I just got finished baking our daughter's birthday cake (official big day tomorrow) and ended up rather irritated as I was doing it. It was partially because of 4 eager helpers that cause great distractions in the recipe-following category, but partially other stuff. I sadly realized (after all these years), that I have some serious birthday baggage. As a child, my birthday fell (and still does, hehe) the week before Christmas. This means that it often got lost in the shuffle, or ended up on Christmas program Sunday, where I would be lucky if I got a cake at church after the program. And that cake was always shared with some other unlucky kid who also had a birthday that week. I even tried to rectify the situation when I was an adult by planning a fun stuff myself (and inviting friends), and they ended up a flop too. No one could come as they always had other plans. (I've also informed my husband that I never want a surprise birthday party, that would be the ultimate humiliation). My favorite birthday was actually this past year. We went out for breakfast with just our family, bought a Christmas tree and some lights for the front of the house and set them all out. It was perfect!
What does that have to do with today? I have this pre-birthday anxiety for my kids. I want to make everything perfect (even if they don't have the same expectations that I have). I want to fulfill (or exceed) their expectations. I even get nauseated at those perfect-cake parties that other parents have for their kids because I don't want to start those traditions, when they may get dashed in the future when we may not be able to host the perfect party. And yet I don't even want to host the perfect party. But then I do, in another way but am scared I would fail if I tried. And then who would we invite? We don't have family here, and often friends haven't been able to come (especially on Memorial Day boy's birthday). I act all weird when other people have parties for their kids, but in a way I think I'm jealous of my own lacks. I act all confident in what we do for our kids most of the year, but then when their actual birthday rolls around, I feel very insecure and scared that I'm not doing enough.
When I can see the big picture, it's very clear. I want to see them smile on their special day. I want to bake them meals that they love. I want to give them a meaningful, useful gift. I want to bake them a cake that shows their interests/favorites at this year of their life. But when the reality comes, I just want to go rent a big blowup house and some ponies, buy them some glittery motorized vehicles (or other ridiculous gift that are expensive and useless), invite every person we know and shower them in cheesy gifts given out of obligation rather than taste. Pathetic, hey? Thankfully I don't have the money or energy to do that. But now I can see why some people do it. I used to be snide at how pathetic they were, but I am understanding it a little more each year. And how I am just as bad, even if I don't pull it all off!
So, there's where it's at. For dear daughter's birthday, we're going swimming at a local pool, and for our son's (2 days later) we're going to an ice cream shop that he's wanted to go to for a long time. (their choice) They'll get a cake of my choosing and hopefully some friends will be able to join us for some of the fun (although I'm not counting on it!) And that'll be okay (or so I'm telling myself) As for their gifts, daughter is getting a fishing pole for usefulness soon, and son is getting a Bible since that's what I get 6 year olds who are learning to read.
What do you do for birthdays? And how did you come to those traditions?
