It seems like a long time since I've written, and as usual, the thoughts are all swirling around in my head and I hope that by writing them down it will help sort and prioritize them for me. I should be doing a whole bunch of different things with my time right now, but sorting has to be done first. Summer is officially over (but then again might not be!), and thus fall is on the horizon. My to-do list stands mostly undone yet again, and I wonder where the time and energy has flown. It's this frantic pace of trying to enjoy every day slowly yet also cram as much fun or productivity into every day too. And I go to bed every night laden with guilt for all the lacks that surround me. Lacks of focus and energy for the tasks at hand, lacks of meeting the perceived needs of my family, lacks of providing support to my friends and extended family, lacks, lacks, lacks. Some people have struggles with fear or anxiety, or pride or other shortcomings, but heavy false guilt for all my lacks plagues me day and night. I say false guilt because I know Jesus has overcome them truly for me, and it's just Satan trying to deceive me and lead me astray, but it plagues me nonetheless.
These last days/weeks I've been trying to figure out school for the coming year with 2 high schoolers this year instead. Before I can carry on as such, I need to figure out what my goals for them are. And some quiet time alone would help with that, but unfortunately that is a rare commodity in this house. And I seem to desire far more than ever materializes. Even when I had an almost free day last Saturday (down to 2 kids instead of 6), I went and bought a box of peaches that needed to be made into jam all day. Oh, dear! Somehow jam is more satisfying and quantifiable than organizing thoughts in my head or putting them down on paper to actually have to follow through. Each boy this year in high school has very different strengths, weaknesses, tendencies, and interests; which is what makes it challenging. It'd be nice to just streamline it for all the kids (some subjects I can), but that my friends, is the whole point of homeschooling. To not fit them in a generic mold and use their gifts and bents to help them achieve what end goals we want. If we could just figure those goals out right?!
To help me on my way, I always like to read books that inspire me and challenge my thoughts. To reaffirm what Jesus has done in my heart and life, I've been reading Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian. This book is nothing but pure gospel, which is so encouraging. His life has taken a turn even worse (due to his own sinfulness) after he wrote this book, so his understanding of the gospel is even more needed. If you've struggled with guilt (me!) for not doing enough, being enough or if you've been duped into a works based righteousness (due to your own expectations of yourself or other people's perceived ones), then this book lays it out. There is NOTHING you can do to earn God's favor. NOTHING you can do to save yourself. NOTHING you can do to lose his favor, because Jesus paid it all. He talks about the main reason we avoid the gospel is because when we truly believe the gospel, it takes the focus off of us and puts it onto Christ. And our human nature doesn't like that. It wants the focus on me. My desires, my ideas, my wants, my needs. But Col 3:3 tells us "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Do we believe this? Or do we still think that we are the important ones? Kind of convicting but so freeing as well! He also talks about how in Ephesians, we do the right thing because Christ forgave us, not to earn good favor with God or man. It's a proper distinction that often gets warped in translation either in word or deed.
Eph 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
1 John 3:16 Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Gal 5:13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
He also goes into suffering in the book. How suffering well for Christ can be the best testimony of Christ to the world. To show them how valuable Christ is to us (and can be to them as well). If we gripe and moan about our situation all the time, what are we showing about what we believe? Or say we believe? Do we truly believe God is good or bad? That's a toughy. Are we blaming God when maybe we should be looking inward at our own sinfulness, pride, ignorance, hard heartedness for our situation and then look up to the Savior? I look at people like Joni Erickson Tada who I also recently read a book by called A Place of Healing whose life has been a great deal of suffering. She exudes Christ in every way due to her trials. Because Jesus is everything, we are free to be a nobody, but only shine Him through all we say and do. We can live a life of sacrifice, courageously and boldly for Him and not worry about ourselves so much. Our fulfillment will come in an entirely new way. Anyhow, a good read.
Next book on the list is called Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle. I'm just finishing this one up, and so I'm still parsing out what she says and how to apply it (or not!) I find there is a fine line between doing what God says to do in the Bible, and doing it all under grace without a works based framework that our flesh wants to cling to. Ugh. This continual warring of the flesh and the Spirit. I'm just not good at seeing the bigger picture and going forward in faith that what God wants will come to fruition some time, in some way with no measurable parameters with which to measure while I'm putting forth daily mundane faithfulness. We all want measurable results of our efforts, don't we? Unfortunately God doesn't. He's so much bigger than that.
So, what does she recommend in this book? She goes into the whole feminist movements of the last 200 years and how they had pros and cons, and then how we Christians have been influenced by them. And then how we need a Biblical worldview and vision to go forward from here. She says how our society is basically rubble left from these movements, so being a woman of character, dignity and purpose is what our society needs right now. And that this starts in our own homes, with our own husbands and children and expands from there. If we are single, then the focus is the same commands from God as was with Eve and all through the Bible. Subdue the earth, fill it, help and bring glory. She's very careful to explain that each of our situations is very different and this will come out in different ways for each of us (there is no one size fits all). Asking ourself these questions is a good place to start..
~Who can I bless?
~How can I use my gifts/abilities to build up those around me?
~How can I embrace my femininity in such a way to shine the gospel into a lost and sinful world?
~How can I be excellent in the opportunities that God has placed right in front of me?
She also talks about how to find purpose we actually need to work (subduing the earth). Satisfaction and purpose come from actual work. In our society these days with so many labor saving devices, we often are burned out but not from work. It's often from running around too much, covering too many bases, putting out too many fires or committing to too many things, but seldom from too much work. We may need to reevaluate our priorities to lead to more actual work and less avoiding it by taking shortcuts which are available in every way, shape and form. (appliances, fast food, cars, etc.)
I know I get an extreme amount of satisfaction and purpose from picking berries, putting clothes on the line, mowing the grass, canning, hauling wood, etc. These things may seem like I'm adding extra things to my days that add to chaos, but in fact they take away the stress and busi-ness because they allow my mind to wander and get out of the rat race. I wish I could find a balance with my kids being involved with these tasks. It seems like involving 6 kids in any work project is more spent (a) keeping said kids on task (b) finding kids that have wandered off (c) finding appropriate tasks for each age/skill level all within eye/ear shot to keep (a) happening. This leads to not much ever getting done, and an exhausted mom who didn't get anything done either. Haven't figured that one out yet, so let me know if you have any suggestions! I don't know how our grandmas did it, although they likely got the most work done when their kids were in school, which isn't a helpful answer to a homeschooling mom. Good book, not sure it'll help me with anything though, as the author isn't a homeschooling mom either.
The last book I want to review here is called Vaccines, Autoimmunity and the Changing Nature of Childhood Illness by Dr. Thomas Cowan. This doctor was introduced to me by my sister Amy who had listened to some of his Youtube interviews. He's been a family doctor for 30+ years and just talks about all the changes he's seen in those years as far as health goes. He talks about the things that don't sit right with him (and never did, even as a young boy getting his own vaccines), and why he didn't push them with his patients and the results of these choices. He explores why we see decreased childhood illnesses (acute), yet we've traded them for oodles more chronic childhood diseases instead, so are we any better off? I would recommend reading the Amazon reviews about this book if you want more information. Well worth your time if you want to keep your kids healthy from chronic disease either in their childhood or into adulthood.
This is all for books and thoughts these days. I get little snippets of reading done now and then when my energies run out for other things (quite often). I'm also reading some new homeopathy books, and if you want to treat any chronic or acute illnesses/emotional struggles/issues; I'd be glad to take on some guinea pigs free to you (except the cost of the remedies which are all under $10/each). I'd love to put my information to work, although I won't guarantee any results since I'm such a newbie still. The more you learn, the more you know...but practice is what is most needed in the learning process.
I'm also excited for Greg who started a new job (and career!) about a month ago. He's a newbie too, and learning more each day. I'd love to tell all about it, but I guess I'll let you ask him yourself. For now, you'll just be left with their website to peruse. Or they have an exciting book to look at too.
Until next time...
