12 Steps from AA...what does that have to do with me?

The other day I was visiting with a friend who had recently found her deceased dad at his apartment the week after Christmas.  She shared how difficult it was to watch him drink himself to death, and how thankful she was to have amended the relationship before he died.  She also shared that she has already lost a brother to drug abuse, and has 2 siblings who are also alcoholics, as she has been as well.  She has been sober for almost 20 years, but addiction has taken its toll heavily on her family.  Some of us have walked this same journey in one way or another, even though our walks may be very different.  Even if we didn't have addicts in our home, we have all struggled to have self-control in areas of anger, food choices/control (over control or lack of control), exercise, OCD, work-aholism, or any other sorts of dysfunction that are not in a normal healthy balance that we've never gained control over.  Many of us have also have family members or struggle ourselves with some sort of mental illness/weakness that takes it's toll on ourselves and our loved ones.  None of us are exempt from this fallen world of sin and brokenness.  None.

All this to say, after it was done, she said, "I think every Christian should be required to go through AA and follow the 12 steps.  That would lead to a lot of healing from a lot of different things."  AMEN!  I knew a bit about these steps from my sister who has walked the journey of addiction and recovery with her brother-in-law.  His insights on the recovery journey are profound and needed for any of us.  I'm going to just go through them and invite you to ponder and pray through each step and how you may need to examine your own heart and find healing.  (The original 12 steps said "God/Jesus" and but have been revised to say "Higher Power", which is not really an upgrade because a "Higher Power" cannot give us the power that Jesus gives.  It's basically just saying that the power of positive thinking can wash away sin.  This is one insight that my sister shared from her brother-in-law.  If we don't ask for Jesus' power, we won't get it.)

Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction (sins) - that our lives had become unmanageable

Psalm 38 (A Psalm of David, to bring to remembrance.) O LORD, rebuke me not in thy wrath: neither chasten me in thy hot displeasure.2

For thine arrows stick fast in me, and thy hand presseth me sore.

3There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.

4For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.

5My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.

6I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.

7For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.

8I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.

9Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.

10My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me.

11My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.

12They also that seek after my life lay snares for me: and they that seek my hurt speak mischievous things, and imagine deceits all the day long.

13But I, as a deaf man, heard not; and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.

14Thus I was as a man that heareth not, and in whose mouth are no reproofs.

15For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.

16For I said, Hear me, lest otherwise they should rejoice over me: when my foot slippeth, they magnify themselves against me.

17For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me.

18For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.

19But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.

20They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is.

21Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.

22Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.

Step 2

Came to believe that a Power (God Himself) greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

Psalm 18 2-6  The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

3I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

4The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.

5The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.

6In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

Step 3

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God 

Psalm 3:1-5 Lord, how are they increased that trouble me! many are they that rise up against me.

Many there be which say of my soul, There is no help for him in God. Selah.

But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice, and he heard me out of his holy hill. Selah.

I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me.

Step 4

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Proverbs 4:23-27  Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.

Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.

Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

Step 5

Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs

Psalm 32:3-5  When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long.  For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.  I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.

James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

**We know as Lutherans that confessing our sins is an integral part of repentance and remission of sins.  God knows our sin already, but confessing it out loud gives us power over it as well as accountability for it.  It's sure hard on the pride though!

Step 6

We're entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

Matt 3: 1-6  In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea, And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.  For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.  And the same John had his raiment of camel's hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his meat was locusts and wild honey.  Then went out to him Jerusalem, and all Judaea, and all the region round about Jordan,  And were baptized of him in Jordan, confessing their sins.

Step 7

Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings

Matt 18: 1-4 At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?  And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,  And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.  Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Step 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all

Luke 15: 18  I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, 19  And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. 20  And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. 21  And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. 22  But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: 23  And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: 24  For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.

Step 9

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

Proverbs 14:9 Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

Step 10

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

Romans 12:2-3 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Step 11

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out

Matthew 4:1-11 Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.  And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.  And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, And saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.  Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.   Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me. Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.

Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts  (sinners!), and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Matthew 3:1-3 In those days came John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness of Judaea, And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. For this is he that was spoken of by the prophet Esaias, saying, The voice of one crying in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight.

**You'll notice here that there is no blaming, no shaming, no shifting guilt.   We need to each own our own sin.  We are all sinners with a boatload of sin, whether we want to admit it or not.  We can't be honest with others if we can't be honest with ourselves.  

1Galations 6: 1-3  Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.2

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

3For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

**I got these Bible verses for each of these steps from 12 Steps.org if you'd like to read in more depth about them.  They do have a commentary that someone has written up to help understand each one also.

This is also a good video about Rebellious vs Religious sins.  Often we flop between the extremes as he mentions.

So, yes, I agreed with my friend.  We Christians should all take a look at the 12 Steps and walk through them ourselves and search our hearts. (My apologies for the poor formatting of the Bible verses.  I cut and pasted them and they didn't want to format well because of that.)

Psalm 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Random doctrinal thoughts lately...

I wrote this a year ago, but for some reason never posted it~

Lately we've been pondering the Lutheran doctrine of the theology of the cross vs. the theology of glory after hearing a lecture on it at the Reformation services we attended in October on the bondage of the will (vs. the freedom of the will).  It's some pretty deep doctrine to delve into, and much of it that I don't completely understand but I did grasp a few concepts that were clarified for me that have been foggy before.

The doctrine that was clarified at the services for me also was how Lutheran doctrine differs from most other doctrines in churches today.  

• Lutheran doctrine says:  we have power/freedom of choice over the things here on earth (things below us), and God has the power in the things above us (our salvation and eternal destination)
• Other doctrine says: God is sovereign in the things below us (we're just like chess pieces in His hands in our daily lives), in yet we have the power to choose salvation or not (things above us)

I've always wondered why the "God is sovereign in whether you blow your nose or not" teaching didn't sit well with me.  That's why.  Luther didn't teach it, so it's foreign.

And here's some thoughts about being a strong woman that made me ponder my own intentions and heart.  Definitely can work on a few things!

"That’s where strength for us as women gets tricky. And it’s different than we’re told. In The Right Kind of Strong, Mary Kassian writes,

"I was strong in all the ways the world admired.

"But … I began to suspect I wasn’t nearly as strong as I made myself out to be. The more I read the Bible, the more it challenged my idea about what it meant to be truly strong … I was strong enough to demand my rights, yet not strong enough to relinquish them. I reluctantly concluded that what I extolled as strength was often little more than stubbornness, insolence, self-sufficiency, and prideful self-promotion."

"She talks about the “brash, sassy, self-serving, demanding kind of strong”–and reminds us instead of the “hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4).  (article source)

Gentle and quiet spirit, hey?  Yeah, I could work on that for sure!

Romans 3:9-12(KJV)

What then? are we better than they? No, in no wise: for we have before proved both Jews and Gentiles, that they are all under sin;

As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:

There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.

They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one.

It seems like the older I get, the more I learn about grace (again!)  The more I need forgiveness for so many things, and the more I am flexible (do I even stand for anything anymore?)  Everyone has a story and a reason why they believe what they believe, and they do what they do.  Just because I don't understand it, doesn't make them right or wrong, specifically.  That's also where grace comes in.   Grace is offering empathy and compassion when we don't understand, and not trying to fix or change them and bring them to our level (which quite likely is "wrong" in many ways as well that they aren't telling us!) 

I think this is why old people are either really pleasant to be around or really grouchy.  They've either learned these lessons about grace and authenticity and can see many sides of each situation, not just hard and fast rules about everything.  Or else they're old and bitter because no one and nothing pleases their specific rules and regulations.  May we all learn to be like those little old men and ladies who are full of grace and a pleasure to be around.

Luke 7:47 Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.

48 And he said unto her, Thy sins are forgiven.

49 And they that sat at meat with him began to say within themselves, Who is this that forgiveth sins also?

50 And he said to the woman, Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace.

These are things that Greg and I have been learning about in the past couple years, as well as the effects of "taking the moral high horse" which many Christians tend to want to do.  Often their (our!) motive is pure (they/we want to do what is right and follow the Bible), but it can easily become either works (to earn favor, approval, kudos, or even just stand apart from the "lesser" Christians who falter so much).  After many decades of doing this we're seeing burnout, teenage-like rebellion, relationship collapses and most of all a lack of the ability to give or receive wholehearted grace because they've never really needed it themselves (because they've always done everything "right" in their own eyes).  This is pride at it's peak, but it's rarely called as such.  It's usually labeled "right and wrong" or "just my opinion" or "there has to be a standard".  No, actually there doesn't.  The Bible says,

Romans 5:8But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

While we were yet sinners.  Not when we've improved ourselves, or made ourselves worthy, or raised faithful children or any of that stuff.  While we were yet sinners.  And we never get above being sinners.  The fall has doomed us to keep on failing every day and keep on needing Jesus every day.

The End.

Christmas Letter 2020

 Hello all! 

We started out on Christmas Day last year getting the bad news that our brother-in-law David (Greg's only sister Amy's husband) was diagnosed with stage IV melanoma cancer throughout his body. He had been sick all fall with no official diagnosis. This was devastating as we watched the journey unfold throughout the year. Sadly David passed away on July 7 at age 38 and left behind Amy and their 8 children. Please keep them in your prayers for strength and peace.

Greg and James made a quick trip down to AZ at the end of January, and then I was able to fly down to help in March. I had never left my kids before, so that was both nerve wracking and kind of fun! My aunt Becky, and ladies from church Kristie and Elaine took excellent care of the kids while I was gone.

We were able to visit Arizona as a family in June, and were thankfully able to spend time with David and all. He was having minimal treatments at the time, which made him feel a bit better. It was a bittersweet trip, knowing we were also likely saying goodbye. We visited the Grand Canyon on our way down, and Zion National Park on our way home, which was a lovely treat. We also enjoyed the beauty traveling through Idaho and Utah (we usually go in the winter so generally take the snow-less CA route).

Luke is 15. He had his biggest achievements all in the same weekend: he bought his first truck (1979 Chevy Silverado) and was confirmed in our church. He enjoys drawing things for the 3D printer and avoiding Algebra. He's working on getting his driving permit here soon.

Next is James who is 13. He claims he has nothing to say this year. His well-loved sports all got canceled, so finding replacements has been a challenge. He decided to try learning Italian and the cello on his own (YouTube), so is just starting with that.

Elise now is 11 and she loves her cats and now she has a batch of 3 kittens to dote on. She still plays the violin and has a new teacher this year who really stretches her talents!

Isaac (9) still has a hearty interest in animals and keeps us updated on which animals interest him frequently. He likes foxes, anteaters, armadillos, aardvarks and Australian animals today (lots of the letter A, apparently). He's progressing well with piano lessons, also with the new same teacher.

Our Celeste (6) likes likes dogs, rabbits and lambs. She enjoys singing, learning the piano (on her own), playing Candy Land and is quite a whiz at card games. She whoops all the big kids! She's busy losing teeth, and making good money off them!

Levi (4) is still a dog lover, especially Dalmatians. He likes dressing up and pretending to be different animals with Isaac and Celeste. Lately there's been pretend koalas and reindeer roaming all over the house.

Mt St Helens, December 2020

I've taken up a small amount of knitting this year, and can now knit and purl a rectangle! No fancy skills or projects yet, but hoping soon. Greg has started machining on his lathe and mill at home now, so is doing various projects for friends and neighbors. He's also renewed his interest in leatherwork, and has been getting his machine humming again and advancing his sewing skills (totes and purses). He makes some pretty cool stuff, if I'm not a bit biased! His machinist skills have come in handy for the learning curve.

Much love and God's Peace,

Rachel, with Greg and kiddos

Progress Report

So after taking a year off from reading "learning books", we still made some health progress.  We've had a few chronic health issues that I've been trying to solve and it's been a slow process, but I have a hard time taking "no" for an answer.  When you see your child struggling, do you just leave them be?  Do you just accept their challenges as normal and okay?  I have a really hard time doing that.  And so, I kept on searching.  I got also got tired of being told that I should keep our diet egg, dairy, gluten and nut free for 3-5 years at least.  Feeding this large crew is extremely challenging as it is for my mom brain to figure out each and every day (likes/dislikes, budget, time, flavor, fridge space, etc).  And those dietary challenges take away anything that is convenient or quick foods, for the most part (although it gets rid of the cheap, crappy foods with no nutrition as well, so it's a double edged sword).  Our little Levi just had his first sandwich of his life, and he's almost 4!  He didn't know what it was.  He was so cute, "what is dis Mom?" But kind of sad too.

So, for James we used NAET to solve/desensitize his allergies.  He's now able to eat all those foods again, although we do them in small amounts as to not overload his body all at once.  He still has a bit of swollen lymph nodes that we're working on, but all the other symptoms from the past dozen years are gone.  Previously we had done IgG and IgA allergy testing and although it showed us what he was reacting to, it didn't fix the problem.  We did heal his gut (that did need doing), and so then the NAET worked much better.  (Typically you need both to heal from leaky gut).  I'd like to take Elise to this doctor as well, but we haven't yet (waiting for the tax return!)

The big progress we're making is to finally get some help for Isaac.  He's had speech issues all his life, but as he has gotten older, his frustration level has gone up and his pleasant demeanor had almost disappeared.  It's been heart breaking.  All roads to get him help led to dead ends.  I didn't exactly even know who to take him to.  He graduated out of the speech program at the school, and I even had him retested there, as well as at the hospital speech program and both of them deemed him "fine, have a nice day".   I looked into cranial sacral therapy (far too expensive at the time), had the chiropractor do her limited cranial sacral on him, had the pediatrician, the dentist assess him too, but no one could find anything wrong.  As moms, we know when our kids aren't "fine", and a 5 minute speech test won't determine frustration or data processing rates or abilities.  The next person I contacted was Dr. Ghaheri, who is an ENT (ear, nose, throat) doctor in Portland.  I messaged him (on FB!) a picture of Isaac's mouth (he asked for it) and he said, "you don't need me, you need Barbara Erskine (Speech Language Pathologist)".  

I waited a full year to get in to her (I was sure she forgot about us, but she hadn't), because she's so busy.  She then did a 2 1/2 hour consult over 2 days.  She spent 20 hours coming up with his diagnoses and formulating a treatment plan for him.  She's ridiculously thorough and precise.  Her attention to detail astounds me.  In the meantime, I talked to my cousin who is a speech therapist in a school and she helped me understand why Isaac couldn't get enough help at the school.  Here's why:  in the school (in WA anyhow, most others would be similar though) the therapists cannot help kids who aren't 30% deficient.  If they help kids that aren't that deficient, then the state thinks the therapists are scamming the system.  So kids fall through the cracks all the time with "nuances" (subtle distinctions or variations) because they aren't bad enough to qualify.  I also talked to our school's speech therapist that said she is not allowed to refer her kids to anyone who doesn't work in the school (OT, PT or herself).  If they can't help the child, then there's nothing they can do.  So, she can't tell anyone to go to a chiropractor or neurologist, or even a private speech therapist that can offer services that she can't offer.  Parents have to seek that all out on their own and her hands are tied.

So Barbara wanted 2 things to get done on Isaac before she started speech therapy with him.  She felt his hyoid bone was out of place (the free floating bone under your tongue held in place with cartilage) and she referred me to a Functional Neurology Chiropractor in Portland.  She feels there's no use doing therapy if you don't get to the root of the problem first.  She was right about the hyoid bone, it was shifted quite a ways to the side.  His tongue couldn't launch properly off of it, making all talking and eating a huge effort. (I picture it trying to dive off a diving board that is crooked).  The only reason for a hyoid bone to be out of place is from head injuries.  Isaac did have 2 bad falls when he was about 18m-2 years old.  He was bounced out of a trampoline that wasn't zippered closed and  landed on his head, and he slipped right back on his head at a splash park that same summer.  Definitely could have been either of those!

The other thing was a tongue tie release.  I had him evaluated by Dr. Ghaheri (he uses Barbara to screen all the older children before he sees them), who is one of the top tongue tie doctors in the US, and he determined that it does need to be lasered to release it.  Barbara feels that it is the root for most speech problems and connects the fascia of the whole body causing so many issues other than speech. Here's a photo of how the whole body is connected by the fascia.  It's actually really cool!  I have a feeling several other of our kids will need it done in the future too.  Teeth crowding, trouble sleeping, messy eating? Yep, familiar with those!  It falls into the midline defects category which seems to be related to vitamin A deficiency during the first 3 weeks of pregnancy.  (too much vitamin A can cause the same defects, but most of us don't get too much).  It is also can be related to the MTHFR gene defect, which is in the B vitamin family of deficiencies/malabsorption.

Signs of tongue-tie in newborns

• Open mouth posture
• Mouth breathing
• Sleep apnea symptoms

Breastfeeding tongue tie symptoms (for the child)

• Shallow or difficulty latching
• The latch cannot be sustained for long
• Sliding off the nipple
• Prolonged feeds
• Restlessness after prolonged feeds
• Refusal or irritable during feeds
• Dribbling and spilling
• Falling asleep on the breast
• Arching the back and pushing away
• Gumming and chewing on the breast
• Unable to use a dummy/pacifier
• Clicking noise while nursing (stridor)
• Inability to hold pacifier or use bottle
• Excessive gas
• Reflux
• Colic

Breastfeeding tongue tie symptoms (for the mother)

• Cracked, bleeding nipples
• Lipstick or inverted nipple
• Pain while nursing
• Over/under supply (inefficiently empties breast)

Developmental signs

• Delayed speech, problem with certain letters or sounds
• Lisp
• Food & texture aversions
• Tooth decay (even with constant brushing)
• Gagging or choking,
• Squirreling food
• Difficulty talking fast
• Can’t move tongue past lips
• Jaw joint and posture
• Jaw pain
• Migraines
• Neck and back pain
• Forward or slumped posture

Source: https://www.drstevenlin.com/tongue-tie-symptoms-kids-teeth/

I think this new information just opened a whole can of worms, likely in a good way that we've yet to find out.  Barbara is also a myofunctional therapist, which most speech therapists are not (they need extra training on their own to become one).  They look more into root causes of mouth issues (this includes dental issues, speech issues, sleep apnea and more).

We also learned about visual learners (Isaac, Luke and myself for sure) and how they do better at A to B sports (running, swimming, rollerblading, track, skiing, skating) rather than ball sports where they have to make too many quick decisions.  Kids who rely on their eyes the most don't do well with the pressure of having to make many split second decisions that sports like soccer or wrestling require.  These kids excel at things where they can go their own pace and there's very few decisions to be made in the sport.  The decision making sports are good for building skills in areas of weakness, but these type of children will never excel at these sports and will often be left out and frustrated.  Barbara uses obstacle courses for building up the weaker areas by using blindfolds for increasing the other senses.  She taught us about muscle memory and increasing that as well.  Often visual learners have poor muscle memory because they use their eyes so much.

Right now we're doing exercises with Isaac to help his mouth muscles move in new ways to get ready for the release (building muscle memory). She also is getting to the root of his inability to hold a pencil or utensil properly.  I've been working with him for his whole life to get him to, but she said when we get the fascia released, it'll happen on its own.  I had him sit by me during school for a full year, and every single day I'd remind him how to hold a pencil and he still couldn't do it.  See how the tongue tie affects the whole body?!  I'll keep you posted how this all shakes out.  It does make me cry (I have shed a few tears of joy) that he's finally getting some help after all these years!

Last one~ Celeste also got adjusted by the neuro chiropractor for her head injury (remember the sledding accident?) and we're hoping it helps her eyesight.  We haven't had her checked yet.  The chiropractor said that if the balance is off (the crystals in the ears that maintain balance get dislodged in a head injury) the eyes will try to compensate what the ears aren't doing.  Here's hoping she'll be soon rid of her specs, but time will tell.  Her balance is significantly better after one adjustment, we have noticed.

If your kids are struggling, may I suggest you keep searching for answers, praying for answers and not giving up.  Look to all the non-mainstream venues of healing, get off the beaten path because it's worth it!  

Book Review~ Good News for Weary Women

I know, I know...I said I wasn't going to be reading any more 'helpful' books for a while, but isn't a while over yet?  It's been 6 months.  And...I couldn't find any biographies that interested me at the library, and this one was sitting there on the shelf.  I couldn't resist.  

Anyhow, I've heard of this author before (just random quotes), but had never read anything by her.  Good News for Weary Women is by Elyse Fitzpatrick, and apparently she's written 20+ books now.  This one is from 2014, so has been out for a few years.  After my big shenanigans with the do more, be more, expect more preaching stuff from last year,  I don't have much tolerance for that kind of stuff.  Grace is where it's all at, and this book specializes in the preaching of grace.

From the Amazon synopsis: 

"Are you exhausted? Women today really do feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. Every morning we are greeted with a long list of to-dos: get the kids up and out the door on time, have a meaningful quiet time, put in a full day at the office, spend an hour at the gym, prepare a healthy and delicious meal (organic and locally grown, of course), and make sure the sink sparkles before you go to bed. Oh, and don’t forget to look great and smile while you’re doing it. These are all good things to do, of course. But the bigger problem occurs when we start to feel as if our worth is measured by our to-do lists. And the messages we receive at church, on Facebook, and from the media only perpetuate these unrealistic expectations, creating a relentless cycle of exhaustion. As Elyse Fitzpatrick has traveled this country, she has seen increasing evidence of this weariness epidemic invading our churches and communities. And she has good news for women everywhere: there is hope! God doesn’t judge us by our to-do lists. Instead, He calls us to faith. Free yourself today from the endless stream of bad advice and discover the true rest God offers."

True Christianity is not a program of self-improvement, it's an acknowledgement that more than self-improvement is needed. What's needed is the death and resurrection gospel words, gospel constructs, gospel motives, gospel power- a loving Redeeemer. Elyse Fitzpatrick

I marked so many places in the book that I want to share, but will have to do a bit compromising, or this blog post will get very long.  Many of the Amazon reviewers have great quotes from the book as well, if you want more than I will give here (without actually reading the book yourself!)

She starts out by telling how often we don't divide the law and the gospel rightly, and that in trying to fulfill the law (rules set out by others, the church and our own moral selves) we diminish the gospel (what Christ has done for us).  She explains this very well, in how we need both, but the law should always turn us to Christ and His fulfillment of the law.  The law shows us our sinfulness, our willfulness and our failure to keep God's impossible laws, which is why we need Christ.  She quotes a commentary that says, "The only "work" that guarantees the possession of this redemptive manna is to believe in Jesus (John 6:29).  The gospel sabotages any notion of legalism or performance-based acceptability with God.  The only thing we bring to Jesus is our need.  All we offer is the admission that we have nothing to offer."  What is our highest calling?  It's to believe on He whom God has sent.  Nothing more is needed or required, and all we do is because of what He has already done for us.  When we add more rules than that, we put ourselves and others into the bondage of either pride (I can do it) or despair (I can't do it).  For many women we then don't have the righteousness, peace and joy that we have been promised by the gospel message in either state.

She talks about doing good so we can feel good so our life will turn out good (karma?).  That's a common notion today too, isn't it?  If we "live intentionally", things will go well for us, right?!  Wrong.  We live in a sinful world, full of bad things.  The Bible does not teach this in the least, but it sounds good, doesn't it?  If we make all the "right" choices, then why would we need the gospel?  Even if we say we don't believe in karma, this is what karma is.  Do good to others and it'll come back to you.    Karma is all for our own self-esteem, and has nothing to do with Christ.  We may not call it that, but we often think it in our minds, don't we?  We all want to measure up, be accepted and want people to think good of us, and what kind of things might we do to achieve this?  Lots of good things which we hope will amount to something. 

As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God.  They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Romans 3:10-12

How about doing good things to earn God's blessing?  Do we believe our efforts will somehow gain God's favor?  If we do our daily devotions, do we believe that we will earn more than those who slack off and sleep in instead?  Do we lack of mercy towards those who are not as diligent as us, or who may struggle spiritually?  Can we be Pharisees quite easily without even recognizing it?  She says that God is not a cosmic vending machine that lights up when we put forth the right effort. She tells how in the Old Testament the people's obedience problem couldn't be solved by a mere extra elbow grease or more good intentions.  They had a heart problem, just as we do.  They were stubborn, disobedient, prideful and they needed a Savior, just as we do.  She quotes Luther saying, "The foolishness of the heart is so great that in this conflict of conscience, when the law has done what it is supposed to do, we not only lay hold on the doctrine of grace, which promises forgiveness of sins for Christ's sake, but we seek more laws to satisfy our conscience."  Has your heart been foolish in seeking more laws to satisfy your conscience?   Are the rules that plague you actually in the Bible, or they ones that have been added by man or your own heart?  Do you believe that whatever you do or don't do, God still sees Christ's perfect obedience not your own view of your failures?

The reason for all of this is that we like rules.  They make us feel safe and in control, and offer a way that we can believe that we can achieve perfection.  But, we also have serious problems with pride.  So, the more rules we can keep, the more our sinful hearts tally up those good things (or subtract the failures), in hopes that somehow we'll gain more than we lose.  Yet we always will fail, in one way or the other.  We'll fail in the doing or we'll fail by being prideful.  Because in this way of thinking, we are looking inwards for safety, approval and perfection, and our consciences will never be satisfied that we've done enough.  But, when Christ is King of our lives, He lives the perfect life so we don't have to.  We can screw up majorly every.single.day, and His grace still covers us.  Hard to believe, isn't it?  She says that we are "allergic to grace", we resist it because rules are safe, but grace is far more than we can comprehend.  When we follow the Apostle Paul's life, we see that although he kept all the rules just as he should, it was counted as nothing for his righteousness.  He needed Christ, and Him alone. 

So what do we boast about?  Do we look down on those who don't have it together like we do?  Even if we never say anything to anyone, these conversations still go on in our minds.  We're judgmental, we lack mercy, we compare, we want approval.  Paul teaches us that: "Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.  Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law. (Romans 3:27, 28)  Paul pointed out all that God had done through his weakness and failures.  He refused to let himself try to gain approval by his own merits or successes or others commending him.  But, deep in our prideful, foolish hearts we still boast.  In what ways have we judged others who didn't keep the same rules or traditions as us?  Can you see any ways that you prevent others from seeing your weaknesses?  Do you see the gospel as a recipe for self-improvement, or freedom from self-improvement?  What does Scripture say?

Elyse says, “If we’re trying to assure ourselves that we’re okay and that God is happy with us because we’ve been good, we’re actually denying Christ. Our pursuit of self-perfection is a denial of Christ because it is His work to make us okay, to justify us. And when we try to do it ourselves, we’re basically saying that His work isn’t enough; it isn’t sufficient."

C. F. W. Walther said, "The Gospel does not require anything good that man must furnish: not a good heart, not a good disposition, no improvement of his condition, no godliness, no love either of God or men...It plants love into his heart and makes him capable of all good works.  It demands nothing, but gives all.  Should not this fact make us leap for joy?"  In this we can rest and relax in His capable hands.  Do we confess of our pride, weakness and failures?  Why do we resist being transparent?  Do you struggle more with despair or pride?  

God is well-pleased with us if we get up early and do our devotions and have our quiet time.  He's also just as pleased with us if we roll out of bed 30 minutes late and forget His name.  He is pleased when we fall on our face to Him in the same sin over and over again, or if we by His grace shun it.  Jesus has done it all in our place.  There's nothing we can do to win more favor.  Have I said it enough yet?  Do you truly believe it?  Have you heard the gospel message enough times to believe it deep down in your heart?  Do you still seek self-approval or approval from others?  Do you believe that His righteousness covers everything?  Or do I need the righteousness of myself added on today?  Ouch.  Resist all those voices that tell you to do more or try harder.  (Amen!)  Stop pretending you have it all together, and admit you're a sinner.  A real pathetic one.  And you have a Savior, a real wonderful one!  We have the righteousness of God within us, so others can see that God loves the weak, the weary, the wounded; not the perfect ones with the perfect little lives.  And also, laugh a lot.  Laugh at your failures, shortcomings and weaknesses; laugh that you're such a sinner, yet Christ calls you a saint; smile at all the broken people God used in the Bible for His glory too.  Walk in the Light, as He is in the Light.  Let His love transform us away from all the bondage and rules, and walk in freedom of the gospel.

“How can we recognize the Good News? Let me suggest one way for you to begin to judge whether a word you've just heard or read is rooted in grace and flowing from the gospel. If you walk away from church or any other message saying, "I'm going to try really, really, really hard to do better-- to be a better woman, wife, mother, daughter, or friend," then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away feeling proud of yourself because you've got all those steps covered, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away feeling shamed and full of despair because you know what a loser you are, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. If you walk away trying to figure out how to get everyone in your family on the same page so you can be successful, then you haven't heard the message of the gospel. You haven't heard the good news. And the good news is the only message that will free you to be the woman Christ has meant for you to be. The good news is what you need to believe. And belief in the good news is the only way for you to find freedom in your identity in Christ.” 
~Elyse Fitzpatrick in Good News for Weary Women

Here's a podcast/video of a summary of the book, if you learn better that way.
Grace for Weary Women

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood, From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure, Save me from its guilt and power.

Not the labor of my hands  Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;
Could my zeal no respite know, Could my tears forever flow,
All for sin could not atone, Thou must save, and Thou alone.

Nothing in my hands I bring, Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress, Helpless, look to Thee for grace:
Foul, I to the fountain fly, Wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath, When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown, See Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee.
~Augustus Montague Toplady (1740-1778)

Old dog, new tricks...I mean insights

Now that I'm a few years into my 40s, I've come to a few conclusions about myself.  Why it took this long, I'm not sure, but it did.  Maybe because I finally have time to think after so many years with babies on the brain, lack of sleep, poor health and so many other pressing issues.  Oh, well.  Although I've realized that the better we understand ourselves, the better we can offer grace and mercy to our selves for our weaknesses and not let other peoples expectations determine us.  

The first thing I concluded was that I'm not going to apologize for being late anymore.  No one cares what I apologize for, because they already have it in their head why I'm late.  And my reasons are so mundane that explaining them seems like such a waste of time.  Just last week we were all getting out the door.  I had 6 kids buckled, shoes on all, coats on all, lunches packed, water bottles for all, sports equipment as needed.  We left on time with a few minutes to spare.  I counted heads as I drove out the driveway and thought we were good.  As I slowed down in town, I glanced back again and noticed that little 5 year old was missing her glasses.   I asked her if she could manage without them, and she said, "Well, I can't see very good.  Just a little bit."  So, I turned around and went home for them.  6 minutes back up the hill and another 6 back down.  That's 12 minutes behind now, making us about 10 minutes late.  

Last summer we had an experience where we had several errands in town, and then were meeting some friends.  We rocked it on the time slots, and when we finished up we were 10 minutes early for our meeting time.  We sat in the car in the shade and listened to an audiobook while we waited, and then when the time was right we drove the 1/2 mile over to where we were meeting them.  I thought to myself, "whew, for once we're on time."  Until my son announced to me that he hoped I wasn't using the clock in the van, because it was 10 minutes slow and he hadn't been able to figure out how to change it.  So, we were 10 minutes late after sitting there waiting for 10 minutes because I thought we were early.  Grr.  More of that grace and mercy needed, and more of that pride to squelch.

Do I really have to tell the whole story when I get to my location?  Really?  And does that make me look I like I don't care about the people who were expecting me because I was late?  No.  No, no, no.  Do I think less of my friends if they arrive late?  No.  Do I think they don't care about promises made and then "broken"?  No.  It's all because of mercy and grace.  I know they are all moms trying their best.  And sometimes kids forget things.  And sometimes being on restricted diets makes packing a lunch a challenge.  And sometimes we stop for food on the way because Mother Hubbard's cupboard was bare.  So, next time I'm late, don't take it personally.  And next time you're late, I won't even think twice about it.  Because really, it's no.big.deal.

The other thing I learned this spring as I was researching homeschool options for high school, was that the biggest stress in my day comes from being on someone else's schedule or their list of expectations.  We were committed to a co-op where I felt an immense burden to show up on time, no matter what.  Doctors appt.'s, dentists, eye doctors, etc. all stress me out.  I wish every place was a walk-in.  I fret before the appt. that I'll forget about it and get charged anyhow because I forgot to show up or to cancel.  I fret because I'll likely be late (yep, even if I'm not apologizing endlessly, I'm still trying my best to be places on time).  I fret because my kids will probably get sick on the day of the appointment.  So, schooling on someone else's schedule stresses me beyond measure (sports do not stress me, because if kids miss a practice or game, it's still not a biggie).  This spring we were sick almost the whole month of March, and the stress of worrying about their needs as well as finding substitutes for my class was more than I prefer to opt into.  So, homeschool it will be.  On our own time, our own expectations, our own needs it will be.

Along those same lines, I don't do well with goals.  If I set a goal for myself, 99% of the time I will quit before I finish.  Why?  Because I don't thrive on the pressure of being locked into something.  I get angry, especially at myself.  And then I treat my family badly, because I feel pressured to reach the stupid goal and it makes me stressed and grouchy.  For example, if I set an exercise goal for myself, I will not succeed at it, plain and simple.  If I just plan to exercise a bit each day, and then try to push myself harder/longer each time I exercise, I will succeed.  That's just how my brain works.  I reassured my husband the other day that he never needs to worry about me training for a 5K.  It won't happen.  I might run a 5K for fun someday, but I won't sign up for one to motivate myself. 

Now excuse me, I'm off to be late for swimming some laps (I won't tell you how many!)  If I get there on time, then the locker room is full of kiddos just getting out of swimming lessons, so 5-10 minutes late is ideal for an empty locker room.