This book was recommended to me by my sister Amy and sister-in-law Reidun, both who thought very highly of it. I have to agree. Just good common sense stuff, much needed for this day and age of parenting in a busy, crazy world. And very practical in terms of how to simplify your life for the health of your children. I thought our life was pretty simple, but this author goes much further in ways to do so.
He talks a lot about how stress affects a child, and how many kids are labeled with some sort of disorder when the fact of the matter is that by simplifying their lives, their realms can be brought back into focus and manageability. He encourages us to remember that life isn't a series of "rainbow" experiences, each one better than the last. Life is boring (which spurns creativity), life is hard (which creates perseverance), but life can also be predictable (which creates security for kids) and harmonious (which creates bonding as a family).
He encourages parents to just spend time with their kids. Instead of all kinds of extra-curricular activities, just be with them. That will create the most memories and the most security and trust. He talks about how too much stuff creates too many choices which creates an entitlement mentality (as well as overwhelming children). He talks about how we (as a society and as parents) think that giving a child choices will help shape a child's personality/sense of themselves when all it actually does is create the word "more!" More, more, more! I'm sure most of us have seen that in our own children and households. I know I have.
He first encourages parents to get rid of toys (the average child has 150). He has a list of 10 kinds of toys to get rid of, all of which are good criteria. Too many toys means a child can't fully engage in any of them. I've been doing this with our own toys and have found this to be true. It's less clutter for us all, which is very helpful too. The less toys a child has, the more (s)he has to use his/her imagination with what they have. As your child's chaos is reduced, your own stress level as a parent will too. (Yes, give me some of that!)
He then talks about revamping the rhythm of your home. By trying to promote a rhythm in your home, things will just flow better and promote security for your children, who will as a result behave better. One of the simplest thing is to teach manners. The Golden Rule, please and thank you, speaking with respect, etc. I always remember the words of Ravi Zacharias who says, "there is never a good enough reason to be unkind." Keeping those standards high for your children helps them feel secure and cared for. Rhythm does not mean a schedule that is impossible to keep, but rather guidelines of predictability. It's also simplifying food choices. Opt for simple meals, with minimal choices that nourish rather than buying foods that stimulate and entertain (or were advertised on TV).
Having a "Sabbath" is such a good thing. Whether is be a rest from work, TV, cell phone availability, internet or whatever is common in your house; take a break. Have times each day and each week as "distraction-free zones" where you shut stuff off and just be. Let your kids know that they are your priority, not your tablet or phone. Look at them when they talk to you. Good reminders for us all. When we open up our lives and schedules, it leaves more room for anticipation of other things. We don't feel so hurried and rushed, and we can enjoy the little moments each day (ourselves and our children). To fully appreciate the ordinary is an extra-ordinary gift. This strength of character must be taught, and what a loss it would be if we didn't teach it to our children. Taking a rest also allows the imagination to work. It's through boredom and free time that creativity is allowed to flourish. A child with a good imagination will be able to have fun anywhere, not just with a limited toy or game. He can create his own games and entertain himself endlessly if given the opportunity. Playing with others creates back and forth bantering of ideas, thoughts and dreams, each building on the last. (unlike organized sports where the coaches and parents set the rules and then the kids follow them). In the randomness of free play, inner flexibility grows. How awesome is that?!
He doesn't put down organized sports, but instead encourages their limited uses and time frames. He says that most kids start in kindergarten and are completely burned out by 11. Instead they should start about 8-10ish and then have something that interests them for their high school years (when they are ready for more of those type of things). But, make sure your child's home team is always your family, and that time with family trumps time with others (whoever they are). Be willing to say, "no, thanks" with confidence if opportunities don't fit your family's goals and schedules.
When a child's expectations are always met, it leaves a child's will flaccid and weak. As parents, we want to meet our child's expectations, in yet this isn't always in their best interest. Sometimes they have to wait (many years) for things, and this is okay. Sometimes they have to work hard for what they want (for many years) and this is okay too. We want children of strength and integrity and yet if we always give them what they want, we leave them with poor behavior and poor skills for life.
Along with that, if we overanalyze what our kids say, we also set them up for failure. Everything they say doesn't have to be profound, or a teachable moment. Sometimes just let comments be. Acknowledge and then be quiet. Sometimes kids learn more by our silence and our listening than by our talking. Recognize this and realize that often we talk far more than we need to. In such a noisy "it's all about me, me, me" world, being quiet can bring respite and calm to the chaos.
There's my summary. Fully enjoyed this book and plan to implement more as I can.
