit with some friends. This all went well, but Monday morning came and the problems still seemed to loom. Mondays are always difficult for me, and this was no better. Overhanging fog and clouds each day lately haven't helped. I feel like summer has completely evaded us except for a handful of nice days. Monday when I talked to Greg (on his coffee break), we were discussing what should be done. One of us suggested "lets call our Moms and see what they have to say". So, he called his Mom, and I called mine. We should have done it months ago. Moms are so wise, (well, ours are, and we are very thankful for that...they know us better than anyone else!) and offered alot of not only solutions, but prayers and wisdom into what may be causing this lack of coping.
When Greg got home from work, we discussed what our Moms had said, and here it is (collaboratively, in no particular order).
Potential Stresses:
1) Having kids over age 30. You just get more tired and don't bounce back as fast as if you were 10 years younger. We don't like to admit that, but I'm sure it's true. We are getting older and can't expect the same of ourselves as if we were younger.
2) Not having a family support system nearby. My mom mentioned that she had gone to a local fair near them and ran into a few of my old classmates. She visited with them and noted how they had never had the challenges that some of us who have moved away from our family have had to face. Life is pretty safe and easy for most of them, since they have a built-in support system nearby.
3) Lack of sleep. With Greg getting up at 0430 for the past almost 5 years and 3 kids who haven't slept very well until they are 2, we've become a couple of pretty sleep deprived souls. I don't know how to solve this, but acknowledging it helps lower our expectations of ourselves.
4) Need a vacation. Although we likely need a visit-the-family vacation, we also find those the most stressful. Riding in the car buckled in for a few days, taking the kids to a strange environment to see people they don't know very well, and sleep in strange houses is not usually a fun time for tired parents. We need to go relax somewhere where we can just think about eating and sleeping and enjoying our kids for a while. We're working on that, and hopefully can get something in before the end of the summer. Greg's parents usually visit us every summer and this summer were unable, and I think that that has been harder on us than we would like to admit. My parents did come, but were only at our house for 2 days, one of which we had company the whole day. We also enjoyed my brother and his wife, and that was a real needed boost.
5) We are both perfectionists. I don't like to hear that, because I like to think that I'm not one. Although we're not perfectionists in the way most would think of them (tidy house, impeccable kids, etc), we are when it comes to moral obligation, following what we believe is right and our own expectations of ourselves. I really don't know what to do about this one, because I feel like we've relaxed as much as we can in the areas that will allow it. Other than letting the house go to pot, never bathing our kids or brushing their teeth, losing our "schedule", becoming completely unreliable (things that others seem to be able to get away with); I don't know how to do this. I feel doing those things would actually make our life alot more stressful for the crap we'd be putting up with due to undisciplined kids, more lack of sleep, more whining, etc.
6) Not being willing to share our burdens with loved ones who care. I have always been one that people have relied on for "being strong". I feel guilty burdening others with my problems, especially when I feel like I have nothing to be complaining about when so many others are filled with "real" problems. But, inability to cope is inability to cope, no matter what the burden at hand is. Both our parents encouraged us to talk to them more, share what's on our heart and to not try so hard to be strong all the time.
These things all ring true, so we've been figuring out what to do about them. Some other suggestions were taking a few different vitamin supplements that help with nerves and mood, getting a checkup to make sure nothing is out of whack (thyroid, adrenals, anemia) and just limiting our social activities. I'd love to limit them, but we feel like we will go crazy if we don't get out as much as we do (which isn't much).
Two of the ideas that have been flowing regularly through my head are these. The first is just being a kid again. To ride my bike as fast as I can down the driveway and down the "lease road" (a road at my parents that leads to their oil pumpjack) with my hair flowing out behind me. To be at my Grandpa and Grandma's sleeping in their sproingy beds and getting up and Grandma doting on me all day while the box fan blew the curtains up in their dining room on a hot summers day. To just sit in the back seat of our old Chrysler and let Dad and Mom drive me wherever we needed to go. All these thoughts focus on lack of responsibility. It just gets weary being responsible all the time. I don't know how to avoid this when you are a parent, other than completely shirking your duties.
The other thought that keeps running through my head is to be going fast enough to leave my burdening thoughts behind. Whether it be swimming laps, rollerblading, biking or running; I just want to be going fast enough that my thoughts escape me for a while. With little kids, you don't go anywhere fast. Even a bike ride seems extremely slow and monotonous. I just want to pedal as fast as my bike will go. Yesterday on our bike ride Greg and I took turns staying with the slow one (Luke) and the other rode fast and actually got some exercise. That felt really good. We've been trying to do that each day, and it seems to really help clear my (our) head so that I can start with a clean slate again.
I would, however, solicit your prayers for peace, for wisdom, for the ability to let go of the things we need to let go of (not sure what those are yet), and for direction. But, one thing is for sure...we are very thankful for our wise Mothers who see us how we are, love us despite our faults and encourage us in a Godly way. Any suggestions are more than welcome.
This past while (say 6 months or so), Greg and I have both struggled with coping. Feeling overwhelmed by pretty much everything, tired all the time, in yet unable to see what to do. We've tried simplifying our life as much as possible, and can't really see how things could get much simpler. The other night we stayed up late talking (something that isn't always advised because you tend to be overtired and problems seem much bigger than they actually are). But, it's also sometimes necessary because otherwise in the daytime you try to justify your feelings, ignore them, and pretend as if they aren't there. Anyways, I voiced my struggles, and he admitted to feeling the same way. We both have felt like we're just getting by in survival mode. We concluded that night that we were too tired to find any solutions, but that we could pray and see how we felt in the morning.
The next day we were still overtired, and ended up coming home from church and the whole house took a nap (well, the people in it did!). Then we went for a bike ride and had dinner and a visit with some friends. This all went well, but Monday morning came and the problems still seemed to loom. Mondays are always difficult for me, and this was no better. Overhanging fog and clouds each day lately haven't helped. I feel like summer has completely evaded us except for a handful of nice days. Monday when I talked to Greg (on his coffee break), we were discussing what should be done. One of us suggested "lets call our Moms and see what they have to say". So, he called his Mom, and I called mine. We should have done it months ago. Moms are so wise, (well, ours are, and we are very thankful for that...they know us better than anyone else!) and offered alot of not only solutions, but prayers and wisdom into what may be causing this lack of coping.
When Greg got home from work, we discussed what our Moms had said, and here it is (collaboratively, in no particular order).
Potential Stresses:
1) Having kids over age 30. You just get more tired and don't bounce back as fast as if you were 10 years younger. We don't like to admit that, but I'm sure it's true. We are getting older and can't expect the same of ourselves as if we were younger.
2) Not having a family support system nearby. My mom mentioned that she had gone to a local fair near them and ran into a few of my old classmates. She visited with them and noted how they had never had the challenges that some of us who have moved away from our family have had to face. Life is pretty safe and easy for most of them, since they have a built-in support system nearby.
3) Lack of sleep. With Greg getting up at 0430 for the past almost 5 years and 3 kids who haven't slept very well until they are 2, we've become a couple of pretty sleep deprived souls. I don't know how to solve this, but acknowledging it helps lower our expectations of ourselves.
4) Need a vacation. Although we likely need a visit-the-family vacation, we also find those the most stressful. Riding in the car buckled in for a few days, taking the kids to a strange environment to see people they don't know very well, and sleep in strange houses is not usually a fun time for tired parents. We need to go relax somewhere where we can just think about eating and sleeping and enjoying our kids for a while. We're working on that, and hopefully can get something in before the end of the summer. Greg's parents usually visit us every summer and this summer were unable, and I think that that has been harder on us than we would like to admit. My parents did come, but were only at our house for 2 days, one of which we had company the whole day. We also enjoyed my brother and his wife, and that was a real needed boost.
5) We are both perfectionists. I don't like to hear that, because I like to think that I'm not one. Although we're not perfectionists in the way most would think of them (tidy house, impeccable kids, etc), we are when it comes to moral obligation, following what we believe is right and our own expectations of ourselves. I really don't know what to do about this one, because I feel like we've relaxed as much as we can in the areas that will allow it. Other than letting the house go to pot, never bathing our kids or brushing their teeth, losing our "schedule", becoming completely unreliable (things that others seem to be able to get away with); I don't know how to do this. I feel doing those things would actually make our life alot more stressful for the crap we'd be putting up with due to undisciplined kids, more lack of sleep, more whining, etc.
6) Not being willing to share our burdens with loved ones who care. I have always been one that people have relied on for "being strong". I feel guilty burdening others with my problems, especially when I feel like I have nothing to be complaining about when so many others are filled with "real" problems. But, inability to cope is inability to cope, no matter what the burden at hand is. Both our parents encouraged us to talk to them more, share what's on our heart and to not try so hard to be strong all the time.
These things all ring true, so we've been figuring out what to do about them. Some other suggestions were taking a few different vitamin supplements that help with nerves and mood, getting a checkup to make sure nothing is out of whack (thyroid, adrenals, anemia) and just limiting our social activities. I'd love to limit them, but we feel like we will go crazy if we don't get out as much as we do (which isn't much).
Two of the ideas that have been flowing regularly through my head are these. The first is just being a kid again. To ride my bike as fast as I can down the driveway and down the "lease road" (a road at my parents that leads to their oil pumpjack) with my hair flowing out behind me. To be at my Grandpa and Grandma's sleeping in their sproingy beds and getting up and Grandma doting on me all day while the box fan blew the curtains up in their dining room on a hot summers day. To just sit in the back seat of our old Chrysler and let Dad and Mom drive me wherever we needed to go. All these thoughts focus on lack of responsibility. It just gets weary being responsible all the time. I don't know how to avoid this when you are a parent, other than completely shirking your duties.
The other thought that keeps running through my head is to be going fast enough to leave my burdening thoughts behind. Whether it be swimming laps, rollerblading, biking or running; I just want to be going fast enough that my thoughts escape me for a while. With little kids, you don't go anywhere fast. Even a bike ride seems extremely slow and monotonous. I just want to pedal as fast as my bike will go. Yesterday on our bike ride Greg and I took turns staying with the slow one (Luke) and the other rode fast and actually got some exercise. That felt really good. We've been trying to do that each day, and it seems to really help clear my (our) head so that I can start with a clean slate again.
I would, however, solicit your prayers for peace, for wisdom, for the ability to let go of the things we need to let go of (not sure what those are yet), and for direction. But, one thing is for sure...we are very thankful for our wise Mothers who see us how we are, love us despite our faults and encourage us in a Godly way. Any suggestions are more than welcome.
