A New Year, not so new thoughts

Wow! I didn't realize how long it's been since I've written on here, but have felt very uninspired lately and am trying to figure it all out. I haven't ever (in my life that I can recall) felt like this before, and I think alot has to do with pregnancy hormones. Excess of certain ones and depletion of others that I am used to having around in my body. I'm hoping that this produces a baby girl (as that is what many people have told me about being pregnant with girls), so that the feelings and lack of feelings that are abiding with me will end here in a few months. Who knows though. It's also winter, after a wonderful vacation, and my boys have been driving me crazy with their lack of discipline (which is my fault, I know, but I haven't had the energy to deal with). I do wonder though, (to those of you with older children)...how much dawdling should be allowed, and how much should not? How much do you let them make their own choices (at 3 yrs old) and how much do you make them abide by yours? I guess it's probably a lifetime of finding that medium ground, but I wish there was an easier answer. I hate nagging or being a drill seargent, and do know in theory how this whole thing SHOULD work, but can't seem to make it happen. I'd love to get things under control before new baby shows up, as I know spanking kids while you're nursing a baby is rather difficult but just can't seem to figure it all out. Do they need more attention or less? Do they need more of their own choices or less (to learn who is boss)? Do they need a nap or will we pay more if they don't take one. Do I give them less food so I don't have to nag them to eat, and then hear them whine because "I'm hungry, I want a snack" all afternoon? And how come both kids cannot sleep through the night on the same night. Just once, would be nice. J finally started (again for the millionth time) sleeping all night, and what do you know: L is up then every night and although doesn't "need" me, has to wake me to tell me he has to go to the bathroom. So now, L is sleeping all night again and J is up 1-4 times (more molars) They'll likely finish coming in about the end of April right when I can't sleep because of pregnancy discomfort or the baby actually gets here. Anyways, I'll close before I get too whiny. Life is good, and the boys do make me laugh most of the day...it's just that for many months I haven't felt myself, and that is rather frustrating since I am not able to be who I want to be (I'd love to have over some company, but can't seem to make it happen), and also have been way more emotional than I care to admit. I'm chalking it up to hormones at this point, and will let you know in about May if things have changed. I'll finish with a cute thing Luke said the other day. We were having "Show and Tell" at Sunday School and he was telling about finding seashells on the beach on our Florida trip. The one teacher asked him, "Did God make those seashells?" and he answered, "No, they were just sitting there."